“You’re impertinent and don’t know how to bestow the respect due your elders.”
“Respect is given when it is earned. That’s what my mum and da taught me.” Maggie paused. “You lost any chance of earning our respect or of being a part of our family when you treated Aileen so terribly. When you tried to force her to marry a man she didn’t love. When you remained here, making her father want to move, because he couldn’t abide being anywhere near you.”
“You insolent hussy,” Janet hissed, as she took a step toward Maggie. “You will come to realize that you are the worthless member of the O’Rourke family. Unwed. Unchaste. Tainted goods. So afraid of her own shadow she can’t go anywhere in town unless she has an escort.” Janet made a derisive tsking sound. “The Bordello is too good a place for you. I wonder if Mr. Bell would even consider you acceptable as a Temptress.”
Maggie paled at Janet’s words, unable to hide her reaction to the woman’s spiteful proclamations. “My family will never throw me out.”
“Oh, they will. For you are a burden. And burdens become unbearable after a while.” She smiled meekly as Aileen bustled in. “Thank you for our scintillating conversation.” With a glare in her niece’s direction, she walked out.
Maggie blindly walked to the counter, setting the book on top of it. “She was attempting to steal a book.”
Aileen sighed. “You should have searched her petticoats too. I’m sure she had a few stuffed up there. I should have locked the door when I had to run to the privy.” She flushed with indignation and embarrassment. “I’m sorry, Maggie. Ignore whatever she said. She wouldn’t know the truth if struck by lightning.”
Forcing a weak smile, Maggie nodded and looked at Aileen. “How are you?”
“Much as I’ve always been.” She fidgeted under Maggie’s stare. “Nothing’s changed. I get my courses, every month like clockwork.”
“You’re not a failure, Aileen,” Maggie murmured.
“Tell that to my aunt,” she said, as she battled tears. “Aunt Janet believes Kevin will tire of a wife who can’t complete the most basic of wifely duties. And that no one would ever blame him. That I’m the failure.”
Maggie gripped her wrist and shook her head. “No, Aileen, no.” She paused as she took a deep breath. “Your aunt excels at exposing our worst fears and making them easy to believe with constant repetition. You know Kevin loves you and would never want another. You know it.”
Aileen nodded, staring soberly at Maggie. “Just as you know your family, none of us, will ever consider you a burden.” She met Maggie’s embarrassed gaze with a terse nod. “I heard the last bit of your conversation. If I’m to discredit her, so are you.”
Maggie sighed and ducked her head. “’Tis easier to give advice than to take it.” She looked at Aileen. “And not to believe your deepest fears.”
Aileen made a soothing sound, rushing around the counter to hold Maggie close. “All will be well. Give yourself time. You managed to leave the house today,” Aileen soothed. “It’s such a misfortune you had to see Aunt Davies on your first foray from the house.”
Maggie rested her head on Aileen’s shoulder, taking comfort from a woman she considered her sister. “Aye. I fear I’ve run out of good luck.”
* * *
Maggie stood at the back door of her parents’ house, staring at the open space and the bluffs in the distance. She shivered, as she recalled jostling up and down the road to those bluffs. Both times she had been unable to take in the passing scenery. She shivered once more, realizing she never wanted to ascend that road again. Looking around the kitchen, she understood that meant she would never leave Fort Benton. She’d be a prisoner here.
Her breathing hastening, she considered such a small life. Until she had been forced away with Jacques, she had never contemplated how constricted her life was, living with her parents and working with her mum. Now that Dunmore had again left to continue ferrying men around the Territory, she realized she would never be a full part of his life. She’d never go on adventures with him.
For, if she did, she’d be vulnerable again. Jacques could find her again. And, the next time, she might not escape.
She moved away from the door and sat at the table, her gaze unfocused, as she admitted to herself that, although she loved Dunmore, he deserved better than being burdened with a woman like her. A woman afraid of her own shadow. The thought of giving him up felt like she was tearing out her own heart, but she knew it was the only fair thing to do. She would never want to bind him to a woman like her. A coward. A woman unable to dream. A woman terrified of intimacy.
* * *
A few days later, A.J. poked his head into the kitchen, just as they were about to start supper. “I know I’m interruptin’, but I was hopin’ there’d be space for one more.” He grinned impishly, as he knew the O’Rourkes would always find space for him at their table.
After the hearty yells of welcome, he settled near Seamus, with Maggie to one side of him. “I’m to depart tomorrow mornin’, and I’m uncertain I’ll be back next year. I have to discuss things with my Bessie.”
Seamus sighed and shared a long look with the captain, who had become family to them all. “If you decide to remain closer to your wife, we’ll understand. Send us word?” At A.J.’s nod, Seamus relaxed. He took a bite of his stew, stilling from eating any more, when A.J. leaned in to speak with him.
“I know this ain’t the time to talk with you about such matters, but, with me leavin’, I don’t want to forget to tell you.” At Seamus’s
