And for now I’ve opened up enough and though she’s quiet once more I sense it’s gone some way to heal the wound I put there. Or is that more wishful thinking on my part?
I don’t know, but as I pull into the underground car park to my apartment building and park up in the private section that serves my penthouse suite, I’ve never been more relieved to be getting out from behind the wheel again.
‘Is that why Alan brought you in?’
Olivia
I watch as Valentine closes the car door and looks at me over the roof. I know my question has surprised him; I see it in the slight flare to his eyes, and the crease between his brows that quickly follows.
‘What do you mean?’
‘Why he chose you specifically to come in and help, the charity, the organisation... Me?’
‘Does it matter?’
My shrug is subtle. ‘I don’t know if it matters. I just know it bothers me that I didn’t know.’
‘It’s hardly something you just come out and mention, and like I said—’
‘You were going to and I stopped you, I know. But Alan could have said something.’
‘I think he was worried it would be something of a trigger for you and have you flipping out from the off.’
My brows arc. ‘More than I already did?’
He rests his hand on the roof between us and studies me quietly, his blue eyes so vivid and intense as they pin me in place.
‘I think he thought that with my background I would understand you better, including the backlash I’m sure he anticipated.’
‘I see.’ I swallow to push down the adrenaline rush his eyes have sparked. ‘And does he really expect you to tame me so completely?’
His smile is slow and sexy as fuck, the rush shooting way past my control as my breasts prickle against the lace of my bra.
‘I’m not sure anyone could tame you, Olivia, not completely at any rate.’
‘Try at all.’ My smile is ripe with challenge. ‘Shall I let you in on a little secret?’
‘I’m all ears.’
‘I’ve lived my entire life confined by another. Before Nathan, it was my father, wanting to put me in a certain box and keep me there. And I’m not going back to those days. I’m living for me now and nothing and no one will change that.’
‘You think that’s a secret? I’ve already pieced that much together—not your father, but Nathan. It’s obvious his mark is everywhere—in your house, in the office, in the way you act...and you told me it yourself, but what I don’t get is why.’
‘Why what?’
‘Why did you let him take over?’
‘I didn’t, not intentionally at any rate.’
‘But you did.’
I drag in a breath, think back to Fee’s words over the years, so very much the same. ‘I loved him.’
‘Yes, but loving someone doesn’t give them the right to control you.’
No, it doesn’t. But how can I explain it to him when I can barely explain it to myself?
‘Nathan was...he was an exceptional man. He pulled himself off the streets, studied hard, worked harder. He made something of himself from nothing and he spent his adult life helping others avoid what he went through.’
‘I read about his past...’ His eyes soften a little with understanding. ‘I read about his time on the streets.’
‘Then you’ll understand why he lived a very safe existence; everything had to be just so. He was careful, measured about everything...’ The word boring almost erupts and the way Valentine’s eyes spark, I know he thinks the same and is comparing it to my own description of him the night of the dinner.
But I can’t label Nathan in such a way; it feels disloyal, a disservice, especially when I think of his days on the streets and the reasons behind the way he was.
‘He was an inspiration,’ I say instead, my smile bittersweet as I think back to the early days in our relationship. ‘The night I met him, he was talking at a gala dinner put on by my college and the way he spoke, of his journey and what he wanted for the future and the charity he represented...he had the whole room enthralled. We smashed our fundraising target that night and when I caught up with him to tell him how much I enjoyed his talk and expressed my interest in getting involved with the charity, told him ideas that I had, he listened to me. It didn’t matter that I was young and still finding my feet in terms of what I wanted for a career.’
‘Of course he would. Who wouldn’t? You’re clever, you’re beautiful, you’re inspiring, Olivia.’
I scoff. ‘Well, when you’ve grown up in a house where your father believes a girl’s place is in the home, it’s easy to lose sight of that. To my father, I was too masculine, too driven, too clever. But Nathan, he saw me as an equal.’
‘An equal?’ He scowls at me. ‘You bowed down to him.’
‘No, it wasn’t like that. I... I liked making him happy, I learnt from him. I wouldn’t be where I am now if it wasn’t for him.’
‘I think you give him too much credit.’
‘And you don’t give him enough,’ I say sharply, and bite my lip, look away. Because I don’t want to argue with him over Nathan. I’ve done enough battling it out with my sister over the years, her conviction that I saw Nathan as a father substitute making my skin crawl even now.
‘I don’t know, Olivia. It seems to me that you were craving the attention your father never gave you.’
‘Jesus!’ My eyes snap to his, so many thoughts, so much emotion rolling through me in waves. How could he? How could he and Fee?
But then, are they not right? Don’t you know that deep down? Isn’t that why it affects you so much?
I shake my head. No.
‘Just because he was so much older than me doesn’t mean I loved him out of some weird daddy complex.’
‘I didn’t say—’
‘Look, are you really
