And what have I ever done to him but try to be a good wife and mother? she thought angrily. I’ve always been loyal to him. I gave up my career to raise our children, I stayed at home so he could continue to live his old life like nothing had changed. And this is how he repays me? But even as she told herself that she was blameless, she knew her words were only half truths. She felt the last shred of self-confidence that she had only just been hanging on to start to rip apart. Who was she kidding? She was hardly the dream housewife. Yes, she had done these things, but she had failed at it and she had resented it. She had blamed him – he knew it and she knew it. And this was her comeuppance.
But she didn’t deserve this. No one deserved this. The lies, the deceit – they’d been together for over fifteen years, he owed her more than this. He had never actually told her that he was unhappy and he should have spoken to her first, he should have confronted the situation head-on and given them a chance to fix it before he went looking elsewhere. Would it have even made a difference, she wondered? Even if they’d still been as in love as ever, would his head have been turned by this woman anyway? Had there been other women? Did it simply come down to the fact that he was a cheater? How had it all come to this?
The sound of children dumping swimming bags on the floor by the front door and running into the kitchen jolted her out of her thoughts.
‘Mummy, Mummy!’ Maggie shouted, immediately climbing on to her lap. Kate wrapped her arms around her daughter and held on to her tightly, breathing in the familiar smell of chlorine and trying not to cry. ‘What’s for lunch, Mummy?’ Lily, always ravenous after swimming, asked as she stuck her nose in the fridge.
Before she had a chance to answer, Pete walked in. He looked at Kate and frowned. ‘You okay, Kate? You look pale.’
‘I think I might be coming down with something, actually,’ she replied. ‘I’m feeling a little peaky.’
‘Poor Mummy,’ Maggie said, putting her little hand on her mum’s forehead. ‘Do you need some Calpol?’
She smiled weakly. ‘Thanks, darling, I think perhaps I just need to rest up for a little bit and then I’ll be just fine. So how about you and Daddy go out for burgers?’
The girls squealed with excitement and Pete didn’t look disappointed either. He loved McDonald’s and it was a rare treat in their household. ‘Are you sure you’ll be okay on your own?’ he asked.
She nodded. ‘I’m fine, you go.’
‘Should we bring you anything back?’
‘No, it’s okay, I’m just going to go back to bed for a bit. I’m sure I’ll be fine later.’
After he’d ushered the children back out of the house, Kate considered making a coffee before pouring a glass of wine instead, and sat down to decide on her plan of action. She would have to confront him tonight and tell him that she knew about the affair. He’d probably deny it at first but once he realised there was no getting out of this situation he’d have to admit it. Then what? She doubted that he was going to get down on his knees and beg for her forgiveness. Was it worth trying to persuade him to fight for their marriage? Did she even have it in her for a fight anymore? Should she just pack a bag for him and present him with it that night, telling him to go? Should she leave with the girls and go to Erin’s house? No, she decided immediately, this is our home and he is the one who has to go.
So that was it. They’d have it out and then she’d kick him out.
And shit! They were meant to be going to Greece next week. Well screw him, she thought. Me and the girls will go without him and we’ll have an amazing time. And he can stay in miserable old London, shagging his mistress and doing whatever he wants. I don’t care. He won’t be my problem anymore, I’ll have kicked him out.
Except that she never did. She could never really understand or explain why. Was it because she preferred to stay in denial about her life and her marriage, because she was waiting for him to say something, or because she was simply too tired or too afraid for a confrontation? Either way, they had all trooped back from McDonald’s, high on fast food and she’d simply put the kettle on and got on with her day. So many times she was on the verge of saying something, of confronting him and asking for
