"You won't even look at me! You freak out when I touch you, even worse than when we were first put together. It's like you want his damn touch like it should be the only contact ever on you." I felt the irritation build up as my muscles tensed while my heart was aching, my voice had a bit of a whine in it.
"Nick, it isn't that." Her eyes were stuck on mine.
"I can see it in your eyes. That's exactly it."
"You're drunk though."
I planted my lips on hers while she kept trying to escape. I tightened my grasp and felt her whimper in pain. I picked Rachel up in the same bridal style that I had once done in a caring manner to bring her to my room for her safety, but this time she was trying to get free from me. Rachel started to scratch me down my arms and a little on my face. I dropped her forcefully on my bed which caused her body to jump up a little and I had Rachel's hands pinned down so she couldn't get out or away from me.
"Nick, please just let me go. This isn't you," Rachel begged.
I just held both of her hands with one of mine while the other slid along the curve of Rachel's side, her wet shirt following my hand. I looked into those green eyes and my stomach twisted. What was I doing? This was Rachel. This wasn't me. She was right. I didn't want things with her to be like this. I loved her and wanted to protect her, not to hurt her. Letting go of her wrists I got off of her, but before I could completely move myself, Rachel slapped me hard across the face. My back was to the door, but I could hear her door slam behind her. I deserved a lot worse than a slap from her. I betrayed her trust. What was I thinking? Rachel screamed last night, that's how I found her. Rachel did not want Mark touching her.
I screwed up…
My throat was dry and my head felt heavy from the alcohol, in addition to the fact that I didn't sleep. I was afraid to leave my room and face the fact that last night was real instead of a nightmare. I slept on the floor because I kept picturing Rachel upset in my bed. Finally I got up and tiptoed out of my room to face the reality that I brought onto myself. I would do anything in the world to get her to forgive me.
Rachel was walking out of her room at the same time as I was. She had her backpack on, and she was wearing a grey sweater that went down to her mid-thigh with jeans. Her eyes were not on me.
"Good morning, Rachel."
"Don't you dare act like nothing happened last night," Rachel bit back at me.
I winced and my gaze dropped to the floor. I think I was going to be sick. She walked past me, almost touching the other wall to avoid being near me to get to the door. She grabbed her coat off the chair, placing her backpack down for a moment to put her coat on.
"Rachel, I'm so sorry, please forgive me?"
The world around me felt like it was falling apart. I took a step closer to her.
"Just don't Nick."
She left and closed the door behind her, leaving me there before I could even do anything. She didn't even give me a chance to beg forgiveness. I looked around the room and saw the beer cans. I grabbed one of the cans firmly in my hands glaring at it as my hand shook. Crushing it in my hands I hurled it at the wall; I was pissed off at myself. I had become the monster that I had been trying to protect Rachel against. I had just become everything that no guy wanted to be or wanted near the ones he loved.
I had just lost the trust that took two months to work on because I was jealous and didn’t listen to Rachel. I could kill myself right there and then for my stupidity and irrational behavior. Yet, I knew I couldn't. I wouldn't stoop to that level. I had to be strong. I had to make the world seem right again, if I hadn't destroyed my chance. Most importantly I had to prove to Rachel that I wouldn't turn into that monster again, but I also had to prove this to myself first.
17
Rachel
I made my way through the cold to Bridget's house. I had to get out of mine and Nick's house because of last night. I didn't feel safe there anymore. More importantly I didn't feel safe with Nick any longer. There were no words for how much I wanted to be home with my family. At my parent's house, I wouldn't have even gone out to that party. I wouldn't have upset Nick or hurt him. I wanted to be home with my family, I missed them so much.
Finally reaching Bridget's door I knocked. I was praying she would let me sleep on the couch or on the floor. If I was home everything would be calm and my mom would be making pancakes, I wouldn’t be outside looking for a place to hide. I knocked again and this time Bridget answered the door in her pajamas. If looks could kill, she would have killed me on the spot for waking her up during a break this early in the morning.
"Rachel what are you doing here? What are you doing here at seven in the morning; you're the farthest thing from a morning person?"
I thought I was going to burst into tears right on the spot, but no I didn't. Bridget brought me
