“It’s completely normal to be sick in the first trimester,” the doctor said as she held out a tissue to her. Lilly took it and wiped her mouth, then tossed it into the bin.
“How long will it last?” Lilly asked, taking her seat back on the exam table.
“For some, it’s just the first three months.” The doctor shrugged. “For others it can last the whole pregnancy.”
“I want option number one,” Lilly groaned as she laid back.
The doctor chuckled, as if Lilly had said something funny. She was not joking.
“I wish it worked that way. But I can give you something for the nausea.”
Lilly’s eyes opened. “Is it dangerous? Could it hurt my child?”
The doctor frowned. “No. Why would I give you something that could hurt your child?”
Lilly couldn’t answer with the truth. Because I feel something terrible is about to happen to someone, but I can’t figure out if it’s to you or the child growing inside of me. She was pretty sure the doctor would give her more than just nausea meds if she said that. Ever since she’d walked into the exam room, Lilly’s sixth sense had been going off like a tornado siren in her head, but for some reason, she couldn’t determine who was in for trouble. Then a horrible thought hit her. What if something had happened to Dillon? She hadn’t seen him in a couple of days, but they’d talked on the phone every day.
“Can I use that phone?” Lilly pointed to the handset hanging on the wall beside the door.
The doctor’s brow drew down on her forehead. “Sure. Are you okay, Lilly?”
Lilly nodded, trying to look calm instead of like a mental ward patient. She slowed her breathing and then said, “I just want to see if Dillon—that’s the father—is home.”
The doctor still looked confused, perhaps thinking the news of a baby might be better shared in person. Nevertheless, she grabbed the receiver and passed it to Lilly.
Lilly dialed his number. She silently prayed he’d answer as it rang. She hadn’t heard Dillon’s voice since yesterday morning. He’d become like a drug to her. When he wasn’t around, he was all she could think about. He treated her like a queen, and she couldn’t get enough.
The phone rang and rang. Still she let it go on until the doctor finally took it from her hand.
“I don’t think he’s home, Lilly.”
Lilly felt herself nod. Another wave of fear hit her. She hurried off the table and began slipping back into her clothes. The doctor had done an ultrasound as soon as the positive pregnancy test had come in, and Lilly had gotten to hear the fast little heartbeat of her child. My and Dillon’s child, she mentally corrected.
She finished dressing and turned to the doctor, who told Lilly to schedule her next visit in six weeks. The new expectant mother was out of the room before the poor doctor could even recommend pre-natal vitamins. Lilly ignored her trembling hand as she started her car. The tires squealed, and she was thrown backward in her seat as she jammed her foot down on the pedal.
She whipped out of the parking lot onto the main street without even looking for oncoming cars. Her mind was squarely focused on Dillon. She couldn’t go to his house because she didn’t know where he lived. The only place she could go was home. He had to be okay. He had to be.
Lilly was driving way too fast, and she knew it. She glanced in her rearview mirror, but there were no red-and-blue lights chasing her, so she didn’t let up on the pedal. Within minutes, her apartment complex came into view. She flew into an empty spot and jumped out of her car, bolting toward her front door with one thought racing through her head: Dillon had to be okay.
She was panting like a racehorse when she took her keys, hand still shaking like the hounds of hell were on her heels, and attempted to slide it into the keyhole. The keys fell to the ground with a clatter. “Shit!” Three more times she dropped the keys attempting to get the door open. “Shit, shit, shit,” she said every time the keys smacked against the ground. Finally, on the fourth try, she was able to get the key in the lock and turn the knob.
“Dillon!” She stumbled into the apartment. Immediately, she knew it was empty. But his masculine scent lingered as if he’d been there recently. Her steps, once desperate to get inside, were much slower now as she entered the space that was much too quiet. It had become a haven to her. The world could be going to hell outside, but when she was in her apartment with Dillon, everything was great. Now, it felt more like a tomb, though she knew it wasn’t because he was dead. But the life she’d known with him was. She knew it as surely as she knew the life growing inside of her was a miracle.
Lilly dropped her purse and slowly gazed around the room until her eyes landed on an envelope resting on the mantle above the small fireplace. For a moment, she simply stared at it. The envelope, it seemed, stared back at her. Her eyes never left the paper as she took small steps, approaching it with the beginnings of nausea, not caused by her pregnancy, stirring in her gut. The harmless-looking envelope would be as sharp as a knife. The words it held would be her ruin. Her steps halted as her bottom lip trembled. The truth was, she didn’t want to ever reach it. She wanted to pretend like she hadn’t noticed it and simply go on about her day, waiting for Dillon to get home so she could prepare his dinner. He had a huge appetite on
