Nikki grew frustrated with her continually evasive answers. She knew there was more to the story after hearing some of the argument between her and Paige earlier in the day, yet Alex refused to share. She stood abruptly and took the hotel key from the table, sliding it into her pocket. "I'm going to go take a walk. I'll be back in a little while." She ignored Alex's protest as she headed out the door.
As the door closed quietly behind Nikki, Alex leaned back against the headboard. She'd felt uneasy all afternoon because of Nikki's distant demeanor, and had hoped she was misreading things. With her sudden departure, it was evident that there was something bothering her. She waited for Nikki to return so they could talk. Time was running out on their mini vacation, and she still needed to find a way to tell her who she was. Several hours later, she cried herself to sleep still waiting.
The next morning, they were both quiet as they finished packing up their few belongings and loaded them into the car. She was quiet the entire ride home, speaking in short, clipped sentences when Alex asked her questions. As she pulled into the driveway, Nikki turned to her and said, "You can just drop me off here. I've got a few things I really need to take care of. Why don't you head over to get that leg checked out?" Before she could respond, Nikki opened the door, grabbed her bag, and headed for the house. With a heavy heart, she turned around and headed to the clinic for x-rays.
It was almost two hours later when Alex finally arrived home. She was exhausted from the poor night's rest and emotional turmoil of the last couple of days, and failed to notice Nikki's car wasn't in the driveway. She entered the house and carried her bag up the stairs to the master suite. As she entered the room she noticed the light on in the closet, and called out. When she didn't receive an answer, she walked over and looked inside. She immediately noticed the side Nikki had taken over was empty. All of her clothes and shoes were gone. She quickly searched the room, and found that every scrap of evidence proving Nikki lived here was gone. She felt her heart slowly breaking as she searched the house for any sign of her and found none.
She slowly climbed the stairs, dazed by the sudden severing of their relationship, and collapsed on her bed. She sat motionless for several minutes as she tried to digest the fact that Nikki was gone, and understand why. She looked around the room and felt the tears well up in her eyes when they came to rest on a piece of paper lying on her pillow. She reached over and gingerly picked it up, afraid of what was written on it. The tears spilled over and slowly ran down her cheeks as she read the letter.
Alex,
I'm a coward to have left when you were gone, but knew I wouldn't be able to face you, since you are my greatest weakness. I know this may be difficult to understand, but I love you. I just can't deal with the secrets and lies anymore. I'm tired of feeling like I'm the only one that doesn't know who you are. Complete strangers know more about you than I do. I refused to go behind your back to find out with the hopes that you would tell me yourself. Yet here we are nearly four months later, and you still refuse to tell me things. I can't take it anymore, I'm sorry. I wish you the best of luck, and hope that Rachel can help you. Please don't call. Good-bye, Alex. – Nikki
Alex clutched the letter to her chest as she openly wept, curling into a ball on the bed as she wondered how she was going to survive without Nikki in her life.
Nikki had been gone for several weeks and refused to return any of Alex's phone calls. She had finally resigned herself to the fact that she'd lost her, and was destined to be alone. The pain of losing her was unbearable, and seeing Dani made it worse. She slowly pushed Dani away as her pain overwhelmed her. She still saw Rachel professionally, but they never discussed Nikki or her family. Seeing Rachel reminded her of everything she'd lost, and it hurt too much to continue.
She cried when she made the decision to sever her professional relationship with Rachel. As she wept, she realized she needed to tell her story. There were people in the world that needed to know they were not the only one suffering through abuse. Maybe her story could help someone survive the hell they were in, and make it out the other side. She hoped it would help Nikki understand her as well, even if there was no chance of getting her back.
Alex brushed away her tears and headed into the office. She opened up her laptop, and ignoring her emails, began to write. While she'd never written a non-fiction story before, the words flowed from her fingertips. She was startled from her thoughts by a hand on her shoulder. She looked up through tear filled eyes into Rachel's concerned face, and blinked several times as she tried to focus.
"Alex, are you okay?"
She looked back down at her computer and saw she'd already typed several thousand words in just a few short hours. She saved the file and turned on the screen saver before turning back to Rachel. "I'm fine, Doc. Just writing some thoughts down." She watched as Rachel sat down in the old wingback chair in the corner. "I'm glad you're here." She pulled her checkbook from the drawer and quickly
