‘Nice one, mate!’ Jonathan approved. ‘I’d always planned to confront Higgins. I used to imagine all the things I’d say to him. I used to imagine how terrified he’d be of going to prison but I could never bring myself to do it. I kept putting it off and now he’s gone and kicked the bucket, the dirty louser.’
‘Forget about him, he has to meet his maker. And after what he’s done, rather him than you or me,’ Russell advised, patting him on the back affectionately.
You have to meet your maker! The words went round and round in Jonathan’s head as he stood outside in the rain holding an umbrella over his mother while they watched Gus Higgins’s coffin being wheeled from the hearse to the door of the church to be welcomed by the priest.
He thought he would feel more emotion but mostly what he felt was numbness throughout the short service. It surprised him, especially after the grief and rage he had felt in the previous twenty-four hours since hearing the news of his neighbour’s demise. Perhaps it had been good to go through those emotions then instead of having them surging through him in public and having to try and stay composed, he mused as the soloist sang ‘Nearer My God To Thee’. At the end of the service a sudden unexpected emotion churned his gut and he felt queasy again. He knew he was going to have to walk past the coffin of his hated abuser. He had a fierce longing to give the coffin a good kick. That would cause a fair bit of scandal around the place, he reflected with dark humour, imagining what the neighbours would say if he gave in to his urges.
He followed his mother and sisters up the aisle to pay his respects to Rita and her daughters and never glanced at the coffin, keeping his eyes firmly focused on the arrangement of roses and lilac on the altar. He even managed a sympathetic smile when Rita thanked him for coming. Jonathan had often wondered if Gus’s wife had any idea what her husband got up to in her absence, but she had always been open and friendly with Jonathan whenever she saw him and he didn’t think she could have been that good an actress. She seemed genuinely grieved at the loss of her husband, which vaguely astonished him as Gus was a loud, lazy, dictatorial couch potato and he couldn’t for the life of him see why anyone would miss him and grieve for him.
He felt a huge sense of relief when he finished shaking the bereaved family’s hands and reached the end of the pew. He followed Nancy down the aisle towards the door of the church, and freedom.
‘We’re going to head back to Dublin now, Mam,’ Jonathan said when they emerged out into the daylight. The rain had stopped and the evening sun was flirting with the clouds.
‘Ah could you not come back for a quick cuppa with the girls?’ Nancy urged.
‘I could get a cup of tea,’ Kenny said easily. ‘A quick one, Jonathan, for the road.’
‘Sounds good to me,’ Russell agreed.
‘Right, I’ll go with Rachel and I’ll have the kettle boiled in no time and I have a fresh cream sponge to go with it,’ Nancy said happily, tucking her hand into her eldest daughter’s arm.
‘Home-made cream sponge, I’m in heaven.’ Russell rubbed his hands together and Jonathan began to relax now that the stress of the dreaded ordeal was over. He was glad he’d gone to the removal, he thought as he sat in the kitchen drinking tea with his family and friends. The girls were laughing at Russell’s camp humour and he didn’t feel he had to make an effort to make conversation.
He had triumphed over his fears and apprehensions and faced up to his past and it hadn’t been as hard as he’d thought it would be, thanks to the support of his companions. And he hadn’t let his mother down. That gave him great satisfaction. Nancy was the best mother anyone could wish for. She had made his friends so welcome and had served up a feast at no notice at all. He was fiercely glad she had no knowledge of what had happened to him, he thought gratefully, watching her chuckling at Rachel’s good-natured teasing. He had chosen never to tell her. For him it was a good choice, he knew. Hannah was right: knowing you had choices in the decisions you made was very empowering.
‘You’re a great lad, Jonathan, thanks for coming and it was lovely to meet Kenny again and Russell is a grand chap.’ Nancy hugged him tightly when they made their move to go. ‘Don’t be strangers now, you and Russell,’ she said to Kenny, following them to the garden gate. ‘And if you could find a nice fella for Jonathan, so that he could be as happy as you and Russell are, I’d go to my grave contented,’ she added matter-of-factly to Kenny.
‘Leave it to us, Mrs Harpur,’ Russell assured her while Jonathan stared at his mother, gobsmacked.
‘Go and find yourself someone like Russell or Kenny here, Jonathan. We all need love in our lives,’ his mother advised, leaning on the gate. ‘Safe journey now.’ Nancy waved at them as Kenny started the engine. She blew them a kiss and Jonathan rolled down the window and waved back at her until they turned left at the top of the road and she was out of sight.
‘And there was me afraid to let you introduce me as your partner, Kenny,’ Russell chuckled.
‘Pick your jaw off the ground, Jonathan. Mothers always know and always want you to know that they know! She wants you
