Tanya didn’t seem bothered by Peri’s words. She ignored them and turned back to Lilly. “Is there anything at all that we can do to help?”
“You really don’t hate me, do you?” Lilly asked, completely dumbfounded. Based on the couple of times she’d seen Tanya, Lilly believed the woman was just really good at hiding her feelings. But in truth, Dillon’s mate simply wasn’t holding a grudge.
“I don’t,” Tanya replied. “One of the great things about the true mate bond is that lies cannot be easily hidden. I know what he felt for you before, and I know what he feels for you now. He cares for you, but as a friend and as the mother of his child. Which he should feel. He’d be an ass if he didn’t. But he loves me as a mate, and I don’t doubt that.”
Tanya’s statement was like a spring of cool water to Lilly on a hot day. The guilt she’d been feeling over her relationship with Dillon began to dissipate, and now she felt foolish for ever being ashamed. She’d never felt guilty before because their relationship had given her Jacque, and she could never bring herself to regret her daughter.
“For what it’s worth,” Tanya continued, “I am so very sorry for your loss. I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy, let alone the mother of my mate’s child. And you have our complete support—the Colorado pack, I mean. We will stand with the warlocks.”
Lilly glanced up at Dillon, who gave a single nod in agreement with his mate. “Jacque’s called me several times. She really needs to hear from you, to know that you’re okay. I’m not trying to tell you how to be a mom, or telling you you're a bad mom,” he quickly added. Lilly nearly laughed. Someone had coached him on what to say and what not to say to a mother.
“Thank you,” she said and sincerely meant it.
“Okay,” Peri sang, “I think that’s enough bonding for the three of you. I need to speak with the queen alone.” Her voice deepened on that last word. “Seems there’s been a little sprite casting wards that keep friends out.” Peri clucked her tongue. “That’s not nice, queenie.”
“Nor is it nice to continually ‘pop in’”—she made air quotes around the words—“to someone’s bedroom, uninvited,” she countered.
The fae rolled her eyes. “I go where I’m needed. What can I say? Someone as busy as me can’t be bothered with calling ahead and scheduling a meeting with your secretary.”
“Peri,” Dillon started, but Lilly shook her head at him.
He sighed and then gave her a small smile. “As my mate said, if you need anything, we’re here.”
Lilly took a deep breath and stood a little taller. “Thank you. I appreciate the Colorado pack’s support.”
Before Tanya or Dillon could respond, Peri grabbed the backs of their shirts and flashed. A second later, she was back. Peri looked around the room. “Huh, so once invited, the ward doesn’t keep you out. That’s a little less irritating. But still irritating nonetheless.”
“Peri,” Lilly started, but the fae held up her hand. Lilly snapped her lips closed like a chastised child.
“Why didn’t you let someone know it had gotten this bad?” Peri asked after several minutes of silence. “There is no shame in grief, Lilly. There is no shame in admitting you can’t hold your shit together when you’ve lost the other half of your soul. A Canis lupus, if he’d lost his mate before bonding, would be a raging, feral beast right now in your shoes. And no one would think him a crazy lunatic.”
“When I lost Dillon I didn—”
“Dillon wasn’t your soul mate!” Peri snapped. “Dillon was a male you fell in love with, but he was not the lover of your soul. There is a profound difference.”
Those words hit Lilly so hard she took a step back to catch her balance. Lover of her soul? That’s exactly what Cypher was. He not only completed her, but he nurtured her—every part of her. His presence was never a burden; it was always welcome. A single touch from him could settle her nerves in an instant. He was a balm to her wounds, a cool drink of water on the hottest day, a warm blanket around her on the coldest nights.
“Ho-o-w,” Lilly stuttered, “am I, su-u-p-posed to get through this, Peri?” Lilly clutched at the place over her heart and wished she could just dig her nails in and force the damn thing to stop beating. “How would you live without Lucian?”
Peri’s eyes fixed on Lilly’s. “I wouldn’t.” The high fae walked toward her and then grabbed Lilly’s shoulders and pulled her up until she was standing straight. “But I am not the queen of a race that needs me. You, on the other hand, have no choice. The Great Luna has made you of stronger stuff. You must keep going. I’m giving you two more days. You can kick, scream, yell, destroy this room more, drink until you can’t stand, or do whatever it is you need to in order to deal with the anger and grief, but then it’s done. You have to prepare yourself to defend your position. I already know at least one warlock has his eyes on your throne.”
Lilly looked at her sideways.
Peri nodded. “I’ve got some of my little pixies doing what they do best—gathering intel—and the reports are not good. In the two days since your guests left, Lysander has gathered supporters. You’ve lost the luxury of having a true period of grieving. Now, you must be a queen without her king at her side. And you have to be the best damn queen the warlocks have ever seen.”
Lilly fought back the urge to vomit.
“Lilly, look at me,” Peri’s stern voice caused her to raise her eyes back to the fae’s. “Once upon a time, you
