What had I done? I’d droppedher right in it; put her right in the firing line. There had been no thoughtinvolved, I was just straight out with it. The only thought I did have prior tomy outburst was that I had to show some accountability. To simply say I’d cutthe engine off and nothing more, that it was a freak accident I didn’t thinkwould wash with him. He wanted someone to blame so saying I had purposefullyclogged the chute up was, in my eyes, definitely the lesser of the two evils.He would be more lenient if he thought I was trying to shirk out of finishing achore as opposed to being out to intentionally injure him. But, bringingCaroline into it, how had that happened? I felt guilt and shame in bucketloads.All the time I’ve spent contemplating about how to protect them all and at thefirst opportunity I use her as my fall guy. Well, there was no going back now,it was out there so I’d just have to see this one through.
Because we had been looking directly atone other during my confession, I’d had the misfortune of watching his facethroughout. This, I realise, is why I had dropped her in it – I was terrified,I didn’t like what I saw one bit. He was fit to burst and had mother not beentending to his wound, I imagine he would have been off his seat in a flash, pinningme against the wall. Blaming Caroline, it appeared, was a colossal mistake. Notonly did I feel beyond guilty, but I could see the impact of my words and itseemed to make him even madder, if that was possible.
Mother finished dressing the wound and Ibraced myself. “So that’s your version of events then, is it? Caroline was themastermind behind all this? It was her idea to clog the chute up and youhappily went along with it, wanting to get out of doing your chores? This isbeginning to be a recurring theme now, Thomas, shifting the blame towardsCaroline, is it not? But, if that’s what we’re going with, then you’re both toblame, is that not right, Mary?” We simultaneously turn to look at mother andshe appears to be in a state of fugue, staring off into space. “Mary; MARY!”Nothing rouses her. “What the fuck? Stupid cow, she’s on another planet thatone. At least I know she’s not involved, she’s not capable of breaking her wayout of a cardboard box!”
He turns his attention back to me. “Well,if what you’re saying is true, you’d better get her in here right now, prove itto me. You claim you didn’t set out to hurt me but hurt me you did as a resultof your stupidity and laziness.” He stares intently at me, waiting for me tomake a move, but I can’t, I’m frozen to the spot, not sure what to do. Hestarts to shout, “Caroline, oh Caroline, where are you? Get in here – now!”We wait, but nothing.
“Piss off out of my sight now, lad! AndCaroline or no Caroline, you’d best get yourself back here within the next houror so help me God … and be prepared to get what’s coming to you! Go on! Shiftit will you! Can a man no get some peace? I need to rest up and have a wee dramwhilst I think up your punishment.”
When we had been discussing how to executeour plan, Caroline had said all along she’d be watching the proceedings as theyplayed out. I knew with certainty that she would have heard all the dramaunfold when we arrived back in the croft, she would have been lying in wait.Now the real panic sets in with me. She knows my betrayal and she knows he islooking for her. I feel my heart breaking – what had I done? OK, yes, she wasinvolved, but why had I implicated her in such a direct fashion? If she knowshe’s after her, she’ll be in a panic too. Think Thomas, THINK! There’s no wayshe’d hang about here. She will have fled, and it hits me straight away in thatmoment, I know where she’ll be headed to. I have to go; I have to get to herbefore he does.
I’m off, I flee as fast as I can out intothe snowy wilderness once more.
Bert
I let him take off out the door. I let him think I am goingto remain here patiently waiting on his return – with Caroline in tow. But Ihave other plans, I’m going after him to find out what he’s up to. He is off insearch of her and when he finds her, I asked him to bring her back to the croftfor a little showdown. He has pushed me to breaking point this time. I shudderas I imagine how much worse my injuries could have been. The storm was sointense, it was impossible to tell whether that damn snowblower had been turnedoff or not but why did I leave it to chance? Perhaps I’m starting to lose mytouch? No! I dismiss that thought straight away before it takes root. Why did Itrust that snivelling pathetic excuse of a son of
