‘I don’t believe you,’ Amy said. She’d pulled herself together and sounded incredulous instead of upset. ‘Do you have any idea how crazy that sounds?’
‘Maybe it is,’ Joe said. ‘Maybe I am. Time will tell, I guess.’
‘You’ll never have what we had,’ Amy said. ‘Not with her. You know that, right?’
‘Yeah,’ Joe said. ‘Yeah, I do. But that’s kind of the whole point, isn’t it? I don’t want what we had, Ame. Living with Heather is so easy, and fun, and drama-free. It’s kind. We’re kind to each other. All the time. And that changes everything. It’s made me realise just how miserable what we had was.’
‘We were together for nearly fifteen years, Joe. How can you even compare?’
‘It’s just, this thing,’ Joe said. ‘This thing with Heather. These last few months . . . Well, they’re the closest thing I’ve ever found to whatever it is that I want.’
I heard movement then, the sound of Amy standing – heels on tarmac. ‘I’m trying really hard, here, but I just don’t believe you,’ she said.
‘That’s OK,’ Joe told her calmly. ‘I don’t need you to believe me. Actually, I don’t really care if you believe me or not, Amy. What you think makes no difference to me any more.’
‘This isn’t you, Joe,’ Amy said. ‘I don’t even recognise you.’
‘It’s like you said in your email, Ame. I love you as a friend. I love you like family. But there’s no way I want to live with you again. All that Mungaro and Pure Being bollocks, all the crystals and laying on of hands and . . . whatever . . . There was so much bullshit that I can’t even remember it all. And you were never happy, despite any of it. Actually, you were a pain in the arse to live with, Ame, and if you must know, the truth is that I feel lucky to have got out when I did.’
‘Lucky to have gotten out?!’ Amy gasped.
‘Well, yeah. I’m sorry, but that’s how it feels to me. In retrospect, living with you was a horror story. It took all my energy just to put up with all your shit. You’re a nightmare, Amy – a bloody nightmare!’
There was the sound of a slap, then. The short, sharp snap of skin on skin. ‘Just . . . fuck you, Joe!’ Amy spat. ‘I mean, really. Fuck you!’
As she marched by, I turned to face the other way, and she didn’t glance in my direction. I was feeling faint and my knees had gone weak, so I perched on the edge of a windowsill.
It was about a minute before Joe stepped into view, and I cried the whole time. He’d taken the time to finish his cigarette, I think, and as he walked past me he was scrunching the butt up between his fingers with one hand and caressing his reddening cheek with the other.
When I called his name, he spun on one foot and stared at me, his expression shifting from shock, to recognition, then finally to that beautiful, gentle smile of his. ‘Heather,’ he said simply.
I began to weep again, which surprised me. I’d thought I was all out of tears.
‘Did you hear?’ he asked, stepping towards me. ‘Did you hear all of that?’ He wrapped me in his arms and I pressed my face into his thick jumper, taking in the musky scent of him.
‘Did you?’ he asked again, while rubbing my back. I nodded in silent reply.
‘Good,’ he said. ‘I’m glad. I’ve been struggling to tell you, but now you know.’
We stood like that for a few minutes, until a waiter passed by with a tray of empty glasses, prompting Joe to release me from his embrace.
It was then that he took my hand, and it was the first time we’d ever held hands. ‘Let’s go home, shall we?’ he said.
‘Home?’ I repeated, because I liked the sound of that word.
‘Yeah, home,’ he said. ‘Come on.’
When we got back, Amy’s car was still in the drive, so I braced myself for a face-to-face confrontation. Instead, we found Ant indoors. He’d walked the three kids back to ours and let himself in with his key.
‘I made myself a cuppa while I was waiting,’ he called out, from the kitchen. ‘I hope you don’t mind?’ As an afterthought, he muttered, ‘Huh . . . not sure why I’m apologising.’
‘It’s fine,’ I told him from the staircase. I climbed a few steps so that he wouldn’t see what a mess I looked. I wondered why on earth he was here. Could this be him moving back in, already?
‘Hey, Joe,’ Ant said, as he entered the kitchen. ‘I had to bring them back, I’m afraid. They’re in the garden. Sorry about that, mate, but Amy wants to talk or something. She seems to be in a bit of a state, so I’m gonna drive her car back and I’ll, um, let you know if I can have them later.’
‘No, it’s OK,’ Joe said. ‘Just leave them here with us. We’re fine now, aren’t we, Heather?’
‘Totally fine,’ I said, still speaking from the staircase. ‘But you should probably get back home to Amy. I’d like to be alone with Joe, if you don’t mind.’
‘Women!’ Ant said to Joe. ‘Must be a full moon or something. Good luck.’
Once he’d left, I continued to the bathroom to wash my face.
When I got back downstairs, Joe was seated in the conservatory, watching the kids through the open door. Outside, in the sunshine, Ben was playing with a paper plane, while Lucy was dragging Dandy around.
‘Gently with him,’ I called out. ‘He’s old!’
‘So how are you doing?’ Joe asked, looking up at me.
I turned back to face him and smiled gently. ‘I’m OK,’ I said.
‘OK?’ he repeated. ‘I was hoping for a bit more than OK. Unless you don’t feel the same way?’
I swallowed with difficulty. ‘It’s just that I have a question for you,’ I said. ‘There’s something I need to know. Something that’s been eating away at me.’
Joe
