Or I could just apologize to him. But for what? Heshould be apologizing to me, not the other way around. And I hadn’t heardanything from him either. Earlier today when I thought I might die, apologizinghad been on my mind. But now that I was nowhere near Poppy? I was still mad athim. Yes, over the years he’d apologized a lot for what happened with Brooklyn.But I don’t think he knew exactly what he was apologizing for. He’d fuckingruined my life.
I turned onto my street and pulled into an empty spot alongthe sidewalk. Screw James. I didn’t need his stupid tiny cameras. I pulledout my phone and brought up a camera option on Amazon. Why were all of these sobig? I had typed in discreet. I didn’t have the patience for searchingfor stuff like this. I sighed and climbed out of my car. If Mary wasn’t sonosy, I would have asked her to research them. But she would have had tons ofquestions. Maybe this was why all my friends had a staff. To do stuff likethis. Maybe I could ask Nigel to do it…
“Matt.”
I’d been so distracted on my phone that I didn’t realizethere was someone sitting on my front stoop. I looked up at Penny. Her cheekswere rosy and I could tell she’d been sitting out here in the cold for a longtime. But what was worse was that her eyes were slightly red like she’d beencrying.
“Hey,” I said.
“Hey?” She shook her head. “That’s all you have to say?”
What did she want me to say? It was pretty clear that herasshole of a husband had made her cry. But I didn’t bother asking her if she’dbeen crying. Because I knew she’d deny it. We were both quiet for a minute. Herstaring at me from the stoop. And me just standing there like an idiot.
“I should have texted you. I forgot you have practice afterwork and I shouldn’t have just shown up…. But can I come in? Please? We need totalk and I’m freezing.”
I didn’t love the idea of needing to talk. That was nevergood. But I wouldn’t make her stand out here in the cold anymore. I quicklyopened the door and ushered her inside.
She sighed. “It’s so nice and warm in here.” She rubbed herhands together.
“Let me get you a cup of tea.”
She smiled, but it looked forced. “That sounds lovely. You musthave a really smart friend that thought ahead and bought you a teakettle.”
“A smart and thoughtful friend, yeah.”
I filled the kettle up with water and turned on the stove. WhenI turned back to her, she’d peeled off her coat and was sitting at the kitchencounter. I stayed on the other side of the island. I hated seeing her upset. AndI knew if I was next to her I’d touch her. I wouldn’t be able to stop myself.
“I tried texting you earlier,” I said. “I figured you’dcanceled our plans.”
“Yeah. I was going to.” She shook her head. “I probablyshould have.”
That didn’t really answer my question. “But you changed yourmind?”
She didn’t reply.
I couldn’t read her tonight. Was she upset with James? Or wasshe upset with me? Because it kind of seemed like she was pissed at me. HadJames told her about Brooklyn? I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t know whatshe knew. I wasn’t even sure how much of James and my conversation she’doverheard the other night, if any. It was better to play it safe. “I’m sorrythat I barged in last night,” I said. “I should have just called.”
“Called?” She finally made eye contact with me. “No, Matt. Whatyou should have done was told James and me right away that someone threatenedour daughter.”
“Penny, I’m sorry…”
“You could have gotten her killed.” She took a deep breath. “I’msure James has already given you a piece of his mind. And you don’t need tohear it from me too. But I’m really freaking mad at you, Matt.”
I swallowed hard. So she was mad at me. Not James. Fuck.
“James is furious with you. But you know I always try to seethe good in people…” her voice trailed off. “James and I got in a fight. AndI…I just needed to talk to you.”
So he had made her cry? It was easier to latch on to thatidea instead of her being mad at me. James was such an ass. It just made meregret what I’d said to him last night even less. But why did she need to talkto me about their fight? There could only be two reasons. He either told her allabout Brooklyn and she was wondering why I hadn’t told her. Or she was herebecause she finally realized James was the worst and she was giving in to herfeelings for me. Because they were definitely there. I could feel it. Couldn’tshe?
The teakettle started wailing. I pulled it off the stove andpoured the hot water into two mugs. I handed one to her after putting a bag ofchamomile tea in it.
“Oh it feels so good,” she said as she wrapped her hands aroundthe hot cup.
Just you wait. I thought about what else she couldwrap her hands around to warm up. Stop. Her eyes were still puffy fromcrying. All I knew was that if she was mine, she wouldn’t be crying right now. I’dfucking worship that girl. Like she deserved. It was easy to think that wastrue. But was it really? Because I could never actually love her. And shecertainly didn’t deserve to be someone’s second choice. “Are you going to tellme what you two fought about?” I asked.
“Stress.”
Wait, what? “Stress?”
“Yes, stress. You unloaded all this stuff on him and it’s toomuch. He’s been working on stress management. After everything he’s beenthrough…he’s under enough pressure balancing work and fatherhood because he
