I get up with a smile as we make eye contact. “Hey. I’m Kara.”
“Hi,” she answers, seeming relieved. “It’s so nice to meet you. I’m sorry to walk around looking lost, but I’m trying to find someone. I originally couldn’t make it tonight, but I was able to move things around last-minute.”
“Well, you’re in luck because I can probably help you. I’m the maid of honor, so these seat assignments have haunted my dreams for weeks.”
“Aw, you’re such a good friend. I’m Madison.” She holds out her hand and I stand up to shake it. As I do, the world seems to slow down around me. My stomach twists and tightens to an excruciating point.
Her name rings out in my head, soft at first, then louder and louder until it’s deafening. Madison. Madison. Ryan’s Madison.
Madison is still shaking my now-trembling hand as she looks past me and flashes a radiant smile.
“There he is! Just excuse me for one second.”
Don’t turn around. If you don’t see it, it won’t be real.
I wish I could listen to my own warning, but I can’t. I turn around to watch Madison happily fling her arms around Ryan’s shoulders as he stares back at me with a look I’ve only ever seen the day I left him.
My insides lurch.
Ryan untangles Madison’s arms from around him and turns his eyes from me to her. “What are you doing here?” he asks.
“I cut my business trip short so I could surprise you. Did I?”
“Yeah, you did.” Ryan walks over towards me and Madison follows. My chest feels like it’s being stretched paper-thin. A million questions rush through me at once. “Kara, this is Madison.”
Madison. Madison. Madison. I’m getting a splitting headache. Madison reaches out to me again, this time with her left hand, and I almost collapse backwards.
“Wow,” I manage to force out, my voice shaking. “That is a beautiful diamond ring.”
She pulls her hand back to admire the ring herself before moving to rest it on Ryan’s stomach. I feel the world splitting in two and I want to fall into the gap.
“Thank you so much,” she says sweetly. “We only got engaged a couple weeks ago. We haven’t really told anyone yet. Just our families.”
I think she’s still talking but I can’t make out what she’s saying. I’m so dizzy and I hear this ringing sound and I might cry. I think I should walk away now, out of the room or out of the state.
“Okay, great to meet you but I have to go check on something.”
I turn and leave without another word. Ryan is saying something but it’s so hard to hear him over the ringing in my ears.
Calm down. Focus. Get to the bridal suite. You’ll be all right if you can get to the bridal suite.
I cross the length of the reception hall as the people move past me at an alarming rate. Everyone’s spinning, all in a blur. The music is blaring and I’m sweating.
I hit the hallway and I know I’m almost there. The bridal suite. Quiet. I pass the coat check closet that isn’t in use and open the door that only the bridal elite can open. It closes behind me with a thud.
I look around at the tufted settees and empty champagne glasses and remember all of us sitting in here an hour ago. We toasted Cristina and Jason, and Ryan brushed his knee against mine. No one knew but us.
Oh, we were a secret all right. I had no idea how big of a secret we were.
I move to the center of the white marble floor and turn when the door opens. Ryan. He shuts the door and it feels like a too curious zoo-goer has stepped inside my tiger cage. No one would blame me if I ripped him to pieces.
“Kara.” He’s trying to be calm, but I hear the fear in his voice. It pulls me out of my daze and now I’m focused. Out for blood.
“How long have you been with her?” I ask point-blank. “If you say you’ve been together since we broke up, I think I might actually kill you.”
“No. No, of course not. She got a job on the West Coast right after you and I ended things and we never spoke again after that. We only reconnected a year ago.”
It’s strange. I’ve written about heartbreak for a long time. I’ve used words to dance around it, to flame the fire of pain in my readers to make them connect with a story, but this, what I’m feeling right now...my words never scratched the gory surface.
“Have you been talking to her while you were here? When do you call her, when you take Duke for his walks?”
There’s a long pause. I can feel the color draining from my cheeks.
Ryan nods.
I shake my head and start pacing the room, barely breathing. “I can’t believe I did this. I can’t believe I let this happen all over again.”
“Kara, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I swear I was going to end things with her as soon as I got home. I would have done it over the phone but that seemed wrong since we’re...” His words break off.
“You’re what?” I demand, already knowing what he means. “Go ahead and say it. Say it really loud so you can hear just how big of a dirtbag you are.”
Ryan swallows. “Since we’re engaged.”
Man, this hurts. I might throw up. I need to get out of here. I try to leave but he’s already in front of me, grabbing my wrists. The feel of his hands on me makes me want to claw my skin off. I pull myself out of his grasp and take a step backward.
“I knew I shouldn’t have done this. I knew being with you was wrong, but I didn’t care. This is what I get. This is what needs to happen to people like
