I suppose because I lost three much wanted children I could never understand your desire not to have any. If my lack of understanding has hurt you in any way, my dear daughter, I ask your forgiveness.
Do whatever makes you happy in life and enjoy it to the full (but try and give up the cigarettes). I’m glad that Cormac makes you happy.
Know that, despite the fact that we sometimes had sharp words (we are more alike than you might think), I love you, and am grateful for all you did for me.
Love
Mam XXX
‘Ah Mam! If only we’d had this conversation before you died, how different it might have been,’ Sue murmured, holding the letter to her heart. She’d never known about her mother’s miscarriages, or the grief they had caused Margaret. No wonder Niall had been the apple of her eye when he’d been born. No wonder Margaret felt that children were a blessing, having lost her own much longed for babies.
She slid her mother’s wedding ring onto the fourth finger of her right hand and saw how snugly it fitted. She rubbed it gently with her thumb. ‘Always with me now, Mam, always with me,’ she said, folding the letter carefully and putting it back in the envelope with the other items of jewellery Margaret had left her. She would go to the grave with forget-me-nots, her mother’s favourite flower, when all the fuss was over, Sue decided. And there she would try and reconcile the past and make her peace with her mother.
‘She went the way she wanted, Niall. She didn’t end up in a nursing home or hospital; she went gently in her own home. Take comfort from that,’ Hilary said consolingly as she and her husband sat drinking mugs of tea in the quiet of their kitchen that evening.
‘I know. And I’m grateful, and Hilary . . .’ He reached across the table and took her hand. ‘I can’t thank you enough for your goodness to Mam. I’m really sorry I took advantage of you and your good nature and didn’t pull my weight – either with her or in the house.’ He choked up, tears glistening in his eyes.
‘Well there were times when it was difficult and I was fraught, I won’t deny it, Niall, but I loved Margaret like my own mother. We were lucky, she and I, that we got on very well. In-law relationships can be hell sometimes,’ Hilary said quietly.
‘I know that. And I know that I expected far too much of you regarding Mam . . . and everything else.’ He cleared his throat. ‘Look, I’m sorry that I was an idiot and I know I often made you feel that my job was more important than yours.’ He shook his head. ‘Mam used to give out to me about it. But I didn’t want to hear,’ he admitted, shamefaced. ‘I’m sorry, Hilary. Can we start over and stop rowing, and be like we used to be?’
‘Oh Niall, I’d love that,’ Hilary said vehemently. ‘I hate all this sniping that goes on between us. I hate resenting you and feeling that you aren’t supporting me—’
‘I’m sorry, Hil. I never meant you to feel like that.’
‘Well you did, Niall. And I turned into a nag and I hated that, and you wouldn’t speak to Sue about Margaret, and I was really stressed sometimes.’ She didn’t hold back.
‘I just missed the way things used to be before you set up the company with Jonathan. I missed having you around. Selfish, I guess,’ he said sheepishly.
‘Yeah, I won’t argue with that. But now you’ve admitted it, and you’re turning over a new leaf, we’ll put it behind us and you can wait on me hand and foot,’ Hilary joked, reminding herself that Niall had buried his mother only hours ago and that it wasn’t really the time to have a go at him.
‘I’ll bring you tea in bed in the morning,’ he smiled at her. ‘And I just want you to know that I think you’ve done a fantastic job of the company. You should be really proud.’
‘Thanks, I am, actually, and I’ve enjoyed it very much.’ She smiled back at him. ‘But the truth is, I know many women working outside the home are pulled from every angle, and depleted most of the time. I know I got roped in to doing more projects, but look, we’ve bought the apartment on the seafront for the girls—’
‘And spent a fortune on it. Imagine, it cost five times as much as this house did when we bought it,’ he interjected, grimacing.
‘I know but at least they have a place because they’ll never be able to afford to get on the property ladder with the prices here.’ Hilary sighed. ‘So now that we have it rented to pay the mortgage, I really am going to cut back at work.’
‘You don’t have to. I’ll muck in a lot more,’ Niall said earnestly. ‘Honestly.’
‘I want to. Life’s too short to be killing myself trying to juggle all the balls in the air. I want to enjoy my life, my family . . . my marriage.’ She squeezed his hand, so relieved that they were finally discussing their problems.
‘I love you,’ Niall said. ‘Very much,’ he added, entwining his fingers with hers.
‘I love you, too,’ she echoed.
At the kitchen table, in the soft opaque light of the setting sun, they smiled at each other over their mugs of tea, comforted by their rapprochement.
P
ART
T
HREE
2008
BUST
C
HAPTER
T
HIRTY
-T
WO
September 2008
He should have sold those bloody shares when the Koreans had shown interest in buying the bank.
