With smaller steps than before I made my way back to the door. A hesitant hand reached out, twisting the knob the door opened, she didn't lock me out. After I closed the door quietly I scanned the room noticing that Rachel wasn't in sight. The house was still. Her binder was still on the couch.
What was that slap about? I know Rachel was not the biggest supporter of being touched, but she never seemed to mind the other times I would touch her or almost kissed her. Her eyes always seemed to be curious about us kissing. Yet, just now when our lips were finally against each other there was so much anger dwelling in those emerald eyes. I could still feel her small hand colliding with my face, it really stung. Rachel had more strength than I would have thought.
Hanging my head I trudged my way to my room to notice her door was shut. Turning instead I made my way to her room instead of mine. No sound was heard through the wood. Knocking on her door I wasn't sure what the response would be.
"Go away!" Rachel screamed.
My chest tightened. Without saying another word I went to my room closing the door behind me, leaving the house silent and me confused.
9
Rachel
Whenever I closed my eyes I could still see Nick and that girl Amanda making out. They didn't see me, but I sure as hell saw them. I had forgotten a book in the band room so I went back to go get it. Even when my eyes are opened I see them together like they are pointing and laughing at me. As if I was a joke to them. He might as well have pushed her against the locker and had her right then and there. Then that jerk he had the nerve to come home and to kiss me as if nothing happened. My first kiss was that! I wanted nothing more in life than to wring his neck! I was his second rate girl. No girl should ever feel second rate.
These last few days I couldn't even be around Nick without wanting to slaughter him. If he was in a room I would walk out of that room till he left and I made zero attempts to talk to him. Feeling my blood actually boiling when I knew he was around, I didn't have to see him, but I knew from the fire blistering in my veins that he was near. I could feel the rage in me and I didn’t think that this was an easy topic to just spit out, 'I saw you kiss another girl so now I want to destroy your very existence.' Yet, I knew I would not be able to keep that contained within me for much longer. That wrath wanted out.
I thought we were beginning to connect. I knew we hadn't 'fallen in love' with each other, but we were getting along better. I was able to relax around him without seeming like a runaway mental patient. We had a special moment out in the rain together for God's sake. So we don't share a room, but that didn't mean that he could go get it somewhere else. I would not want to know if he was still with her let alone what they were doing together. Actually I preferred knowing that instead, but I wish he hadn't kissed me to hide that fact. That kiss burned me. That was horrible and my lips still feel poisoned and smoldered, making me wish that I could just tear my lips off. I was disgusted feeling like being a spineless woman who just turns the other cheek so she didn't have to face the reality of her man seeing someone else. Nick and I did not choose to be married, but we were. When he gave me the ring he even said we didn't pick this, but we would try to make things be alright.
We barely talked since I slapped him, kept it to a minimum, but that might have been more on my effort than his. I think it shocked him so much that I actually slapped him. At times I'll start to feel sorry about that, then I remember him and his girlfriend and the pity flutters out of the window rather quickly. Plus it didn't help that I couldn't even be the same room as him without wishing harm to him.
Yet, I was also confused because of him. That might be one of the reasons I wanted to see him suffer so much, I loathed with every fiber of my being the mind mush that was my brain right now. He made my world so confusing. Why did he get to me so much? I never had such a whirlwind of bewilderment before, especially caused by a boy. Why did Nick kissing Amanda bother me so much? I just wanted to be home with my family and get away from all of this. There was a sense of peace that I was missing with my family.
In band we were preparing for the Thanksgiving game. It was basically a second homecoming as college students returned home to
