19 London, September 2009
Three weeks until the wedding
Caitlin wants to have a party. It is three weeks until the wedding, and she has just text me to tell me I need to hire a venue for a pre-wedding meal.
It feels like the sort of thing rich American families do in movies, and I have to admit, it feels a bit too wedding-y for Caitlin. But I rise to the occasion and begin to organise what feels like an impossible task. I wonder what Caitlin could possibly be cooking up and why she is suddenly so keen to have all her family and friends congregated at a swanky London venue just before her wedding day? But more to the point, will I be able to get a venue booked for next week?
I begin frantically ringing around, dropping in the Miller and Anderton name, occasionally swapping that for the Clemonte family name to see if any of those would sway the venues into giving us the run of a place for one night. Luckily money is no object for Caitlin and Chuck, but unfortunately for us, money is also no object to the people who had booked out the first three venues I called. Finally, on my fourth call, I am able to secure the venue using Caitlin’s bank card. I leave it to them to call me back later with a food and drinks menu and then begin ticking off the final things on my bridesmaid’s duties list.
It is Oscar’s Friday to have Immy. Kelly had dropped her round earlier and when Oscar arrives home, Immy and I are already immersed in pizza making. I can’t keep the smug smile from my face as Immy rolls out the home-made pizza dough. The work surface is littered with all sorts of ingredients to keep her little hands busy. Oscar smiles at my efforts. I know he is still cut up about my rejection, but I remind myself that in just a few weeks it will all be over and I can explain everything to Oscar. And hopefully he will understand.
When Immy had come rushing in and bundled straight into me when Kelly dropped her off, I gave her the tightest squeeze and realised how lucky I am to have both her and Oscar in my life. Suddenly, the thought of a life without them brings a wave of despondency and an overwhelming urge to cry. But I know that first cascading tear will be followed by a tsunami of emotions I can’t explain to anyone just yet.
‘The venue’s all booked for next week,’ I say to Oscar as Immy spreads tomato sauce onto the pizza bases.
‘Like this, Sash?’ she says.
‘Like that, Immy, perfect.’ I look at her little face of concentration as she smears the sauce around in an almost perfect circle.
‘Great!’ Oscar says in the voice he uses when he isn’t really that interested in anything I have to say. Specifically if it has anything to do with Caitlin. He has grown less and less keen on Caitlin as the years have gone on. Apparently, he doesn’t like the way she seems to rule my life, and that I go running at the click of her fingers. And he is right, of course. I wish I could tell him that he will be free from all of this soon, that he will no longer be affected by my need to appease Caitlin.
I push the cheese Immy’s way and tell her to sprinkle it over the sauce, then she can choose her toppings.
‘Yes, it is great,’ I say to Oscar, picking up the conversation again. ‘I think it will really cheer her up – she needs to have a blowout. She’s been so bogged down with everything recently, especially since Josephine died last year. It was like she had lost her mother, you see – Ava never was much of one to her.’ I don’t know why I feel myself still trying to account for Caitlin’s behaviour. I’ve been doing it for so long, it’s built into me.
‘I know, Sasha, you’ve told me many times what a terrible person Ava is. You know my thoughts, I don’t know why you’ve kept so close to Caitlin all these years. Surely it was a childhood friendship that should have ended in childhood.’
I shake my head at Oscar, but he doesn’t realise how much I agree with him.
I bought a new dress for the pre-wedding dinner because the venue is a swanky wine bar with a huge private dining area below with its own bar, and with the extra money I have made from the Roxy job this month, I feel I deserve it. Caitlin has invited thirty guests but not everyone can make it at such late notice, so it’s only Chuck, three of her work colleagues, two old school friends and their partners, her parents, Ava and Maxwell, her twin brothers and their partners, her auntie and uncle and their adult-aged daughter, and Oscar and I who complete the list of attendees.
‘It was the best I could do at such short notice,’ I say to Caitlin her expression hardening into a stare as she watches everyone settling themselves.
I think I hear Caitlin mutter a thank-you, but I can’t be sure. Just hang on a few more days, just a few more days, I tell myself.
‘Jesus, it’s a bit dark in here,’ Oscar says to me too loudly as he walks past on his way back from the toilet. The lighting is low and intimate, but I like how it brings an edge to the whole
