He finishes up and addresses me. “WellThomas, I bet you are anxious to know where we are going today? Am I right?”
I can’t help myself. “Of course I’manxious but it’s why I’m here in the first place, so let’s get on with it!”
“Very eager, Thomas, very eager, welldone, lad.” No, I am not being oversensitive, that last phrase was definitelycondescending. How many years have passed since I was last addressed as ‘lad’?I show restraint and refrain from rising to it so he has no option but to presson. “All in good time, Thomas. Now, let’s clear up here then we can head out tothe car and all as they say shall be revealed.”
“I will be right with you, George; I justneed a quick word with Janey first.”
“No problem, take your time. I’ll sortthis lot out and we can leave when we are all good and ready.” There issomething else which has been weighing heavily on my mind, something I need tospeak to Janey about.
We head to the guestroom I have beenstaying in so there is complete privacy. I motion to Janey to sit beside me onthe bed, and she tentatively takes a seat. “Thomas, what is this about? Youhave got me worried.”
I take both of her hands in mine and lockeyes with her. “There is no easy way to say this. I haven’t been able to talkabout it before with you, or anyone else for that matter.” I watch my wifementally brace herself. “It feels like the right time to tell you about it now.Being here in Skye, it’s forcing me to face things I have quashed for manyyears.”
I take a few deep breaths then press on.“I know I haven’t been very transparent and open about everything that happenedyears ago, and I hope you can understand why – it was just too painful to talkabout.” She gives me a reassuring nod. “You know relations broke down with myfather as there was an incident years ago which culminated in me ending up inhospital then ultimately being placed in foster care?” Again, that reassuringnod comes but slower this time, an indication that she agrees with what I’vesaid but is wary about what is coming next. “Well, it wasn’t just me he hurtthat day. He killed my sister Caroline.”
There, I’ve done it. It’s out there and itfeels like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. The only other person inthe world I have discussed that with is George. Many times I had consideredspeaking to Janey about it but either I was unable to form the words or I was worriedabout the consequences of opening the proverbial Pandora’s Box.
I look at Janey to gauge her reaction asshe hasn’t said anything. She appears to be in shock. I am so close to probingher to find out what she thinks but she beats me to it. “Thomas, I can’tbelieve it! You have lived with that knowledge all your life, keeping it allbottled up? You should have spoken to me; I would’ve tried to help you! Youpoor thing! That must’ve been so traumatic for you.” She is off her seat now andcradling me in her arms. The pain which, as she so correctly pointed out, hadbeen bottled up over the years rises to the surface and I weep like a child inher arms.
It was the right time to tell her. Ihaven’t got a clue what George has planned for me, but it was only right Janeywasn’t left in the dark. She had to know about what really happened that day.Since she is accompanying me on the journey, I know I have to be upfront andhonest with her.
Eventually the sobbing starts to subside,but Janey maintains a tight embrace and it feels so good just being held. Iraise my head and whisper a thank you. “Don’t thank me, Thomas. I am your wife,and I am here for you no matter what. We are going to get through this, believeme, and do you know how I know that? Because we are going to do it together.”
I manage a fleeting smile. She wipes theremnants of any tears from my cheeks and stands up, holding out her hands tohelp me to my feet. I dutifully oblige. “Ready?” she asks.
“Let’s go,” I hear myself say. The voicewas meant to portray conviction but behind it the reality was that I wasshaking like a leaf. I notice Janey didn’t ask any questions about how fatherkilled Caroline. Perhaps she was wary of pressing me for more information,knowing full well what it took for me to tell her about it in the first place.My rational mind takes over … no point in over-analysing it, the main thing isshe now knows what happened that day. No more secrets. As she said, we’re goingto get through this – together.
Weleave the guestroom and join George. Why can’t I shake the feeling that we arelike two spring lambs getting led to the slaughter …?
CHAPTER 15
February 12th 1998
I
t was no ordinary day. We had patiently waited and plannedfor this day. As promised, we were going ahead with Caroline’s plan since minehad failed in spectacular fashion. However, her plan was also extremely riskyso I prayed that we could pull it off.
We didn’t have a lot of space in the barnfor the livestock, so the majority of our stock were out in all weathers. TheHighland cows had the advantage over the other animals because they were ableto use their horns to
