As Mom, Dad, Zach, and Claire continued on with the conversation, Maddie remained mostly quiet. If someone asked her a question, she would answer, but otherwise she didn’t speak. Maybe it was a self-defense mechanism for post-traumatic stress. Adam didn’t know. He wasn’t a damn shrink, but he could tell something wasn’t quite right.
After a few hours, everybody left to go get a bite to eat, except for Maddie. Adam was glad she had stayed behind so they could have a private conversation. He wanted to ask her if she could recall anything about the rescue.
She sat in the chair next to the bed and held his hand. She still had that strained look on her face. It was almost the same look of anguish or sadness that she had on the mountain when she had thought they were going to die.
Maddie leaned forward and stroked Adam’s hair with her other hand. He wondered why she looked so sad. They had made it to safety. This was a time for happiness and celebration, yet there was that look.
“That feels good,” he said.
Her smile didn’t quite reach her eyes. As she held his hand and stroked his hair, she looked into his eyes and lowered her voice just above a whisper. “I am so thankful you made it. I thought you were going to die. I had to see for myself that you are okay.”
“Well we made it, Maddie,” he said, trying to sound cheerful. “Everything’s going to be okay.”
Why did he feel like he was trying to convince himself of this more than he was trying to convince her? He felt a nervous feeling in the pit of his stomach. He didn’t like the way she was looking at him.
And then she confirmed his apprehension when she said, “Everything is not okay, Adam.”
Tears ran down her cheeks again.
What the hell was going on? What was she talking about? His eyes narrowed and his brow creased. She looked so damn sad.
“You’re not going to understand this, and there’s no way I can ever explain it, but it was my fault that we almost died on the mountain.”
Adam’s eyes grew wide, incredulous. Had she lost her freakin’ mind?
“What are you talking about?” he said quietly. “It couldn’t have been your fault. Don’t blame yourself. We made the decisions together. The storm and the avalanche were just occurrences of nature. How could any of that be your fault?”
She sighed and looked at her hand in his, then back to his eyes.
“Like I said, I can’t explain it to you. I just know it was because of me that you almost died. And I couldn’t have lived with myself if that had happened. I can’t continue putting you in danger.”
Was she serious? Adam felt like he was waiting for the punch line. Surely, she must be joking. But this was no joking matter. Maybe she was having a mental breakdown from the traumatic events. Maybe the cold had messed with her head. Or maybe she had hit her head.
“Maddie, you’re not making any sense,” he said. “You’re not putting me in danger. You bring joy and happiness into my life, but not danger.”
She stared straight ahead and said, “I know that what I’m telling you doesn’t make sense now—and it probably never will—but it’s for your own good. I want you to always remember that it’s not your fault. I always want you to remember that I meant what I said on the mountain. I do love you with all my heart. And for that very reason, I have to leave you. After today, you won’t see me again.”
Adam’s eyes widened as his heart froze. Was she breaking up with him? What the hell was she talking about?!
He couldn’t comprehend what she was saying. He heard the words, but they weren’t making any sense. His eyes searched hers questioningly.
She leaned over and kissed him so tenderly that he ached for more. He reached to pull her closer to him, but she pulled back suddenly and backed across the room. Tears poured down her face.
She strained to get the words out as she began to sob. “I hope that someday you can forgive me, Adam. I am so sorry!”
She turned and ran out of the room. Adam wanted to run after her. Damned cast and all these tubes. He was trapped in the hospital bed.
He called out at the top of his voice, “Wait, Maddie! Come back! What are you doing? It wasn’t your fault! Damn it, Maddie!”
But she didn’t come back. He frantically scanned the room and tried to figure out how to get unhooked from all of the tubes. He spotted his cell phone on the side table next to the bed. Someone must have left it for him. In a desperate attempt, he grabbed it and called her. She didn’t answer. He slammed the phone down and raked both hands through his hair. He felt an indescribable pain in his chest and wanted to scream, but he couldn’t breathe. He thrashed around and tried to get out of the bed and pull the tubes out of his arm. The nurses ran into the room and restrained him. They put something in his IV that they said would ‘calm you down.’ Very soon afterward, he drifted off to sleep.
Chapter 16
When Adam awoke again, he tried to convince himself that it had all been a terrible nightmare and that Maddie had just gone to get something to eat.
She will be back soon, he told himself.
Visitors came and went. Nurses checked his vital signs every two hours. Doctors did rounds. Meals were delivered and left uneaten. No sign of Maddie. He didn’t tell anyone about his final encounter with Maddie because he still held out hope she would change her mind the way she had after freaking out on their first date.
That night he tried to stay up all night, hoping she would change her mind and call, text, or
