But as of today, he’s dimming, and I can see it in his face.
I won’t look any weaker, though, because I’m not. My magic never falters. It never fades. It just changes.
“Happy equinox.” A hint of sadness softens his tone.
“Happy equinox. Tea?”
He nods, and I grab two mugs from the corner of the counter. Josh stands and gets dressed before sitting back down on the edge of the bed.
I can hear all the witches outside, welcoming autumn even though it’s the middle of the night. Josh watches me, his blue eyes following along as I make the tea.
I hand him a mug and sit on the chair beside the bed. Steam rises and swirls in the air between us.
“Hey, today’s your birthday, right?”
“It is,” I say. “How’d you know that?”
“Mr. Hart mentioned it.” He holds his mug up to me. “Happy birthday, Clara.”
“Thanks.” I give him a small smile, but I can’t meet his eyes.
Witches are born on the solstice or equinox, but no one knows what ties an Everwitch to all four seasons. I was born on the autumnal equinox and should be a regular autumn witch. Instead, something happened when I was born that turned me into this: someone who can barely look at the person she’s with because her feelings for him vanished in an instant.
“You weren’t exaggerating when you said you’d be different,” Josh says. His tone isn’t aggressive or mean, but it still feels like an insult. “Your demeanor, the way you hold yourself… You seem so closed off.”
I don’t say anything.
“What does it feel like?” he asks.
The question catches me off guard. “What does what feel like?”
“The change. Shifting from summer to autumn. All of it.”
No one has ever asked me about it before, not like this. Once it’s obvious I’m no longer interested, no one wants to stick around, and I don’t blame them. But Josh sounds genuinely curious.
“It’s jarring at first, like I was thrown from a hot tub into the ocean. Even though I know it’s coming, it’s hard to prepare for. My magic changes instantly; autumn magic isn’t as intense as summer, so everything slows down a bit. And I guess I slow down too. Whatever passion I had in the summer just seems to fade away.” I take a sip of tea and shift in my seat.
“Like me?” he asks.
“Exactly.”
He flinches and looks into his mug.
“I’m sorry, Josh.” My tone is gentle even though I’m screaming inside. I hate apologizing for who I am.
Or maybe I just hate who I am.
I’m not sure.
“Don’t worry about it,” he says. “After all, you did warn me.” His voice is casual and even, but when he smiles, he looks sad.
The sounds of laughter and singing float in through the open window. “Trust me, it’s better than the alternative.” As soon as I say the words, I wish I could take them back. He’s leaving tomorrow; he doesn’t need to know the parts of me I want to keep hidden.
“What do you mean?”
“You don’t want me to care about you.” I look out my window, but it isn’t the night sky I see. It’s Nikki. It’s my parents. I squeeze my eyes shut and force the images away.
Josh blows on his tea, even though it’s cool by now. “Your friend, right?” I guess everyone knows the rumors, even someone who got here three weeks ago.
I nod but say nothing. Nox jumps on my lap and looks at me, as if to ensure my affection for him hasn’t changed. I kiss him on his head, and he purrs.
“Anyway, you’re leaving tomorrow, so you don’t need to worry about it.” I let my voice lift, try to clear the air of the tension that has filled the room.
“For what it’s worth, I’ve had a great time these past few weeks. It was worth the fifty quid.”
“I’m sorry?”
“I bet a few of the guys that you’d still be into me after the equinox.” Josh laughs, but he sounds self-conscious. “Can’t win them all.”
A gross feeling starts in my stomach, and I drink some tea to calm it. “You made a bet about me?”
Josh meets my eyes, and his expression softens, as if he’s just now understanding how awful that sounded. “That came out wrong,” he says. “I just meant I had a great time with you. I really did.”
He reaches for my hand, but I pull away. “So great a time that you went to your friends and put money on it.”
“It was a stupid bet, that’s all. I’m really sorry, especially because I meant what I said.” Josh looks at the floor, and I don’t have the energy to stay upset.
I’m embarrassed enough as it is. But more embarrassing than the bet is the fact that he hurt my feelings. And I don’t want him knowing that.
“I had a good time with you too,” I finally say. “At least fifty quid worth.” The words sting on the way out, but Josh smiles.
“At least,” he agrees.
And just like I do at the end of every summer, I vow never to have another fling. Summer is the season I crave touch, crave the closeness of another person, and I’ve given into it for the past three years because it doesn’t matter. My feelings don’t last, so whoever I’m with is safe.
But over time, the fact that I change has started to feel like a curse, and I don’t want to do it anymore. Don’t want to see my own insecurities reflected in the eyes of whomever I’m with.
And sitting here now in autumn, seeing the disappointment on Josh’s face and forcing an apology from my lips, I know it wasn’t worth it.
I take Josh’s empty mug and stand just in time to see a flash of brilliant green light move across an otherwise black sky.
I stare out the window, and Josh comes and stands next to me.
It happens again.
“Did you see that?” I ask him.
“I saw it.” An edge creeps into his voice
