I’m ready. Without hesitation this time Ionce again lift the receiver and this time the money makes its way into theslot and I punch the numbers in. I take a few deep breaths as I wait to beconnected and even if I do say so myself it all goes swimmingly well. Mr Hedley(our headteacher) is ‘very sorry to hear Thomas is feeling unwell’ and wisheshim a speedy recovery. Bingo! Job done; I now have free time to myself but whatto do? Of course – spend the day at Dunvegan Castle.
I hadn’t been to Dunvegan Castle since Iwas just a small boy, and it held a place in my heart. It was the stuff of mythand legend. There was no need to go into the castle itself (and I remindedmyself I was still smelling ghastly and should avoid crowds!) but just to be inthe grounds of the castle taking everything in would be enough. I could losemyself and pretend to be someone else for the day and that’s exactly what Idid. The time flew by as I savoured the sights and sounds en route to thecastle, the sense of freedom intoxicating.
Then I eventually came upon it, the castlerising sheer from the perpendicular edges of the rock, its massive battlements‘holding fast’ against a spectacular backdrop of sky, mountains, and sea. It isawe-inspiring and takes my breath away. Father is unable to penetrate thismagical scene before me and this newfound freedom as I say a silent prayer fortime to stand still so I can stay locked in this happy state for as long aspossible.
I make the most of the day, taking in thesurroundings and walking the perimeter of the estate. Happily, I also hadenough money to buy a snack from the snack van, so the hunger pangs weresatisfied. It was a day I never wanted to end but end it did. I made my wayback to the croft, carefully timing the trip to coincide with the time the buswould make it there so as not to arouse suspicion.
Ifelt giddy with excitement. It felt as though I had one up on father. Hethought he had completely broken me but here I was having had the most perfectday I could remember. The feeling lasts for the majority of the duration homebut as I round the last corner and look upwards towards our croft, I feel animpending sense of doom, every step now torturous. With heavy feet and a heavyheart, I take the final few steps up the path and open the door.
CHAPTER 8
Thomas
T
he past week or so has flown in and I realise that my tripto Skye is only a matter of hours away. All that remains is to pack a bag, getsome shut eye, and, first thing in the morning, set off. It hits me with fullforce the enormity of the decision which I had taken so lightly. Have I madethe right choice? There’s still time to change my mind. There are so many questions.I realise I could drive myself crazy as I know they will remain unanswereduntil I journey up there to see where this is all leading.
In the past few days, thoughts have beenreturning more and more vividly of the time spent on the croft and my siblings;memories I thought I’d quashed. Realistically, what was I hoping to achievewith all this? Would it be good therapy for me, or would it simply be a case ofpicking at old wounds? Picking at them and letting myself bleed out? I feel thepanic rising as I picture myself being drawn into a downward spiral. I’d spentall these years clawing my way back up and was this about to be torn wide apartin a matter of a few days when I confronted the demons from my past?
I hastily pack a case; my mind not fullyfocused on the job in hand. I pack with warmth and comfort in mind. This is thetail end of winter after all in Skye and it can be a very unforgiving climate.A couple of work shirts and ties are placed strategically on the top so as notto arouse suspicion should Janey sneak a peek.
With that completed, I make my waydownstairs to spend the rest of the evening with my family. Michael is hisusual easy going self, the conversation in full flow. We get all the details onthe latest love of his life – a girl called Ellie who is apparently ‘verypopular’ and ‘do you know she’s been asked out by three of my mates and turnedthem all down but said yes to me!’ I’m in awe of the confident young man I seebefore me. He has the world at his feet, and he doesn’t even realise it. Had Ihad the upbringing he’s had and the confidence he exudes, then I can onlyimagine about what I might’ve become.
Janey, I note, is not so easy going. Sheis participating in the conversation, but I can sense she’s somewhat guarded.Michael will be blissfully unaware but as her husband I know her better thananyone and pick up on the slight edge to the tone of her voice and the extraline along her brow giving it a furrowed appearance. She’s worried; she’sconcerned about me going
