I think about the photo in Caitlin’s office drawer and it hits me. The mystery sixty-seventh guest.
Caitlin puts her hands out and is laughing as Hackett lifts his hands and they do some sort of awkward high-five, ending in Caitlin clutching Hackett’s hands and holding them tightly. I look at Hackett and notice how his face is a little greyer around the edges but he is clean-shaven; I always remember there being a considerable amount of stubble when we were kids. There are a few more wrinkles around his eyes, which are emphasised because he is smiling. Something I rarely saw him do when he was working at Saxby. I had never seen or heard of him again after we left except for that one photo in Caitlin’s drawer, and I had occasionally wondered what had happened to him.
‘Caitlin?’ I ask her as she and Hackett hold on to each other’s hands, and I am reminded of the days where I felt so uncomfortable when Caitlin would act strangely around him.
‘Caitlin?’ I ask again. Caitlin swings around to look at me, her eyes the brightest I have seen them all morning, the smile it seems she has been saving for Hackett stretches across her face.
‘You remember Hackett?’ is all she offers.
‘Well, yes, yes.’ But then I remember my manners. ‘Hello, Hackett.’ I address him. ‘How are you?’
Hackett looks at me and nods his head. ‘Hello, hello,’ he says. I realise he may have physically aged, but he still has that childlike element about him. At the time, I didn’t understand what was wrong with him, I still don’t.
‘I presume you have told the coordinators about Hackett?’ I think back to Ava and her sixty-seventh guest.
‘Yes, yes, I added him at the beginning,’ Caitlin says.
‘Right. Then you need to get into the room now. Hackett, you need to be sat down.’ I find myself saying the last part slowly so he can understand better. But he just stands there, smiling.
‘Oh, no, Sasha, Hackett doesn’t need to sit down – he’ll be walking in with me. Hackett is giving me away!’ she says triumphantly, as though this were the best news I would hear all day.
‘Since when?’ I say, knowing I sound more alarmed than I should do. I wasn’t sure if it was the fact Caitlin had neglected to tell me, when she had shown very little interest in the wedding in the first place, that bothered me, or the unpredictability of Hackett being part of the wedding.
There is no bouquet of flowers for Caitlin to hold. And I had been worried she would feel exposed as she walked down the aisle because she had made it absolutely clear that her father would not be giving her away, but she had pushed away my concerns and doubts with a flick of the wrist. And now I know why. She knew she would always have Hackett’s arm to lean on. I tried to ignore the frustration bubbling up within me. This is so typically Caitlin.
‘But if you didn’t want to be alone, you could have had your dad? Why didn’t you ask your dad?’ I try not to sound hysterical even though I still allow Caitlin’s spontaneous behaviour to rile me up.
Caitlin just looks at me with her eyes wide and her head tilted downwards as though I had said the most ridiculous thing ever.
‘Okay, so why didn’t you choose Chuck’s dad?’ I say quietly through gritted teeth. Hackett pays no attention – he is still grinning inanely at Caitlin.
‘Tim? Why on earth would I choose him? He’s not family.’
‘And neither is Hackett,’ I say smartly. As much as Caitlin was so attached to Hackett as a child, I was always dubious of the relationship, and I couldn’t help but wonder why she spent so much of her time around him.
‘Oh, yes he is, dear Sasha. Hackett is very much family. He is my mother’s twin brother. Hackett is my uncle.’
26 Saxby House, Dorset, August 1990
I arrived back at the front of our family cottage. My heart was thumping in my mouth. I needed to get inside before my parents saw me. I probably looked a complete state with hair all messy and ruffled. No doubt my clothes would be covered in leaves and debris. It was hard to see in the dark, so I gave myself a quick brush down.
I stood in the shadows of the cottage and could see Ava was in the courtyard, and I could see Mum and Dad as well. Ava was carrying a torch and seemed agitated, the way she couldn’t quite stand still, whilst Mum and Dad were keeping her there, as they swooned about what a beautiful party it was and how grateful they were to her and Josephine for inviting her.
I tried to make a run for the front door, but Mum must have heard my feet crunch on the pebbles.
‘Sasha, there you are, we were looking for you. We’ve had enough, absolutely done in.’ Mum came forward and strained to see me in the dark.
Ava then turned and headed back in through the gates and towards the main house.
‘Oh bloody hell, what’s got into her? It’s supposed to be a party,’ Mum said as they made their way towards me. Dad
