“You know what I mean. I was a nerd in school, Matt. I didn’tget any superlatives. But I still have good memories of high school. It’s likenone of you do.”
That was a lie. Because for just a few months somewhere lostin those years…I’d had everything I’d ever wanted. Before it was taken away.
“I know Rob’s always joking around. But he worries aboutyou.”
I froze, even though I wasn’t doing anything. He’d toldher? My heart started racing even faster. He’d fucking told her?
Daphne held up her hands like she knew what conclusion I’dcome to. “He didn’t want to come tonight. He never talks about Empire High. AndI have no idea why. He just brushes it off. And I’ve asked James about it too. Iknow they both had a rough childhood. My mother-in-law has taken…some time toget used to.”
I couldn’t help but laugh at that. Mrs. Hunter was the worst.
“But Rob and James always speak so highly of your parents. Yourmom told me she felt like she helped raise the Hunter boys. So I don’t reallyget why you and Mason don’t like talking about your childhood. It sounded likeit was really great.”
“It was great.” Besides for that one thing. That onemomentous thing that haunted me every day. That one thing I’d never get over.
“So why does it seem like you’re scared to go into the school?”
“I’m not scared.”
She smiled. “Fine. Apprehensive.”
I took a deep breath. “There are just a lot of memories Idon’t feel like reliving.”
“Okay.” She seemed to sense that she wasn’t going to getanything out of me. “But if you ever do want to relive them? I’m here, youknow.”
I knew she was. And I stupidly felt my eyes water. I blinkedfast and pretended to cough. Daphne understood loss better than anyone else Iknew. She’d understand. She was someone that would be so easy to open up to. Butif I told someone…they’d want to help me move on. I didn’t want to move on. Thatwas the whole point. And no one would ever understand that.
I looked over at the school and sighed. I hadn’t stepped footinto Empire High ever since graduation. Maybe walking around would help. Somehow.There were really only two things that could happen. It could make me feelfarther away from Brooklyn than ever before. But I already felt her loss everyday. I was more scared of the other option. That it would make me feel closerto her. If I walked through those doors and felt her presence? I’d be more stuckthan ever. I’d never get away from this fucking school.
Daphne looped her arm through mine. “Come on. You promised mea tour.” She said it with a weird British accent for some reason. Probably justto make me smile.
I laughed and let her guide us up the path to the school. Iignored the way my laugh died in my throat. And how I felt physically cold as Iwalked up toward the school.
Going back through those doors after Brooklyn had died washell. For two and a half years I’d had to walk around those halls and pretendshe’d never occupied them. Pretend I’d never kissed her against her locker. Orpulled her into an empty classroom. I could hear her laughter ringing in myears.
If Daphne hadn’t been holding on to my arm, I would haveturned around. But there was something comforting about not having to do thisalone. I wasn’t trying to move on. I swear I wasn’t. But I needed those emptyhallways to make Brooklyn slip farther away. Because I wasn’t sure how muchlonger I could breathe when the past felt so damn heavy. The weight of it on mychest felt stifling. At least, that’s what I told myself. Because the fact thatI was slowly dying of a broken heart somehow felt worse.
Chapter 13
Friday
The hallways of Empire High looked exactly the same as theyalways had. Shiny floors, dark wood, posters about school spirit. It even smelledthe same. I swallowed the lump in my throat.
I couldn’t really place the smell. It just reminded me of…beingyoung. And alive. I closed my eyes. God, it reminded me of Brooklyn.
“You okay?” Daphne asked.
I opened my eyes and tried to focus on anything other than thatdamned smell. “I’m fine. We should catch up with the others.” The last thing Ineeded was for one of them to break something. I was already on thin ice with theprincipal.
Daphne was quiet as we made our way through the empty halls. Pastclassrooms I remembered joking around in with Rob. Past the chem lab where Roband I had made something explode that definitely shouldn’t have. We’d keptfinding beaker glass for weeks after that. For just a second I actually smiled.I’d only had one class with Brooklyn. But pretty much every single one withRob. And I couldn’t deny that there weren’t good memories in this school.
We found the rest of our friends in the cafeteria.
“Remember when James broke this window?” Rob asked with a laugh.
My smile vanished. Yeah, I remembered.
“What did you break it with?” Bee asked. “A football orsomething?”
“His fist,” Rob said. He pretended to box with the window,throwing a punch dangerously close to the glass.
Penny turned to James. “And why exactly did you punch awindow?”
James pressed his lips together.
Rob didn’t seem to notice that he was opening old wounds. “Hethought Matt had slept with his high school girlfriend. But Matt hadn’t done it.Or so he claims. No one knows for sure.”
“We know for sure,” I said. “I didn’t sleep with Rachel. Itwas just a kiss. And she was the one that threw herself at me.” But Isabellahad gotten a picture of it. And then James had believed her over me. I stillfucking hated James for not believing me over that witch. I hated him formaking my life a living hell when I should have been focusing on my last dayswith Brooklyn.
Penny was staring at me, but then she looked back at James. “Whydid you never
