His gaze on her softened just a bit. “I did not mean to treat you like Reg. Forgive me.”
She nodded and asked God for strength to be strong. He was leaving, garbed for war. This was who he was.
“What are the other reasons?” she asked him. “You said there were many reasons to stay away. Tell them to me.
“They don’t matter, Kes—”
She turned away. She couldn’t get an answer from him. He couldn’t make up his mind if he cared or not and she promised herself she wouldn’t stick around if he tried to string her along.
His fingers closing around her wrist stopped her from leaving. He pulled her into his arms, against his metal chest and bent to hover his mouth over hers.
“They do not matter because only this does. I’m falling in love with you, Kestrel. I feel my heart giving in to it more and more each day, every time I look at you. I cannot stop it and it terrifies me to think of you disappearing as easily as you appeared and taking my heart with you.”
What? He was terrified of losing her. “What about my name?”
“I will change it,” he whispered and covered her mouth with his.
She should fight him and not let him think he could be a jerk and then kiss it all away. But who was she kidding? She wanted to be ravished by Nicholas and only Nicholas. She opened her mouth to his plunging tongue and coiled her arms around his neck. She wanted him to hate leaving her, to refuse to fight for Richard.
“I do not want to leave you,” he said against her.
She smiled. “Was it the dress or the kiss?”
“’Twas the heart. Mine,” he confessed. “And ’twas the kiss also,” he added and let his silvery gaze rake over her body. “And the dress. I don’t give a damn what your name is, Kestrel. I will not lose you over it.
“Don’t go back yet, Nicholas. Don’t leave.”
He held her by the upper arms and gazed into her eyes.
“I still have two days. I will figure something out.”
He kissed her again. It was a kiss of complete possession and mastery. This is how she longed to be kissed, as if his life depended on breathing her, tasting her, holding her. She held on to his shoulders in his armor, so wide and strong. He said he would change her name. Was that a proposal? Was he willing to wed her so she’d no longer be a Lancaster? Would she wed him for such a reason?
“Come back to the castle,” he urged with a gentle bite to her lobe.
“No. I think I should stay here. I don’t want you to leave for battle. We have much thinking to do. I’m falling in love with you, too.”
He dipped his brows over his eyes as if he doubted the good of his ears. Then his eyes brightened, and he smiled. “I was hoping you were. Part of me was,” he added, almost as an afterthought.
“Which part?” she asked while he covered her in his metal embrace.
“That part that rejoices in you. The part that wants to think nothing but death could take you from me—and I will not let that happen. But what do I do against some spell that decides to hurl you into the next century? Or if you find the brooch and want to go back. I should stop us both from falling in love. ’Twill only lead to heartache.”
She stared up at him, trying to ignore the burning in her eyes. “If you believe that then we’re already doomed.”
“Mayhap we are,” he said, leaning his temple on top of her head. “Mayhap we should cherish every moment we have together.”
She nodded and smiled and let him wipe a tear from her cheek. “I think that’s a good way to live our lives together, Nicholas. We will deal with whatever happens when the time comes. Until then, if there even is a then, we will cherish our moments. Even when I want to strangle you.”
“Me?” He took a step back, breaking their hold. “You are just as stubborn as me. Mayhap even more so. Let me prove it. Come back to the castle with me.”
“No, I think—”
“You see?” He smiled, watching her when she laughed. “At least let me take you somewhere today.”
Her smile brightened. “Where shall we go?”
“Where do you want to go? In our century, of course.”
Their century. Not his and not hers.
“Swimming!” she told him. “I want to go swimming with you again.”
“Very well. Let us change clothes and meet here.”
“You won’t change your mind?” she asked playfully, but with a serious edge. He’d taken days to realize he didn’t care about her name. What if he—
“I will not change my mind about loving you, for you have taken hold of my heart in a way that no one else ever has. What choice is there when love strikes?”
Her smile on him warmed. Her gaze did the same. “You’re a romantic.”
He looked ill, but then it passed. “I’ll return shortly.
When he was gone, she looked down at her dress and sighed. She’d given in to him. She loved him. Did she love him enough to refuse to step through the veil in time if she had the chance to go back? He’d been ready to leave her, to go back into battle. But had he truly wanted to return, or had he been running from his emotions for her? She believed it was more the latter. She didn’t blame him for being afraid of it. She was, too. But more than fear, she wanted more with him. She wanted all of him. Would she give up home and marry him? She could never go back if she were his wife. She thought about it all while she changed into her white kirtle and teal overcoat, gifts
