‘Don’t you always say five o’clock is a solicitor’s lunchtime?’ I speak. ‘I’m going to get us a seat and go to the loo.’
All the windows are wide open, allowing in a welcome breeze. I wait for a flurry of customers who are all leaving to pass me, all workaholics like Caitlin who suddenly found themselves ravenous for food after skipping lunch. Caitlin seems to know a few and they nod polite hellos as they pass her.
‘Grab me a muffin as well,’ I say as I head to a table in the corner with a view to the busy street outside. I leave my bag to reserve our table but take my phone and dash to the loo.
Inside the single female toilet cubicle, I lock the door and take out the skull figurine from my shorts pocket. I think about us as kids and how such a small object gave Caitlin such a sense of power. A power that Caitlin had wanted to take from Ava. I thought about how I had just seen Ava in the reception. It must have been important for Ava to make the journey from Surrey. After her email the other day, and now seeing her in Caitlin’s office, it all feels very unusual. But I’m glad that I had managed to stay hidden and avoided engaging in conversation with her. Ava has a way of extracting information from you before you even know you’ve given it. It was the same at Josephine’s funeral last year. I had made a deal with myself to stay away from her, and if our paths crossed, then I would keep the conversation light and neutral. But I was at the buffet table at the hotel when I heard her coarse, cut-glass voice behind me. Before I knew it, I was answering all her questions about my business and my boyfriend. I hated myself afterwards and just wanted to get in my car and drive straight home.
I thrust the skull back in my back pocket, and as I am washing my hands, I look in the mirror and try to see the innocence of that young girl from all those years ago. But she’s gone, and in her place is a woman I barely recognise these days, with too many secrets reflecting in her eyes. On the plus side, I feel I’ve aged well – there are still no signs of grey hairs or wrinkles, I keep my figure trim with three trips to the gym a week, Pilates and the odd parkrun, and I get my long hair highlighted every two months. I know I can’t rival Caitlin’s classic style and ability to look good no matter what she wears these days, but I have to give myself some credit.
I make it back out into the café just as Caitlin is finishing up at the counter and heading over to the table. I slide into my seat and plaster a welcoming smile across my face. It feels as though it’s been such a long time since we last spoke.
Caitlin places the tray down on the table between us and I see she hasn’t purchased any food for herself, just a coffee. I take my black coffee, the one that Caitlin knows to order for me in here, and I start nibbling at my muffin as Caitlin puts the tray against the wall and sprinkles one sweetener in her milky drink.
‘Is this the bride-to-be diet? Coffee and sweetener? I thought you said you hadn’t had lunch.’ I blow across the top of my coffee; it will be too hot to drink for a few minutes.
‘I haven’t.’ Caitlin screws the sweetener paper up into a tight ball and drops it in front of her on the table. ‘I had a big breakfast and I’ll eat tonight with Chuck.’ At the mere mention of his name, the atmosphere between us becomes charged. But I must be imagining it because when I look at Caitlin, she is stirring her coffee with one hand and looking at her phone with the other, pulling a strained expression.
‘So, how have you been?’ I go for neutral questions before I hit her with making a decision about the favours. Maybe she will think they are still too cliché after all.
Caitlin finishes up stirring her coffee, places the spoon down and looks at me.
‘Favours.’
‘What?’
‘I haven’t replied to your text. I’ve been a little… busy. Preoccupied.’ Caitlin chews the tip of her nail. ‘I know I’m a terrible bore not replying, but you know.’ She waves her hand around.
No, I thought, I don’t know. But instead, I say what I usually say to appease her and keep the peace. ‘Okay, well that’s understandable, you’re planning a wedding.’
‘Correction. You’re planning the wedding, and I should have answered your texts. As I said I have a couple of things, well, rather one big contract I am trying to tie up at the moment. It seems to be taking up all of my time.’
I nod and try to put on my most understanding face.
It is not exactly an apology from Caitlin but it’s the closest I’ll get. I feel a swell of happiness that I smother with a tight nod. I take a sip of my coffee.
‘Sooo, I’m still organising this wedding?’
Caitlin snorts. ‘Why anyone would want to is beyond me, but you seem to be enjoying it. I prefer to remain blissfully ignorant to it all anyway.’
I had a sudden urge to clear my throat. I suddenly feel a prickle of paranoia.
‘Blissfully ignorant?’ I ask, just testing the waters to check we are still discussing the wedding.
Caitlin pushes a stray lock back in place with the rest of her perfectly quaffed hair. Then she looks straight at me and I see a flicker of something in her eyes.
‘I find that it’s sometimes the best way to be. About most things. Where possible. Like this wedding.’
‘Your wedding,’ I correct her.
‘Right.’ She sips her coffee. ‘My job
