“Right. Here.”
“No, at my house.”
“Matt, we talked about this last night. You’ll be stayinghere until this nonsense with Richard is sorted. Sleeping at your own home islike being asked to be murdered by a hitwoman. Trust me, this is for the best.”
“I can’t stay here…”
“Of course you can. It’s no bother. And Nigel rather likeswhen you’re around.”
I looked around to make sure Nigel wasn’t nearby. “Yeah,about that. Why the heck won’t he leave me alone?”
“You’re engaging with him too much. He’s a houseboy, not afriend. Just think of him like a piece of furniture. He’s there to assist whenneeded but invisible when not.”
“But he keeps talking to me. And trying to see me naked.”
Tanner laughed. “No, no. The stripping you thing was a prankI was playing on you. I just made him do it.”
I sighed. “That doesn’t explain him wanting to draw me abath.”
“Were you planning on standing there nude while he did it? That’snot appropriate.”
Oh. Well. No. “Well, what about him offering to help dressme?”
“Did he do that?”
“Yeah.”
“Surely he meant for you to put on your underwear first.”
“I don’t know, he was staring at my penis earlier.”
“Why did you have your penis out in front of Nigel?”
“Because you told him to strip me last night!”
“Oh right.” Tanner laughed. “Hilarious. Well, please stopflashing the staff, will you?”
“Tanner…”
“I’m joking. I’ll speak to Nigel on your behalf and tell himyou’re uncomfortable…”
“Don’t tell him I complained.” Nigel was already awkwardenough around me. I didn’t need awkward angry Nigel.
“Then what am I supposed to say to rectify the situation? Hedoesn’t dress me and I rarely require him to draw a bath. As soon as I mentionthe situation he’ll know it’s about you.”
“Just don’t say anything then.”
“Very well.” Tanner glanced at his watch. “You should get goingor you’ll be late for work. Do you want a bag lunch? Nigel mentioned packing oneup for you.”
“I’m okay.”
“Well make sure to eat lunch. You need to make sure you’realert just in case someone tries to murder you.” Tanner loaded up a plate andstood up. A biscuit fell off the top of the plate and rolled on the polishedhardwood floors.
“Aren’t you going to work too?” I asked.
“I have company to attend to. Now don’t forget to drink thatjuice before you head out. Trust me. It’ll make your headache evaporate in aflash. I’ll see you tonight.” He disappeared down the hall with his big plateof food.
I stood up and took a quick sip of the green juice, expectingit to be bitter and gross like green juice usually was. But it was actuallydelicious. It tasted just like a strawberry banana smoothie. I wondered ifthose were the two secret ingredients. If they were, my headache wouldn’t begone in a flash like promised. I quickly downed the rest. Before I even put theglass down I took a deep breath. What the hell? I touched my forehead. My headachewas gone. I blinked. Actually, I felt amazing. Like I’d just slept for daysinstead of a few hours. I eyed the glass. I was going to need that recipe. Butnot if it involved asking Nigel for it. Who knows what kind of favor he’d askfor in return.
I was about to leave the great room when a large cloth drapedover something above the fireplace caught my eye. I double checked that no onewas around and pushed the cloth to the side. Beneath the fabric was a portraitof Tanner in a weird Victorian outfit, similar to what he most definitelyusually made Nigel wear. Someone loved history a little too much if you askedme. I looked around the room and wondered how much of the covered wall artfeatured Tanner playing dress up. I let the cloth fall back in place and mademy way past the kitchen.
I stopped when I noticed a brown paper bag sitting on thecounter with my name on it. Well, I guess if Nigel had already made me a lunchit would just be rude not to take it. I grabbed the bag and headed out thefront door.
Nigel was hanging off the side of the weird little footbridgethat went from the elevator to Tanner’s apartment door. Nigel had a staple gunand was stapling a tarp over top of the water. He grunted as he tried to maneuverwithout falling in.
“What are you doing, Nigel?”
“Hiding the…” Nigel started coughing. “Nothing. What are youdoing, Mr. Caldwell?” He placed one more staple and then slid back safely ontothe bridge. He was completely out of breath, but he quickly wiped off hislederhosen and stood up with a bow.
“Heading to work.” I lifted up the bag lunch.
“Good, good. I’m glad you found your lunch. Please don’t lookdown.”
“Nigel, I’ve been here before. I know Tanner somehow haswater under this bridge.”
“Right. Of course. Just normal everyday water and nothingmore. See you tonight, Mr. Caldwell. I’ll have a bath and a snifter of cognacwaiting for you upon your arrival.”
If that wasn’t the weirdest sentence I’d ever heard. “Thatwon’t be necessary, Nigel.”
“But you’re Master Tanner’s guest.”
“Just pretend I’m not here.”
“But you’re also Master Tanner’s best friend. Only the bestfor Master Tanner’s best friend.”
Okay. “I don’t really take baths, but I appreciate theoffer.”
“We’ll see if I can change your mind about that tonight. Goodday.” He hurried back inside with his staple gun.
Bath references should never sound dirty, but Nigel made itsound absolutely filthy. I sighed and looked down. And I swore I saw the tarpmove. I grabbed the railing on the bridge. What the hell? Was there somethingunder there?
Fuck it. I didn’t even want to know what was in that water. Itwas probably another houseboy dressed in lederhosen ready to jump out and scareme half to death. And I wanted no part in it. I’d had enough weirdness for one morning.I made my way over the footbridge and safely onto the elevator.
I just needed to focus on staying alive and convincing Pennyto give me those prototypes. And for Nigel to stop trying to see me naked.
Chapter 24
Tuesday
I hadn’t heard from Penny all day. I’d texted her
