“Thanks. I think you’re right,” I said.
I untied my apron, hung it up and went out behind the building. I dialed Laura. I needed her to ground me and make me think like an adult and not a teenager.
“Hey, what’s up?” she said.
“Nothing, I’m just breaking shit at work today and I’m never this clumsy,” I said.
“You slept with Max,” she said flatly.
“What the hell? You play detective or something? How did you know that?”
“You’re clumsy and you sound really down. So either he fired you, which I would’ve heard about by now, or you hooked up and it didn’t end well.”
“Thanks, Sherlock,” I said wryly.
“So how was it?” she asked.
“You want details?”
“Of course, I want details,” she said.
“It was incredible, okay?” I said miserably.
“How do you feel?”
“I’m not sure. I mean, he woke me up and he was really nice about it but he basically asked me to leave because of Sadie, which I get. I don’t want to risk confusing her or hurting her either. But I have some, well, I have feelings for him.”
“Am I supposed to fake surprise?” Laura said.
“I guess not. My point is, we agreed to never do it again, and to go back to normal, and he said he was sorry. So, what do I do? Just pretend it never happened?”
“My advice? You get a different job. This isn’t good for you. I’m not against you sleeping with whoever you want to sleep with. I’m strongly anti-him-hurting-you and that’s what’s going to happen if you don’t get out of there. Find a different way to make money to get the diner. This isn’t worth suffering for, and it’s going to make you suffer every time you see him and know he told you to leave. The guy kicked you out of bed.”
“It wasn’t like that. He told me he was selfish to have slept with me, I deserved better than him—he was so sweet,” I said, my voice cracking a little.
“Look, he slept with you, woke you up, kicked you out, and then whined about it and felt sorry for himself. This man is not convincing me that he’s a decent guy, Rach. Listen to me for once. Give him a week’s notice if you’re feeling generous and then get out. Avoid him as long as you can. Don’t even wait on his table at the diner. You have to take care of yourself, and Max isn’t worth it. He’s emotionally unavailable. And the only thing he’s right about is that he doesn’t deserve you.”
“You’re wrong.”
“No, I’m right. What you’re saying is you don’t care that I’m right because you love him. Goddamn, Rach. I wanna go arrest him for this.”
“That’s—really unethical,” I said with a watery laugh.
“It made you laugh, so it was worth it. I won’t even check his past speeding tickets if you don’t want me to, but please, please quit this job.”
“Laura, I can’t leave them in a bind like that. I’m going to keep watching Sadie as long as I said I would. I’ll just learn to deal with it.”
“Then be upfront about things with him and watch out for yourself. Don’t let him break your heart. I have a nightstick, pepper spray, and a taser on me all the time. Don’t give me an excuse to use them on this guy.”
“I love you. Even when you’re threatening with violence,” I told her.
18
Max
I turned the steaks on the grill and listened to the sizzle of the meat. I could hear Sadie laughing as Noah pushed her on the swing. Last summer he helped me build a playset for her out in the backyard. We got a little grandiose with it, and it was huge. There were swings, two slides—one straight and one curly, monkey bars, a climbing wall, and a fire pole. She didn’t really do the fire pole or the monkey bars yet, but she loved the swings and slides. Noah came over for supper and the two of them were having a ball on the playset. It sounded like they were being pirates.
While I watched the meat, I stopped to be glad the week was over. It had been that long since I slept with Rachel. We’d managed to navigate around each other and be polite since then, but it was a strain. I was always holding back, being detached with her. When I came in from work to find Sadie and Rachel dusted with flour from making homemade play-doh, their hands blue from food coloring, I had wanted to kiss the flour off her face. When I woke up in the middle of the night every damn night now, I looked for her and wished she was curled up on her side in my bed, her warm curves, the softness of her breath. I missed her with every fiber of my being. I missed laughing with her, sharing things about Sadie with her, missed burying my cock inside her eager, tight body, sucking her tongue into my mouth, making her cling to me. I was rock hard half the time now. After going a year or more without hooking up with a woman, I was addicted now. To the scent of her, the taste of her. When I had tossed and turned and finally gotten some sleep, I dreamed I was between her legs, eating her out, or I was holding her, kissing her awake. Not to send her home like I had in real life, but to roll her beneath me and claim her again and again. I’d wake up rutting against the mattress, miserable.
Noah came over from pushing Sadie on the swing and looked me up and down.
“Spill, brother. What’s going on?”
“Nothing,” I lied.
“Max,” he said, rolling his eyes at me.
“I slept with Rachel.”
“That’s fantastic, man. I thought you looked happier this week. She’s a terrific girl. And Sadie loves her.”
“That’s not the problem. The problem is that I made the decision a long time ago
