I consider the consequences of returning.Would I get closure, or would it break me? If I remain in the Borders, I wouldnever know, but if I head to Skye who and what will I be confronting? Thethought sends a shiver up my spine.
I return to work and find myself checkingmy diary to see what my schedule is looking like over the coming weeks. With noprior thought, here I am checking my schedule to see how I could possibly freeup some time. There are no ‘free days.’ The very efficient Susie has meetingsbooked out for the next six weeks or so. This was not going to be easy and whatdo I even tell Janey and Michael? Then there was George’s lack of information –he didn’t give me any indication as to how long I should plan the trip for.
I buzz Susie through to discuss thematter. “I don’t like to ask but how feasible would it be for you tore-schedule some of my meetings? I’m feeling run down and the doctor hasrecommended that I take a couple of weeks off work.” She doesn’t do a very goodjob of hiding the pained expression on her face.
“Well it won’t be easy but of course itcan be done.”
“That’s great then. I’ll come in next weekas those meetings are too soon to reschedule then I’ll take the following twoweeks off.”
“No problem, Thomas,” and off she goes,clearly relishing the prospect of the numerous phone calls she had to make. Ifigured two weeks would be more than enough time and if it took less then Icould always return to work earlier.
This was a huge decision I’d made in whatfelt like a heartbeat. I only hope I have made the right decision. And what totell Janey and Michael? I have to come up with a convincing story. I can’t tellJaney I’m going back to delve into my past, she’d only worry and undoubtedlywant to come with me and there’s no way I can have that. Then it hits me, Ihave a plan.
I wait until after dinner and I present mywife and son with my cover story. “So, it looks as though I’m going to have togo up north soon on business. Our Inverness branch are looking to recruit a newfinancial adviser and they’ve asked me to be involved. There were keen for meto help as I’ve had a lot of experience in recruiting in the past. There aretwo candidates currently in the running for the post and they both work on theIsle of Skye, so I’ll be based there.” I pause to hear my family’s reaction.
The first question is from Janey. “Andwhat do you feel about that, Thomas? Are you OK with spending time on Skye?”her voice loaded with concern.
“Oh yes, I’m purely there on business, Iwon’t be seeing any family or anything.”
The next question is from Michael; “Whenare you going, dad?”
“The week after next, son.”
“That’s really soon, dad, I hope itdoesn’t clash with my football try-outs.” Oh, I’d forgotten all about that witheverything that had been going on. Michael continues; “It’s OK, dad, don’tworry. If it does clash, mum will be there to see me. You go on your trip.”
I’m so proud of him, he has a big heart.He gets up and leaves the table, leaving Janey and I to our thoughts. I gazeover at her and see her brow is furrowed, clearly she has serious doubts aboutmy announcement. Eventually she says, “I’m not sure this is a good idea,Thomas. I’m worried about you going back there. I know you’ve never went intoany great detail with me, but I know you didn’t have a happy childhood. Isthere anyone else they could ask to go in your place?”
“Don’t worry, Janey. I wouldn’t haveagreed to this if I didn’t think I could do it. Yes, I didn’t have the bestchildhood but I’m not alone in that. Anyway, I am not there to catch up withanyone, I’m simply there on business.”
She considers this. “OK, if you’re sure.Would it help if we came through with you even for part of the trip?”
“No, not at all, I’ll be fine. You need tobe here; I know how crazy busy your work is right now and Michael can’t affordto miss out on his schooling or this football try-out. Don’t worry, it’ll allbe fine.” I get up and go to her side and we embrace.
The following morning, I wake early andconsider whereabouts on Skye I should find accommodation. George has given meno clue, but I reason that Portree would be a good idea. It’s the main town onSkye and would provide a good base for my trip. Being almost in the centre ofthe island everything is accessible from there and there are plenty ofamenities. For a brief moment I wonder about staying at Dunvegan then thinkbetter of it, I don’t want to be a mere stone’s throw away from the croft.Also, mother’s care home is situated in Portree so it seems like the bestoption all round.
I search for some time then settle on aquayside apartment which sounds perfect. ‘Industrial chic meets Victorian charmat this luxury harbour-front apartment overlooking Portree’s picturesqueharbour’, so the advert boasts. It looks cosy and has a large wood burner sothat’ll be perfect and the view out to sea looks lovely. At this time of year,the weather can be wild so it’d be quite something staring off to sea should astorm hit, watching the waves crashing into the harbour.
I reflect on how quickly things have movedalong. There is a distinctly tight knot in my stomach but interestingly mixedin with that there is also a tingling nervous anticipation. I marvel at theimpact George’s presence has had. He knows only too well my reluctance atventuring anywhere near the Isle of Skye and yet here I am only a matter of afew days after his visit having arranged the time off work, broke the news tomy family, and sorted out
