But after scouring job listings every week, she soon discovered that part-time jobs in PR were pretty hard to come by. And anyway, who the hell had time to write a CV and pithy covering letters when they were also looking after a toddler? Each day Kate told herself that she’d spend Lily’s nap time on job hunting but then something would distract her – the online grocery shop or an email from her mum that she hadn’t replied to – and she never quite got around to it. Before she knew it, months had passed and she’d started to think about baby number two. There’s no point getting a job now, she thought, best wait until I’ve had the second baby and then I can really get stuck back into my career knowing that the pregnancy and baby days are behind me. And then of course Maggie had arrived, along with another onslaught of postnatal depression, and blown away the last shred of confidence she had. By the time Rachel arrived on the scene Kate didn’t really know who she was anymore, and was too exhausted to figure it out. Now here she was five years later, still being looked after by Rachel, and not a great deal had changed except that she thought she’d got a lot better at hiding how she felt and acting like everything was fine. But now she was beginning to realise that she’d been wrong this whole time.
Rachel stood up to start making the girls’ dinner and Kate went to help her, the two women working next to each other in companionable silence. Once the girls were at the table eating, Rachel said goodbye and slipped out, leaving Kate alone with them. She looked at them both and felt that familiar rush of love for them. For years now she’d struggled with motherhood, compared herself to others and concluded each time that the girls deserved better than her. But here they were, two beautiful, happy little girls who loved and laughed without a care in the world. In a fleeting moment of clarity, she thought I’ve got this, I can do this. She smiled at them both as they munched on their pasta. ‘Who’s up for a game of snap after dinner?’
8
Pete
He wasn’t supposed to spill the beans but it just came tumbling out, like most secrets tend to do in the end. He’d gone for a pint with Dan after work and as they sat down, drinking with relish after a long day of meetings, Dan had looked at him thoughtfully. ‘What gives, mate?’
The suddenness of the question had startled Pete but before he could stop himself a wry grin had escaped involuntarily. ‘What do you mean?’
‘You’re like the cat that’s got the cream. I haven’t seen you this chirpy for ages, it’s like you’re a new man. So, what gives?’
Pete quickly weighed up his options. They had agreed to tell no one about the affair, even close friends. It had been his idea but Claire hadn’t seemed to mind. She wasn’t an over-sharer, like most other women he knew, and she told him she preferred to keep her private life to herself. So he fully believed that she hadn’t told a soul. Yet here he was, the one with the most to lose, and he simply couldn’t keep it in any longer. ‘So, I’ve actually met someone,’ he said slowly, observing Dan to see his reaction.
Across the table Dan raised his eyebrows but said nothing.
‘I know it’s terrible, I’m a massive shithead, etc., etc., but things between me and Kate haven’t been good for a long time, mate. And I wasn’t looking for anything but then it came along and I couldn’t stop it and now, well, now I think I might be a bit smitten.’ It was the first time he had admitted how he felt but he’d been thinking it for a while now. Saying the words only confirmed his feelings, and the pint he was necking at a significant rate definitely helped. He was mad for this girl.
‘Bloody hell, Pete, how long has this been going on for?’
‘A few months,’ he admitted.
‘Who is it?’
‘It’s, erm, well it’s Claire from work.’
Dan’s brow furrowed as he mentally worked his way through the people at work, looking for a Claire. His eyes widened as he hit the jackpot. ‘Claire from reception?’
Now Pete was properly grinning, despite the inappropriateness of it all. ‘Yep.’
‘I don’t know what to say, mate. I mean fair play, she’s hot, but what the fuck, Pete?’ He held his hands up. ‘I’m not judging – it’s clear that you’re really happy – but this is a big deal, you know that, right? What are you planning to do about it?’
He’d thought about it of course, although he and Claire hadn’t discussed it. After that minor slip when he’d gone to see her on a Saturday, he’d felt so uncomfortable for the rest of the weekend that he’d promised himself he wouldn’t do it again. But they were still meeting after work every week.
Earlier this week he’d got an email from HR to say he’d been given an extra two days’ annual leave for his low absence rate and he’d immediately hatched a plan to spend it with Claire. Kate managed his usual annual leave allowance like the Gestapo, each day accounted for with holidays, long weekends or childcare responsibilities. But these two were all his, and he had already started researching out-of-town options where he and Claire would be safe from prying eyes. Perhaps they could even make a mini-break of it – he could tell Kate he was taking clients away for a night. He did it fairly often so she wouldn’t be suspicious. The thought had made him tense with excitement. But they were still very much living in the moment, both refusing to acknowledge the reality that it
