It was very much a fitful night’s sleep. Iwoke several times throughout the night and even in the gloom I noticed asimilar puddle to mine under mother’s chair. When I heard the rooster call, Iwas more grateful than ever before. Surely my impending release was coming.
Life on the croft started early so I wasconfident that father would be through shortly to untie us but there was nosign of him. Mother woke after me and she was as confused as I was as to hiswhereabouts. He had to be here soon, I have school this morning and the bus tocatch! My siblings had already paid us a visit earlier this morning.
Eventually we hear the loud footstepsalong the hallway. His towering presence fills the length and breadth of thedoorway when he reaches the kitchen. He bends over, gagging and retching. Whenhe stands upright again, he addresses us. “You pair are a couple of stinkingdogs. I knew you’d piss in your pants.” There is no response from either of us,better to just let him get it all off his chest. “I imagine you’ll be wantingset free like two little birds?” He then recites the nursery rhyme ‘Two LittleDicky Birds’ in a sing-song voice as he roughly sets about loosening the ropes(the sound of that nursery rhyme being sung by him is truly sickening).
However, the feeling of having my limbsback into their normal place of alignment is incredible. I am still very sore,yes but oh, what a relief! “Not so fast, boy! Don’t either of you move amuscle. You’re not going anywhere until this lot has been cleaned and polishedup. I’m off to feed the hens. When I get back this had better be sparkling.”
We set about making the best job wepossibly could of cleaning the place up. In no time at all however he was backin the room inspecting my work. “OK, now off to school, you better run oryou’re gonna miss the bus. No time for breakfast or to get changed.” What?!He’s expecting me to go to school in my urine saturated clothes?! I try toreason with him, “But—”
“Don’t you dare try to answer me back. Outthat door now or so help me God I’ll strap you back in.”
I walk out the front door gripped in astate of panic. What should I do? If I get on the bus everyone will smell meand my life won’t be worth living any longer at high school. It’s bad enough atthe moment with only another couple of the outcasts choosing to associate withme. If I go into school in this state, I’ll be targeted and bulliedmercilessly. And what about Miss Davies? What is she going to say or any of myother teachers? They are bound to start asking more questions. Will theycontact the social work department? I shudder at the thought. What punishmentwould father dish out next if this went any further?
My brain feels as though it’s going toexplode with all the thoughts churning over and over and I have to reach aconclusion soon as the bus will be here any minute. I notice my heart ispumping at an alarming rate and my throat is constricted. I am struggling todraw a breath and I barely notice Caroline is at my side.
“Looks like you’re having a panic attack,”she says. “Are you struggling to breath?” Unable to speak I simply nod. “I readabout this, all you have to do is take deep breaths and extend the exhale.” Itake her advice and after a few rounds of deep breathing I feel the edges ofthe panic beginning to subside.
“Thank you,” I manage.
“What are you going to do?” she asks.
“I don’t know but there’s no way I can goto school like this! I need to think of something, the bus is going to be heresoon.”
A voice pipes up from behind me, “You’renot going to school with those clothes on, I’ve got a plan.” James, you’ve gotto love him, James to the rescue! “Make your way down the glen to the outskirtsof town. There’s an old payphone there. Use it to phone the school pretendingto be father to say you’re sick and unable to make it in.”
It was a plan but how feasible? “I can’tdo that; I don’t know how to speak like father!”
“Oh yes, you do,” he says. “You’re alwaysmimicking his voice. ‘Thomas, come here now, Thomas do this, do that.’”
“I guess so but even if I get away with itwhat am I going to do all day?”
“What are you going to do all day?! You’regoing to taste freedom that’s what you’re going to do. You’re going to loseyourself for the day and love every minute of it!”
Well, this puts a new spin on things.Something positive coming out of this nightmare situation. Where would I gowith my newfound freedom? I catch myself. I have to get through the first stageand pray this call to the school works. No time to waste, the bus is roundingthe corner so off I dash.
It takes me a good half an hour or so toget to the phone box and I step inside. I can’t help but laugh inwardly as Iimagine the look on father’s face if he could see me right now! The steam wouldbe coming out of his ears! En route to the phone box I passed a couple ofpeople going about their business but I felt sure they knew there was somethingamiss, such is the way of it when you know you’re doing something you shouldn’tbe doing.
I pick up thereceiver with my left hand and hold it to my ear. With my other hand I reachfor some loose change. Everything was going well, and my right hand wastracking its way towards the coin slot but then I lost my nerve and quicklyreplaced the receiver. OK, deep breaths (taking Caroline’s advice) and I alsoremembered the chat I’d had with James. ‘I can do this!’ I say to myself.Before lifting the
