“Are you high or something?” Rob asked.
“Nope. I’ve had a few drinks, but I’m sober enough to knowthat I feel amazing. I actually came by to apologize to James, but now I canapologize to all of you, so this is perfect. But I wished I knew you were allcoming because I only got an apology present for James.” I handed him the giftbag.
James just stared at me.
“What exactly are you apologizing for?” Rob asked.
“Great question. First off, I’m sorry that I made you all lieto your wives about Brooklyn ever existing. I shouldn’t have done that. Realshitty move on my part.”
Mason nodded.
“And for really not letting any of you talk about Brooklynfor all these years. Not talking about something doesn’t make those feelingsjust go away. I know she was a friend to all of you too. I wasn’t the only onethat lost someone, and it was rather selfish of me to act like I was.”
Rob just stared at me like he still thought I was high.
“And I think I’m most sorry for the fact that I blamed you twofor her death.” I pointed at Rob and James. “That was ridiculous. Yes, the lasttime I saw Brooklyn alive I had a fight with her because of the prank you allpulled. I blamed you two for my last words to her. For making Brooklyn feellike she had no one on her side when she died. I just needed someone else toblame. Because I hate that I did that. I hate what I said to her. I hate that Ileft her. I promised her I would never walk away from us. I promised her. And Ilied. I walked away and left her with Mr. Pruitt. I know it’s not your guys’fault that she died. Because it’s mine.” It’s my fucking fault.
Mason shook his head. “It’s not your fault.”
“It’s Mr. Pruitt’s,” Rob said.
I nodded, the smile suddenly gone from my face. “But if I’dstayed by her side…”
“Mr. Pruitt still would have found a way to get what hewanted from her,” James said. “You know that. You never could have preventedBrooklyn from hanging out with her dad one-on-one. And I’m sorry that the twoof you got in a fight because of what Rob and I did. I truly am. And I’m sorryI wasn’t sober enough to make better choices back then. I’m sorry that you wereworried I’d take my own life. I’m sorry I ever made you worry about that.”
Mason and Rob were quiet.
“All of you,” James said. “I’m sorry, guys. I was in a badplace. But I never meant to drag any of you down there with me. I didn’trealize I was doing that.”
I was surprised James brought that up. I was supposed to beapologizing to him for snapping at him the other night. Not the other wayaround.
I’m sure we’d all been worried about James hurting himselfover the years. But I was done holding grudges. “You don’t have to apologize.” Itried to shake away that feeling in my stomach that talking about Brooklynalways stirred up. The guilt that had been eating me away for 16 years. I neededto forgive my friends. But I needed to forgive myself too. If I had any chanceof giving Kennedy a life she deserved, I needed to let this go. It was time. Pasttime, really. Besides, I’d made Mrs. Alcaraz a new promise. And promises to theliving were more important than promises to the dead. They had to be. Because Icouldn’t keep going like this. I took a deep breath.
“I’m just really fucking sorry, guys,” I said. “Foreverything. And I don’t want there to be any resentment between us. I don’twant you to walk on eggshells around me or worry about me being okay. Because Iam okay. I think I’m more okay right now than I’ve been since Brooklyn died.” Ishook my head. “I just want all of us to be happy. You guys are my bestfriends.”
Tanner cleared his throat.
“All of you,” I said. “Can we just try to…move on from thepast?”
“We all made a lot of mistakes,” Rob said. “I’m sorry too.”
“You have nothing to apologize for,” I said.
“Does this mean you’re done with that fake smile bullshityou’ve been doing for the last 16 years?” Mason asked. “Because you may havetricked mom with that, but you look insane when you do that.”
Wow, I’d thought I’d nailed the fake smile thing. “No morefake smiles necessary.”
Mason looked relieved.
“So you guys forgive me?” I asked. This conversation had beeneasier than I thought it would be.
Mason and Rob both nodded.
“Of course,” Mason said. “We weren’t looking for an apology. Wejust wanted to make sure you were okay.”
Rob nodded.
But James stared at me. “When you were worried about me, youhad my back,” he said. “And I need to return the favor. Because despiteeverything you just said, I think we’re all still worried about you, Matt.”
“I don’t know,” Rob said. “He looks pretty happy to me.”
“I promise you,” I said. “I’m good. Better than good. I feelfucking fantastic.” For the first time in years I actually meant it. I was in agood place. I’d been lying to myself for years. Trying to put all this blame onmyself when it came to Brooklyn. But I couldn’t go back in time. And if I’d learnedanything from her, it was to never take any days for granted. She’d instilledthat in me. She’d be horrified that I’d been wasting my life away. And it waslike seeing Kennedy had jump started something in my heart. I was done beingpissed and angry with everyone. I just wanted to be me again.
“Well, that was easy,” Rob said. “We kind of nailed thisintervention thing, huh?” He started to stand up.
“Not so fast,” James said. “Matt, how on earth can you standthere and say you’re okay? Is dating Poppy a cry for help or something? I don’tagree with everything Penny said back there, because I know Brooklyn was aPruitt and she wasn’t like the others. But Poppy? Seriously? She’s awful. She’sjust as bad as Isabella. Is this some kind of cry for
