Dodging the last of the grasping arms, Hejdanatt’s body leapt up and held fast to the enormous head. Then, using the children’s mouths and nostrils as finger- and toeholds, it continued to climb.
“Kerstin, thank you!”
“Just a little farther, Kerstin!”
“Kerstin!”
“Kerstin!”
As I clung to Hejdanatt’s back, we passed very near her face, as well as Nulla’s, Inte’s, Adju’s, and Nej’s, but as I leaned over to give each of them a kiss, we reached the top of the monster’s head.
Though the view from this height was dizzying, when I looked up, the branches of the evil trees still loomed high over us and the canopy of the forest was far above.
But what should I do now? How was I going to bring down the monster?
“Kerstin!”
This time it was a new voice, a familiar voice! I climbed off of Hejdanatt’s back and stood on top of the head. At my feet was Olle’s face! My dear brother!
“Olle!” I was about to cry out, but I held my tongue.
“Don’t cry, Kerstin! You mustn’t cry!”
But how can I not? I wanted to ask him.
Olle’s pain and suffering were written on his face. It was hard to believe that it was the same Olle, the boy who was always so quick to laugh, who always had a joke at the ready.
“Kerstin, you have to get inside the monster’s head now,” he said, though I had no idea what that could mean or how I would accomplish it. “Quickly, get inside the head and swallow the monster!”
Inside? Swallow the monster? If I got inside its head, wouldn’t that mean it was eating me rather than the other way around? I stood there crying and shaking my head in confusion until Olle spoke up again.
“Don’t worry, Kerstin,” he said. “When you get into his head, you’ll be able to swallow him up.”
It still made no sense. How was I going to eat this monster?
“Kerstin!”
I needed desperately to ask how to do what he was asking, but I knew just as well that I had to keep quiet. What a horrible fate for a girl like me to be unable to speak!
But at last I got control of myself, wiped away my tears, and mouthed my question to Olle’s face.
How?
“Like this!” he said, and then he opened his mouth as wide as he could. At almost the same instant, Hejdanatt’s body, which had been waiting behind me, jumped up and pressed my head down into Olle’s gaping mouth.
His face, lodged there at the very top of the monster’s head, ate me up and swallowed me down.
Round-and-Round Devil
I’m starved. 7-Eleven’s a long way off. La di da di da da da…
“Hey, old woman, got anything to eat?”
«Hungry? I’ll make you something.»
“Make me something?—I’m hungry now!”
«Patience, patience. Let’s see what we have.»
“Well, be quick about it! I’ll beat the shit out of you if you dawdle around, fucking old woman.”
«Patience, patience…»
“So where is it?”
«I’m afraid we’re out of rice.»
“Who gives a fuck what we’re out of! Where’s my grub?”
«I’m sorry, but you…»
“Don’t call me ‘you’! It’s ‘Mr. Hideo,’ bitch.”
«I’m sorry, Mr. Hideo.»
“Are you making fun of me?” I’ll post it on Voice of Heaven, bitch! “You’re a fucking housewife! It’s your job to make my dinner!”
Who needs people who can’t pull their weight? I’ll turn you into an animal—like the parents turned into pigs in Spirited Away. My mom, the fat pig.
And she clams up the minute I say anything—now that’s just fucked. Fucking annoying’s what she is! Can’t stand all her tiptoeing around. Die, you fat pig!
“Hey, you! Get your ass moving or I’ll kill you. All you do is stuff your face, then there’s nothing for me, nothing for Mr. Hideo to eat!”
«I’m so sorry.»
“Shit! So go out and get something! Curry—that’s what I want, nice and spicy. If you’re not back in ten seconds, I’ll take it out of your hide. I’ll beat the crap out of you, an extra socko for every second over ten.”
«No, please.»
“No whining! On your mark, get set, go!”
«Wait…»
“One, two…”
Get busy, you fucking pig! Or fuck off and die! Better yet, get me some curry and then fuck off and die!
“Five, six…”
Useless fucking pig!
“Nine, ten!”
One ass-kicking coming right up! La di da di DA!
Whoa! Ashtray landed right back o’ the bitch’s head! Ash and shit everywhere! Least it got her out the fuckin’ door. Bitch don’t even know she’s a woman anymore. Fuckin’ worst-case scenario! Regular fucking Cinderella. Something fucked about that: “My mom’s Cinderella.” Fucking crazy, that is.
And I’m still hungry as hell.
A true royal bitch pain. Must at least be some cup ramen round here somewhere.
Fuck me! Not one! Fucking unbelievable! Something weirdly fucked about a house doesn’t have even one fucking cup ramen. Fucking unbelievable.
Curry? Maybe I should’ve told her to get something else.
Cup noodles! Shit, now I want cup noodles! Still…curry…? Probably better for you anyway.
But shit I’m hungry!
Shit, I’m so fucking hungry I’d eat any fuckin’ thing at this point.
Ping!
Better check Voice of Heaven.
La di da di da di da di la di da di da di da. La di shit-for-brains di da di da di da.
Lots of new shit!
God’s Court now in session. Defendant: Round-and-Round Devil. Day Five.
God’s watching. The Round-and-Round Devil used to kill little kitties & puppies. Now he kills people. So the verdict is the death penalty.
God has spoken. Kill yourself now!
Clueless assholes.
The whole Chofu Armageddon was pointless.
No, it had a perfectly good point: it was a fucking lot of fun. Fucking lot of fun to watch from a safe distance while a bunch of assholes beat the shit out of each other.
Five middle school kids were killed in the Armageddon, but turns out they were all innocent—no Round-and-Round among them. Now God’s guilty instead. God should die too.
Don’t worry, he’s dying.
If there were a real
