He was tempted to smile at her, but he didn’t give in. “It doesn’t matter what we feel.”
“Why not?”
He gave her a hard look that usually silenced his men but didn’t seem to affect her in the least. “We have been fighting this war for many years now. Our side has almost proven victorious. Am I to forget…” He thought of his family. “…everything, toss it all aside for a Lancaster woman?”
“No one is asking you to forget,” she said gently, making him miss being with her every day. “And is that all I am to you? A Lancaster woman?”
He wanted to go to her and tell her how much she meant to him, to sweep her up off her feet and kiss her senseless.
“Nicholas, I may not even be related to the Lancasters of today, there are so many descendants removed.”
“But you are a Lancaster. I grew up hating Lancasters. It has been the one constant in my life. But ’tis more than that. You did not trust me enough to tell me.”
“What would have changed if what you said before that is true? You hate for the sake of hating. Perhaps you are not the right man for me.” She headed for the door, but he blocked her path.
“Get out of my way, Nicholas.”
He didn’t move for a moment. “Do not go.”
“I must. It’s for the best.”
He did as she asked. What was there left to say?
He closed his eyes when she left the solar and slammed the door shut behind her.
He wouldn’t go after her.
So, that was it then? There was nothing more between them. He covered his face with his hands.
No. No. His heart refused to give her up, but his head forbade his legs to move. “Kestrel,” he lamented. He didn’t want to be without her. She made him smile again.
She came here from the future. She could go back at any time.
She was a Lancaster.
Was she here to make sure Richard died on the battlefield? Did Richard kill the princes or have them killed?
It was the same question he’d been asking himself for almost two years now.
There came a knock at the door.
Still standing in his place, he called out, “Come,” hoping, praying that it was Kestrel.
Elia entered the solar and stared at him soaking wet and miserable. Her golden-hued gaze took him in and then she shook her head. “What is going on in that head of yours, Nicky? You care for her. I know you do. Will you let her go because of her name?”
“How can I not? I will not betray the House of York.”
“Nicholas,” she said sternly. “The House of York is about to end. You know as well as I that Richard should not be king. There are no more descendants. York is over. Henry has promised to marry Elizabeth and combine the Houses. The white and red rose together. Step aside and let him do it.”
“If Richard hears you speaking like this, he could have you hanged for treason.”
She looked up at him. Hers was a face he knew and loved since he was a child. The only person he could trust—until Kestrel came along.
“Are you going to tell him?” she asked him.
“Never. Just do not trust anyone else. Not even Elizabeth. She spends much time with Richard.”
“I know, Nicky.”
“Mayhap Kestrel.”
“You are falling in love with her, that is why you are so angry.”
He didn’t deny it but turned away, not willing to let anyone see the pain in his eyes. He’d wanted something with her. He’d wanted to be her family and give her everything she needed. Scarborough Castle was his. He wanted to share it with her.
He closed his eyes and inhaled deeply.
“Out of all the women in the two different centuries, Elia. Two! The woman sent to me is a Lancaster!”
“Maybe it means something, Nicky,” she said, going to him and putting her hand on his arm. “Maybe the good Lord does not want all this hatred in your heart. The Yorks and the Lancasters are going to join in the new king and queen. Let them be joined in your household as well.”
Could he? Everything he’d fought for her? He could.
“Do not think too long, Nicky,” Elia warned. “Kes has been through much in the last pair of weeks. Do not add to her woes. And dry off,” she added before turning to leave the room.
He decided to take her advice and changed into dry clothes. He also didn’t want to add to Kestrel’s troubles. Mayhap he should try to speak with her again. Letting her leave couldn’t be the right thing to do.
But when he looked for her, he found her gone. No one in the castle had seen her or knew where she’d gone. Nicholas controlled the panic rising up in him, but he knew his control wouldn’t last long. It was foolish of her to leave the castle, especially on a stormy night. Where would she go?
He found the horse she’d ridden was gone from the stable. She wasn’t the best rider and she didn’t know which way to go, save to Old Walter’s.
He saddled his horse and took off toward Walter’s. It was the only place she knew. She had to have gone there. He didn’t know what he would say to her, he didn’t know what he would do about her being a Lancaster, but he wanted her to come back.
By the time he reached the old merchant’s house, he was drenched again, for the rain continued to fall.
The place appeared deserted, but Nicholas knew better. Besides, he saw her horse in the stable.
Kestrel was here. Finding her was the easy part he found out soon enough. Seeing her was another matter entirely. She refused.
“Tell her I’m not leaving until she sees me,” Nicholas told Walter, then watched him shuffle off into the corridor, leaving Nicholas at the door.
He returned a few minutes later shaking
