Tenia glanced at her, and Myanin could see the concern in her eyes. Myanin remembered the way they’d both agreed that anyone who had harmed a child in any way and rapists would not be used. The fact that they were about to make vampires out of these people was bad enough. They didn’t want to make bloodsuckers that only preyed upon children or had some sick sexual perversion. But now she’d had this revelation about herself, and she couldn’t even justify the people they had chosen. Myanin was walking around free, as if she had a right to choose that for herself even as she chose for the prisoners they’d left behind that they were where they belonged.
She shook her head at Tenia hoping the fae would understand that she needed to go. She couldn’t stand there any longer.
“How many did you bring?” Ludcarab asked.
“There’s a hundred,” Tenia answered. “We can bring more later, but we haven’t been able to check in on our enemy. We took care of the vamp recruits first.” Tenia was curt but successfully sounded as if she was attempting to please the elf, but her shifting eyes glancing at Myanin made it clear she was just saying what she needed to in order to get them away from the place as quickly as possible.
“You’ve done well,” Alston said, looking first at Myanin and then at Tenia.
“I would like to see him before we leave,” Tenia said. Myanin knew the fae was speaking of her child.
Alston nodded. “Excellent idea. You’ve been toeing the line so well, Tenia. I wouldn’t want you to forget why loyalty is important.”
Tenia gave her a quick look that was practically yelling at her to hold on. Myanin pulled on every ounce of self-control she’d been taught as a warrior, though she didn’t even know if she could trust that anymore.
The trio stood in awkward silence. Myanin wasn’t about to start a conversation with the elf king and high fae. She couldn’t see any benefit from engaging with them, especially when she was on the verge of losing her shit. She hated what she was seeing in herself. All she wanted to see now was the ugly in everyone else. If she opened her mouth she would simply provoke the elf king and his associates to prove herself right: that they were worse than her. When Myanin spoke, she apparently lacked a thing that Tenia called a filter, but she imagined at this point her lack of filter would end in a blood bath, and she had enough blood on her hands. Myanin hadn’t understood at the time what Tenia had meant. When the djinn had asked, Tenia had told her that Myanin just said whatever popped into her head. She’d informed Tenia that she actually only said half the things that popped into her head. The fae had not looked reassured. Myanin now understood Tenia’s concern.
A few minutes later, Tenia reappeared. For a brief second, Myanin saw joy on the fae’s face, but with a single blink, it was gone, replaced by a stony demeanor.
“We will expect to hear from you in no less than a week,” Alston said, reminding them of their boundaries. “That should be sufficient time for you to figure out what’s going on. The wolves are likely in disarray since Vasile, Alina, and Cypher have been taken out of the picture.”
Myanin and Tenia nodded like good little soldiers. Then Tenia grabbed Myanin and flashed them away. This time, Myanin didn’t object to being grabbed as she usually would have because she was a second away from punching Alston in his smug face. As soon as the duo reappeared somewhere else, Tenia released her. She shook her hand and looked at Myanin as if she didn’t know her.
“Are you okay?” Tenia asked, her voice cautious.
“That’s a loaded question,” said Myanin as she looked at the ground.
“Your skin is hot, like burning hot,” the fae practically whispered. “But you’re pale, as if all of the blood has been drained from your body. With skin that hot you should be flushed, not white as snow.”
“Why is it I hate that fae more every time I see him?” Myanin asked, avoiding Tenia’s questions. She wasn’t ready to reveal exactly what she was. Tenia was a friend, or at least Myanin would like to think they’d become friends. What would she think when Myanin revealed that she now knew she was no better than the prisoners they’d judged worse than the others? She pulled a nearly empty bag of cotton candy from her hip pocket. As she put a piece in her mouth, expecting it to bring a rush of relief, she nearly spit it out as it tasted like ash in her mouth. But she forced herself to swallow it. She would take the punishment. The one thing she’d taken pleasure in was now a reminder of what she was. She would eat every bite and swallow it down as if it were just as good as always. She had to. Until she could come to terms with this new self, this new identity she was disgusted by, she couldn’t give up the last bit
