I needed to get rid of the sick fear in my stomach from just seeing her. From the fact that she had laid eyes on Sadie. I knew that Jenna couldn’t take her away from me, but if she wanted to push it, she could go to court and get visitation. There was no way in hell I was sending Sadie to that woman every other weekend, losing time with my daughter and changing everything I’d made carefully safe and comfortable in her life. I heard the crunch of tires on gravel and got to my feet, ready to call the cops to run her off if she was back.
Rachel’s car pulled up and I felt my clenched fists relax, felt the breath I was holding rush out. I was always glad to see her, but I felt like I almost couldn’t deal with her right now. It would be enough of a strain to act normal till Sadie went to sleep. There was no chance I was telling her or anyone about this. It just needed to go away.
23
Rachel
From the minute I arrived at the cabin and found Max sitting out on the porch, I knew something was wrong. He was never outside without Sadie. He didn’t have his phone out, so he hadn’t been on a call. I went to him and hugged him. The hug I got was more like putting my arms around an iron slab, unyielding and hard. I drew back.
“You okay?”
“I’m fine. Come on in.”
I followed him in, and Sadie looked up a little suspiciously from the couch. She didn’t run to me and try to climb me or demand to be picked up and carried. Something was so weird here.
“Are you feeling okay, Sadie Lady?” I asked.
“Yeah,” she said, but she looked at her dad and not at me.
“We’re watching Frozen 2,” Max said. “Care to join us?”
“I’m sorry, Daddy. I just wanna go play in my room.”
“Okay, baby. I’ll turn it off.” He switched off the TV. Sadie went into her room. She didn’t bring anything out to show me or tell me a hundred things she’d done since this morning.
“Sadie’s not acting like herself. What’s wrong?”
“Maybe she’s just tired,” he shrugged. Total red flag there—him not showing overprotective concern over his daughter. I’d pointed out something was wrong, and he brushed it off. So he knew what was going on and just wasn’t telling me.
“Max, come on. Something’s up. Did she just get in big trouble or something? You were on the porch, she was in here by herself watching TV, and then just ran off to her room. That isn’t like either of you.”
“We’re fine. You’re freaking out over nothing. Do you want something to eat?”
“I just left a diner. I don’t want food. I wanted to spend time with you guys. But she’s hiding and you’re not talking. Talk to me,” I said.
“There’s nothing going on. Maybe Sadie wants to play outside. We can take her out to the swing set if you want.”
I went and got Sadie, who was sitting on her bed holding Mooshie. We went out and she swung for a while and seemed more normal. She went down the slide once and then amused herself by throwing Mooshie up the slide and then catching it when it slid down. Max and I sat down and had lemonade, and he told me about the project Noah was working on, the big order he needed to fill. He thawed out a little, but he seemed disconnected from me. When they were talking about supper, I stood up.
“I’m sorry. I can’t stay. I made plans to grab a drink with Laura, since we haven’t caught up in a while.”
“Okay, well, have a good time,” he said, not even getting up to walk me out. I kissed Sadie’s head and just sort of waved at him and left.
At the bar I was halfway down my margarita and done pretending everything was fine. “Do you think he lost feelings for me?”
“That quick? No way.”
“He was acting weird and so was Sadie.”
“Okay, let me be the first to tell you since you don’t seem to know. Men are strange. Get used to it.”
“Thanks,” I said sarcastically.
“I’m serious, they’re not gonna sit and analyze our every move. They don’t do that. If he was quiet, it’s because he didn’t want to talk. If Sadie was acting strange, she either didn’t sleep last night or she needs to poop. Trust me. Poop—so many problems go back to that,” she took a drink.
“I know I’m probably reading too much into it but something was really off.”
“I always say trust your gut. In this case, since asking about it didn’t make any difference, I guess do the hardest thing which is wait for him to tell you. I mean, personally, if it was Brody, I’d barricade him in the interrogation room with me, shine a 200-watt bulb in his eyes and demand answers. But that’s just me.”
Laura laughed, and I did too, but I didn’t really feel any better.
“Example,” she said, “you’re acting weird now, all soft-voiced and emotional. Because you had a bad day. Maybe they had a crappy day, and it affected everybody’s mood. It’s probably nothing to do with you.”
“So, it’s probably that they’re both constipated, right?” I said wryly.
“Stranger things have happened. I know if I’m bloated you don’t even wanna try and talk to me.”
I felt better after that, and she told me about Brenna’s latest adventures in potty training and the long weekend trip she and Brody were planning to take for their anniversary. It had been a wild ride for them, and they deserved a romantic weekend.
“We’ll probably sleep. It’s the ugly truth. I’m crazy about him. But I’m
