‘You’re in early,’ she said, looking a bit sheepish. She wasn’t supposed to eat while working on the front desk, not that he cared.
‘Client meeting, loads to prepare,’ he told her. He looked at her croissant. ‘That looks good,’ he said, and his tummy rumbled as if on cue. She laughed, tore a large piece off and offered it to him, which he took gratefully. The warm, sticky pastry gave him a sudden rush of pleasure and he found he didn’t want to leave. He leaned against the desk, propped up by one elbow, and they fell into an easy conversation.
Claire was sharp and funny. She was twenty-seven, lived in Wimbledon and liked to travel as much as possible, she told him. She enjoyed temping because she didn’t want to commit to anywhere long term. She particularly liked working on reception because she got to people-watch all day. She was clearly intelligent, the type of person who would probably be good at any job they were given but work to her was simply a means to earn enough money to go on her next adventure. After a decade of toeing the line – working his way up the career ladder, getting married and having kids – he loved her attitude. He didn’t think he’d done a single impulsive thing since he bought a last-minute plane ticket to visit Kate in Thailand when she went travelling the summer after they graduated from university. Christ, how long ago had that been?
‘I’m living vicariously through you,’ he told her with a grin when she regaled him with tales of what she’d been up to over the weekend, getting tipsy in the champagne bar at St Pancras Station and jumping on the Eurostar to Paris for a night just for the hell of it. Maybe it was a midlife crisis, sad and stereotypical as it was, but he found himself feeling undeniably envious of her carefree life, so far removed was he from it. Before he knew it, half an hour had passed, and colleagues started trickling into the office. ‘Shit,’ he said. ‘Better go prep for the meeting. Thanks for the croissant.’
‘Any time,’ she said, smiling at him before returning to her work.
Over the weeks that followed he started stopping by regularly to say hi. Soon he realised that he was looking forward to seeing her. She was an escape from his own mundane life and it was like a breath of fresh air in the stifling heat. He started coming into work early several times a week, telling her – and himself – that it was down to his heavy workload when he knew deep down it was so that he could have some time alone with her in the quiet of the early morning before the masses arrived for work and burst their bubble. It became his favourite part of the day.
One evening he was leaving on time for once and as he came downstairs he saw her applying lipstick, checking herself carefully in a little compact mirror.
‘Going anywhere nice?’ he asked her.
‘Date,’ she admitted with a shrug.
He felt a pang of jealousy which surprised him. ‘Well, have a great time,’ he replied briskly and hurried off before she had a chance to notice his reaction. He had no right to be pissed off but for the rest of the evening he felt inexplicably low. The next morning he didn’t come into work until later, giving her what he hoped was a cheery wave as he walked past her in a steady stream of people and headed straight up to his office. He never asked her how it went.
Pete had never cheated on his wife and Christ, he’d been offered it on a plate often enough. He’d had some flirtations over the years, attractive colleagues or clients leaning in close to him at business dinners or corporate events and making their intentions perfectly clear. He’d enjoyed their attention, certainly, and he’d even been tempted once or twice but he hadn’t crossed the line. His dad had been a liar and a cheat and he’d always promised that he would be better. Plus, he’d been with Kate since he was nineteen years old and he couldn’t imagine life without her. But recently, life with her had become hard.
They’d always been in sync, the two of them, from their student days through their twenties and into their early thirties. She was nothing like any woman he had ever met before and she was everything he had ever wanted – fun, confident and ambitious. But since getting married and having kids, she had completely changed to the point where he felt he barely even knew her. She was withdrawn, always tired and, seemingly, always angry at him for unknown reasons. Whatever lust for life she’d had for all those years had been snuffed out of her. Was she even aware of it, he wondered? He’d tentatively brought it up a few times, suggesting she talk to someone about it, and she’d shot him down so viciously that he’d given up trying. Perhaps this is just what happens when you have kids, he thought. He had never given any serious thought to the fact that their marriage might be in trouble, he had simply accepted his lot and got on with life. It’ll get better when the children are older, he told himself, that’s what everyone says. Those first few years are the hardest. And anyway, they were perfect for each other, him and Kate, everyone said it.
He
