“I’m not sure, I haven’t been able to talkabout it, ever.”
Beforewe get a chance to say anything further, we are interrupted by the sound offootsteps approaching. Thomas’ mystery housemate is about to be revealed and Ifeel a nervous anticipation. He doesn’t stop in the living room; headinginstead straight out onto the decking to join us. It is instant recognition.Yes, he has aged but there is no denying who is stood before me – GeorgeTraynor. I also see the flicker of recognition across his eyes as he takes mein. Neither of us acknowledge this as we politely shake hands when Thomasintroduces us.
CHAPTER 13
January 14th 1998
I
t has been a particularly harsh and unforgiving winter. Nolonger have I been able to find solace carrying out duties around the croftbecause the biting cold and snowstorms have made the simplest of tasks arduous.The animals too also seem to emanate this weariness as they hunt for shelterand hungrily devour any food available.
Life within theconfines of the croft has taken a turn for the worse which I didn’t think waspossible. Father’s drinking has escalated and with it his behaviour has becomemore and more erratic. I am living in fight or flight mode, my whole being onhigh alert ready to do battle and to expect the unexpected. The alcohol isaffecting his sleep too because he is keeping the strangest hours now. On a fewoccasions he has writhed me out of my bed in the middle of the night to helpwith one thing or another, seemingly oblivious to what time it was.
Mother too is worrying me; her bouts offorgetfulness seem to be increasing and neither mother nor father have acknowledgedthis. Only the other day she had packed my school lunch and laid it out – onSaturday! I didn’t have the heart to say anything, so I ate the lunch andbrought the empty container back through. She didn’t seem to acknowledge thefact I hadn’t left the croft that day to go to school so I couldn’t work outwhether she thought I was at school that day or at home.
The alcohol is doing nothing to dampenfather’s fury. If anything it’s adding fuel to the fire. He is a walking,talking, ticking time bomb, ready to explode at the drop of a hat and woebetide you if you happen to be at the wrong place at the wrong time.
Christmas had been a particularly hardperiod and I am relieved it’s all over. There was no giving and receiving ofgifts, no decorations adorned the croft, and no feast was to be had. It didn’tstop me waking on Christmas morning with the vein hope that perhaps this yearthings would be different. I tortured myself with the vision of what my schoolfriends’ Christmas Day would look like. The only blessing was that father drankeven more than usual (perhaps his way of celebrating?) and drank himself into astupor where he slept most of the day. My siblings wanted to take advantage ofthis situation and take off somewhere, but I was unsure. What if he woke up andwe weren’t there? However, in the past couple of months this has been happeningmore and more frequently. He gets a few jobs done around the croft then parkshimself in the dining room: bottle of Scotch at the ready. It has happened enoughtimes now for us to get a feel for how long he’ll be ‘out cold.’ So, today, wetake a huge decision and leap of faith as we decide to venture when we see he’sshut himself away in the dining room.
Caroline has been the driving force behindour destination of choice. I can barely recall being there but she’s adamant wewent years ago on a rare afternoon out. With the only times we leave the croftbeing to either go to school or accompany mother to the supermarket, this (likemy jaunt to Dunvegan Castle) was a treat. It was also extremely risky. We (orshould I say Caroline) had decided to go to Neist Point Lighthouse. It was themost westerly point on the island and takes around half an hour to get there bycar. We were going by bus, so slightly longer.
We decided to allow two hours all in forthe bus trips and a further couple of hours to explore. We will have to say oursilent prayers to the gods that he is out long enough to allow us to leave andreturn un-noticed. We didn’t have to worry about mother, bless her, that waseasily remedied. On return if she said anything about our disappearance, wewere going to use her forgetfulness to our advantage. Not something I am proudof but feasible none the less. There was no chance she would risk waking him toalert him of our disappearance, so we simply had to cross everything and prayhe was out for long enough.
We had been plotting this for some timenow; waiting on an opportune moment and intermittently checking his supplies ofScotch to ensure there was enough there. When he plants himself in the diningroom he doesn’t leave until he’s emptied the contents of a full bottle. Jameschecked only a couple of days ago and there were three full bottles there, sowe decided now was as good a time as any. Juliet was ‘coming along for theride.’ She had no opinion either way on whether we should stay or go but washappy to come along with us. With father safely ensconced in the dining room, Irustled some food together and packed it in my rucksack and we were off. Motherdidn’t see me packing the rucksack, so she was easily appeased when I made theexcuse that we were off to check on the cows.
I was only too aware that throughout theday I would have that little voice in my head
