“Being the football coach was an interesting choice then,”Kennedy said.
I looked down at my t-shirt. We’d talked a lot during dinnerwith her mom last night. I could tell she thought it was an odd decision for meto choose to go back to Empire High all the time. “Like I said. I’m stuck.”
“Well, you said you went on that bad blind date. So you’redating. That’s good.”
“I’m not really dating. I’m not taking that app Penny has meon seriously.”
“But what about your dinner tonight?”
“Business.”
“Ah. Right, you did say that. So you’re not seeing anyone?”
Technically I was dating Poppy now. Barf. The pictureswould be plastered all over tomorrow morning’s tabloids. It was just like Poppyhad said. The whole city would know by tomorrow night. But my relationship withPoppy wasn’t real. This though? Holding Kennedy’s hand? This felt real. And Ididn’t want to talk about Poppy or anyone else with Kennedy. I just wanted to behere right now and be happy for five fucking seconds of my miserable life. So Ishook my head. “What about you?”
“I just uprooted my whole life and moved back here. How wouldI have met someone so quickly?”
“That doesn’t really answer my question.”
She smiled. “I didn’t leave anyone behind, if that’s whatyou’re asking.”
“What was your last serious relationship?”
“You’re full of questions tonight, Matt. I think it’s timefor me to ask one. A very important one. What’s in the other bag?” She eyed theother plastic bag I’d walked in with.
“French fries,” I said and went to grab them. I immediatelyregretted it. Because my hand fell from hers and my whole body suddenly feltempty.
“Now French fries sound good,” Kennedy said and plucked oneout. “Mmm. Just what I was craving.” She grabbed another instead of opening up herice cream container.
Kennedy had a bad habit of never ordering the right food. She’dstolen so many fries from me while we were in school. I put the takeout bagbetween us so she could keep stealing my food. I’d never minded then. And Ididn’t mind it now either.
She hugged her knees to her chest and watched me.
“What?” I asked.
“Nothing.”
“You should be elevating that,” I said. I reached out andgrabbed her ankle, pulling it onto my lap. I placed the ice pack on top. If Icouldn’t have her hand, I would at least take her foot.
She just kept silently watching me.
“What?” I asked again.
“On a scale of one to ten, how drunk are you? Like are yougoing to remember this when you wake up tomorrow?”
“There’s like a 50-50 chance.” As if those odds were somehowin my favor, I lightly ran my thumb along the inside of her ankle, tracing slowcircles. She felt it too, right? That it was easier to breathe when we were touching?
She didn’t pull away. “You know, when I was little, I kind ofjust thought the perfect guy would come find me. Like in all the Disney movies.But the only guy that showed up was Cupcake.”
“That would be a terrible Disney movie.”
“The worst,” she said with a laugh. But her face didn’t lookvery happy anymore. It looked like she wanted to cry. “And I…I stopped trying.”
“What do you mean you stopped?”
“You asked me what my last serious relationship was. That wasit.”
I just stared at her. “With Cupcake?”
She closed her eyes. “He broke me, Matt.” Her voice trembled.
I didn’t want her to be sad. Wasn’t I sad enough for the bothof us? “Only if you let him.”
She laughed, even though it was forced. “Right. Sorry.” Shewiped at her eyes even though I hadn’t seen a tear actually fall. “We need to picka movie. And eat French fries and ice cream.” She grabbed the remote.
“I don’t want to do any of those things,” I said.
“But it’s forbidden chocolate.”
“I don’t like forbidden chocolate.”
She looked at me instead of turning on the TV. “Right, you don’t.”She scrunched her mouth to the side like she was trying to remember what I’dliked in high school.
But I wasn’t talking about ice cream right now.
“What flavor do you prefer?”
My gaze dropped to her lips. “You.” The word just tumbled outof me. I couldn’t lie to her about why I was here. It wasn’t for food or amovie. It was to be with her. She was the only person who understood what I’dbeen through. And she’d just admitted it. She was as broken as me. And in someweird, twisted way, it felt like she’d been waiting all this time for me. Cupcakehad been her last serious relationship. She’d never been mine back then. But wewere tied together. We were both stuck. Why not be stuck together?
“I’m not an ice cream flavor,” she said, her voice barely a whisper.
I moved slowly, worried she’d shove me away. But somehowmoving slowly toward her, over top of her, just made the heat even morepalpable. It was like my whole body was on fire. And not in an Ash accidentkind of way. I was hovering over her, my lips a fraction of an inch away from hers,when she broke the silence.
“You’ll regret kissing me in the morning.”
“Who said I was going to kiss you?”
She laughed. “Matt…”
I grabbed the side of her face. “Fine. Yeah, I’m going tokiss you.”
There were tears in her eyes now. “You can’t, Matt. We needto pick a movie and eat ice cream before it melts.” But she didn’t push meaway.
I dropped my forehead to hers. “I just need to know if youfeel this too.”
The sound of her light breathing was speeding up. “Matt, you’redrunk.”
“I’m not that drunk.” I pulled back ever so slightly and tracedmy thumb along one of her tears. “Why are you crying?”
“Because I’m not her.” Kennedy’s voice cracked. “I’ll neverbe her.”
“You’re real. You’re here. I can touch you.” I let my handwander down the side of her neck. “I can taste you.” I felt tears forming in myeyes too. “I’m so sick of chasing a ghost, Kennedy. I don’t want to be stuckanymore. I want you.”
“But you still love her.”
I nodded. I knew what she was getting at. And maybe she wasright.
