“Because it’s ancient history.” James put his handprotectively on her waist.
It wasn’t ancient history to me. My whole fucking life hadstopped right here. And I was pretty sure they all knew it.
“It was crazy,” Rob said. “I took James’ side of course. AndMason took Matt’s side. It was an epic Hunter Caldwell feud.” He laughed. “Godand homecoming? That was the craziest night.”
“I’m scared to ask, but what happened at homecoming?” Daphneasked.
“James retaliated by kissing Matt’s girlfriend. And then weall got into this huge fist fight. We almost got kicked out of school.”
Daphne shook her head.
“I can’t believe you did that,” Penny said to James. But she didn’tpush him away from her for literally being the worst. She didn’t move at all. Shelet him keep his arm around her.
“I wasn’t in a good place,” he said.
Mason cleared his throat. “I wonder if the principal’s officelooks the same.”
I knew he was trying to get our group to drop the subject andmove along, but no one moved. I really wished Tanner had stuck around. He’d beable to ease the tension in some way.
“That’s awful,” Penny said. “What made you guys make up?”
Brooklyn’s death.
Rob finally closed his big mouth. He wasn’t going to say it. Noone was going to say it.
But my fiancée had died. And they’d felt bad for making mylife any shittier than it already was. They felt sorry for me. Not because theybelieved me. Not because they cared.
The cafeteria was filled with complete and utter silence. Ilooked over the tables. They were still organized the same way they were backthen. The Untouchables’ table. And then the one that Brooklyn always sat at. Beforewe were an us. Before I stopped sitting at the stupid Untouchables’ table forgood and joined her where I should have always been.
“Because we’re family,” James said. “You don’t turn your backon family.”
I looked over at him. You just stab your family in theback? I should have been over it. And maybe I would have been if things hadgone down differently. If I had Brooklyn wrapped in my arms like they all hadtheir wives in theirs? Yeah, maybe I would have been more forgiving then.
“Well, I’m glad you all made up,” Penny said. She looked overat the window that James had punched like she was lost in thought.
There wasn’t much to think about. She was married to anasshole.
“I actually need to go check on something,” I said. “I’ll beback.” I walked away before I had to add something to my lie. I didn’t need tolook at anything. And I wouldn’t be back. I needed to get the fuck out of thisschool. But before I could reach the front doors, my feet seemed to guide me tothe auditorium.
I looked over my shoulder, like I was scared someone wasgoing to catch me going in. But no one was following me. I pushed the door inand let it close behind me with a thud, bathing me in darkness.
Brooklyn and I had kissed for the first time right here. Shesaid I’d stolen the kiss. So I promised her I’d steal all her firsts.
I closed my eyes, trying to remember what it felt like tohave her beside me. But all I felt was…cold.
First kiss. First time. First love. She’d died before I couldmake good on my promise of all her firsts. I was supposed to marry that girl. Shewas supposed to have my children. She was supposed to be my family. My wholeworld.
I put my hand down on one of the chairs. Why had I come inhere? Just to torture myself? I closed my eyes even tighter. No. Iwanted to remember. I wanted to remember what it was like to be happy. I neededto remember what it was like to be okay. Because I wasn’t fucking okay.
And if I closed my eyes tight enough, I could almost hearBrooklyn’s laughter. Almost feel her breath whispering in my ear.
I opened my eyes and saw the darkness all around me. Allalone. Yeah, I really wasn’t fucking okay.
I heard the auditorium doors open. I turned to see Pennystanding there. Her hip kept the door ajar and let the light stream in. “Didyou find that thing you needed to check on?”
I nodded. I was surprised she’d come after me. We hadn’tspoken since Sunday. I figured I’d done something to upset her. And it wasbetter if I just apologized so we could move on. “I’m sorry about Sunday,” Isaid.
“Why are you sorry? I’m the one that practically ran out of yourhouse.” She laughed. “I should be the one apologizing to you.”
We were both silent for a few moments. I wanted to ask herwhy she’d run. But I didn’t want to push her.
She looked down at her shoes. “I know James wasn’t in thebest headspace in high school.”
That was an understatement. Half the time he had been drunkor high off his mind.
“But…” her voice trailed off. “I also know he meant what hesaid about not turning your back on family. I can’t believe he kissed one ofyour old girlfriends.” She shook her head. “But he’s sorry. I can tell. You can’ttell me you’re still mad at him about that after all these years?” She crackeda smile.
She’d never understand. Because I’d never tell her. “I’m notstill mad at him.” I didn’t even really know if it was a lie. No matter what, Iwas most mad at myself. I was the one that had let Brooklyn down. Not him.
Penny stared at me like she was waiting for me to addsomething. But I didn’t have anything to add.
“Don’t tell me you broke up with that girl because of whatJames did.”
“No.” I never broke up with Brooklyn. And she still owned myheart. I’d always be hers.
“Well that’s good.” Penny smiled.
She probably just thought that meant my high schoolgirlfriend and I broke up for some other reason. It was an easy mistake tomake. Because Brooklyn wasn’t standing beside me. It was the only reasonableconclusion to jump to. And God I wished it was true. That she was still alive. Itwould
