Why didn't I see the signs if they were there? Where there really signs that Nick was going to use me in the end? No it wasn't possible; wasn't Nick good? He would always know when I needed my hand held or a hug. Nick told me he loved me. He did attack me though…
"He was so nice to me though until yesterday when I told him that I went along with Mark at first. Nick seemed so perfect and everything, but then yesterday happened. Now I don't know anything anymore…" My head dropped and my hands went to my wing necklace.
"Rachel, it's okay, you can stay here and if Nick asks we won't tell him you're here," said Holly gently, with her big brown eyes looking at me and her reddish short hair sweetly framing her face.
"Yeah you can stay, Rachel," Micah answered this time, his voice softer.
"Thank you guys, I really mean it."
I spent the day there and that night I couldn't fall asleep. I sat up, curled up on the corner of the couch and buried my face into my knees. I felt like something was missing and the depression of that feeling seeped through the rest of me. There was a big pain in my chest as the reality of the safety I had felt a few days ago had been ripped out of my hands. First I was taken from my parents and now Nick had shattered that reality.
I had a lot of fun hanging around with Holly and Micah and the time made it seem like the pain in my chest might be easing, but I knew it was there. Yet, I did miss Nick a lot. I knew he felt sorry for what he did because of the look on his face that morning I left, but I had to do what I did, didn't I? He rolled off me last night before any clothes were taken off, but that didn't erase what he had started.
I kept seeing memories of Nick and me as I closed my eyes. That time we danced in the snow with him being my warmth. How Nick had made me feel safer than I have ever really felt before. He was my protection through this whole marriage thing. The time we kissed at Thanksgiving and how nice that was, I'm guessing nice was one of the biggest understatements of the year. I fell asleep with the recollections of Nick and me playing in my head the whole night and sadly enough this brought some comfort to me.
The next day Micah and Holly seemed to try to make it feel homey here for me, but I just felt miserable. I felt like all I really wanted to do was to go crawl in a hole and sleep for the next twenty years. I felt so depressed at times but I just tried to cover it so Holly and Micah wouldn't see. Micah kept saying all these horrible things about Nick, but that stabbed like daggers in my heart with each passing word. I wasn't ready for that.
We went back to school and the whole day I felt like Nick was trying to get my attention, but I wouldn't give in, I couldn't give in. He waited by our lockers and I would just turn in the other direction. He would try to pass me a note in class, but I wouldn't read it. If our phones hadn't stopped working in school I'm sure he would have sent messages. After a while, I could tell he was going to leave me alone because he knew he was chasing me away. Nick was getting to know me a little too well. It was almost scary how well he knew me…yet, that was also kind of nice…
Everyone else in school talked about how they missed out on gifts from their parents. Some mentioned how their parents still haven't written them back despite the fact that they’d written eight letters. Several people talked about how they’d tried calling their families on their cell phones but the calls never went through, that no matter what they couldn't get a signal. Yet my mind was preoccupied.
At the end of the day, Bridget and Willow walked with me to Holly's. As we were leaving I heard Nick yelling at Dill.
"What the hell do you mean she isn't at your house? You were supposed to protect her."
"Dude, Worm was there when you called me and she left."
The three of us picked up our pace.
"Protect her from what anyway?" Dill's voice echoed through the halls.
"That's not important to explain right now. Do you know where she's staying at now?" Nick screamed as if this was the most important information and his life depended on it.
"No," Dill shouted louder
Bridget and Willow stayed with Holly and me when we were doing our homework. They kept trying to make me laugh, but I wasn't into faking it anymore. Seeing Nick in school didn't help at all. Bridget and Willow left so it was just Holly and I when Micah came home from making up a quiz he missed before the break. They somehow were getting along better now than in the beginning of this marriage, almost like Nick and I. Actually they were getting along better than they had since seventh grade, which was actually pretty amazing.
"Why are you so upset about missing Nick? If you miss him so much then just go the hell back to him so he could do that again. Just stop wasting our time if you want to go back to that jerk. Just go back to him so you could get hurt again and again for the rest of your life." Micah stood in front of me pointing at the door, with his face reddening and his voice held strong.
"Micah how can you say that?" Holly yelped in disbelief.
I stared at
