"Guys, we should take the marriage thing into our own hands. We should find a way to get rid of them on our own. Why have we even been wasting our time letting someone else taking charge when we could get rid of the marriages ourselves? The state might have done this to us, but if we join together we might actually be able to make things right again."
18
Nick
Where was Rachel? Was she safe? If she wasn't here with me then Rachel was safe. I need her here with me though no matter how selfish it was. How could I find out if she was safe without chasing her away?
I was sitting on the couch bending over with my face in my hands which had my elbows resting on my knees. I finally sat up and ran my fingers in my hair. I dragged my feet over to the phone and dialed the star with the numbers of Dill's house. God I wished our cell phones worked here like they did in the very beginning. It rang and Dill picked up.
"Dill, it's Nick."
"Hey, Nick, you sound horrible. I told you that you were getting too close with Worm. Now look at the mess you're in because of that girl."
I sighed and rolled my eyes. "Not that this isn't helping, Dill, but can you put Bridget on?"
"Why do you want to talk to her?"
"Just put her on now." I waited a little bit and I heard Bridget's voice.
"What do you want Nick?" She sounded bitter. Rachel was protective over all of her friends, making sure that they wouldn't get hurt or just watching out for them. It sounded like they did the same for her.
"I know she must have told you the story-"
"She sure as hell did. What the hell is your freaking problem? Was that part of your master plan? Get a nice quiet girl to like you then once she trusts you, attack her."
"I didn't have a master plan. I just got upset and got drunk. I wouldn't want to hurt her and I stopped myself just a little late. I love Rachel and I couldn't hurt her otherwise. I even told her I loved her right before Mark's party. Rachel refused to tell me her feelings. She's probably having fun without me anyway," I felt the words come out of me like a plea and I paused. "I just need to know if she's safe." I leaned against the wall so that my head was tilted up. Closing my eyes I waited for her to respond.
"Anywhere away from you is safe."
"I know I deserve that," I knew my voice sounded defeated.
"It isn't fun to hurt you when you go with it."
I just sighed. My heart wasn't into anything anymore.
"Look, Nick, she's at a friend's house safe and sound. Rachel would kill me if I told you that she is beyond miserable and I can't believe I'm telling you that," Bridget's voice was softer.
"I've never wanted to make her miserable," I said quietly.
I could hear Bridget's tone get to the normal softness now.
"If you promise to leave her alone, I'll tell you where she is."
"I don't need to know where she is, I just need to know if Rachel is safe."
"She is very safe. She's at Holly and Micah's house."
"You didn't have to tell me that."
"I know, but you two are so distraught right now. It's heart wrenching to see Rachel like this. She's just so much of a protector over us and does everything in her power for everyone else and I'm so close with her, I can't see my friend hurt like this…"
"Thank you, Bridget and I understand, but you're great."
"Yeah, yeah that's what they all say. Bye, Nick."
She hung up and so did I. Rachel was safe and that was all that mattered to me. I looked around the house that seemed lifeless and horrible without Rachel. I cleaned up the beer cans from the other night so if Rachel ever did come back she wouldn't be reminded of that night.
The next week and Rachel still hadn't returned home. I never saw her glancing over at me in school at all; in fact she appeared happier, so much for being miserable. I saw her smile a few times with her friends. She could walk by me and act like I was never there, that I never even existed. That was what pained me the most. I couldn't figure out how such a small act could hurt so much. When people talked about falling in love they never mentioned this.
That night after dinner which I barely touched I grabbed my coat and went for a stroll. Before realizing it I had walked to the other side of the gated area. There I thought I saw Rachel in the window of a house. At first I considered that I was seeing things. She was smiling before starting to laugh. I saw Micah and Holly laughing with her. The three of them didn't see me so I kept watching my Rachel, realizing I wasn't just imagining things. I tried to remember what her laughter sounded like, and it came clear as a bell to my ears.
I took a deep breath and left my Rachel there where she was happy even though it killed me that she wasn't with me. I trudged back home and took a shower and changed into pajamas bottom and a t-shirt to sleep in. Except instead of going to sleep I just sat on the couch to watch TV. When I did fall asleep for a little bit I dreamt that Rachel had returned to me and we curled up together on the couch again. Rachel snuggled against me with a smile on those pink lips. Of course it was just my mind playing jokes on me.
I didn't go to school for two days or move from my spot really. I
