Lilly knew if she opened that envelope there would be no more dinners. There would be no laughter, no more breathtaking smiles or tender touches. The piece of paper inside the envelope would shatter the world they’d built. The sad thing was she had known it was coming. Lilly had no idea how long they’d have together, a year or twenty, but he’d been honest with her from the beginning. Dillon had told her he had a true mate out there somewhere, and one day he might find her. And Lilly had chosen to stay with him anyway. But she hadn’t really expected it to happen so soon. Dillon had told her some wolves went centuries before they found their true mate. She’d only had him a few years. It wasn’t nearly long enough.
When she finally stood before the crisp, white envelope, not even realizing when she’d started forward again, she saw her name scrawled in handwriting she knew all too well. Her heart pounded so hard in her chest she worried it might just beat its way out. The air in her lungs seemed to be trying to claw its way up out of her throat as the envelope became blurry, and she realized there were tears building in her eyes. She hadn’t even picked the damn thing up yet. “This is going to suck,” she whispered, closing her eyes briefly, letting the tears flow freely down her cheeks. Taking a shuddering breath, she opened her eyes, reached out, and grasped the revolting paper. She crept over to the couch, moving as if she was in a trance, and sank down. The motion made her think of the Titanic. How morbid was that? Perhaps, she likened herself to the massive sinking ship because before too long, she herself would be huge. She’d be an enormous woman, listing in the open ocean, alone, with no one to call for help. “Stop!” she said loudly. There’s no reason to go down that road just yet.
She tore open the envelope and removed the paper from within. Her hands, oddly, had stopped trembling. Lilly wished the rest of her body would quit shaking, but she shivered like a person standing outdoors in Alaska wearing nothing but her underwear. No matter how many deep breaths she took, she couldn’t calm herself. As she unfolded the paper, the nausea only increased, bile rising in her throat. She swallowed several times lest she vomit all over the paper before she even had the chance to read the dreaded words.
For several minutes, Lilly couldn’t even read the words on the page. She simply stared at them as her face grew wetter and wetter from her tears. You’re being ridiculous. You’re falling apart without even fully knowing why. Maybe the letter merely said he had to go on a trip, and he’d be back in a few days. Sure. Lilly mentally kicked herself. If that was the case, then she wouldn’t have had one of her premonitions of impending doom. Now she knew for certain who the sense of foreboding concerned. The portent of dread wasn’t for herself. The horrible feeling had been for her child. The baby growing inside of her would never know his or her dad.
Lilly wiped the tears away, took one more deep breath, and began to read.
My sweet Lilly,
What can I say? Words are not adequate, nor is this letter. The truth is, I couldn’t face you. I am too much of a coward. I couldn’t tell you goodbye without falling at your feet and begging you to forgive me. I wish I could explain it to you in a way that would make you believe me. The love I felt for you was real. It wasn’t infatuation or some silly crush. If I were a human, I would have married you in an instant. But I am what I am. My future is mapped out by the Great Luna. We’ve already talked about all of it, and I know you said you were willing to deal with it when the time came. Looking back, I shouldn’t have let you. I should have argued, put up more of a fight. I should have walked away then so that now the pain might have been less. But neither of us could have realized it would happen so soon. There are no words to fully express how sorry I am. I never wanted to hurt you, or at least that’s what I keep telling myself. But what kind of man does this? What kind of man falls in love with a woman and lets her fall in love with him in return, knowing he can’t give her the world? What kind of man allows a woman to give herself to him in every way, knowing he cannot do the same? There was always a part of me that wouldn’t belong to you. Maybe I should have explained that better. Then, maybe you would have been pissed off and told me to take a hike, which would have been for the best. As possessive as my kind are, I wanted all of you, and I demanded all of you. Yet, I couldn’t reciprocate. I wanted your attention. I wanted your time. I wanted my scent all over you, which always made you laugh. I will miss your laugh. I will miss a lot of things.
You’re strong, Lilly Pierce. You’re probably already kicking my memory to the curb, which is no more than I deserve. I know you will bounce back, and some lucky SOB will sweep you off of your feet. Then, I will be but a pleasant memory, if that. I hope that for you. I hope you will be happy. You deserve more than I could ever give you.
I have cleared out all of my stuff. I didn’t
