Rachel looked down at the check and nearly gasped at the amount. She tried to give it back, but Alex wouldn't take it. "I told you that you don't owe me for our sessions. Besides, this is far too much."
"Consider it a bonus then. The payment will help ensure the doctor patient confidentiality agreement is in place and will remain that way." She saw the hurt in Rachel's eyes and looked away. "Thank you for everything you've done for me. I appreciate it."
"Are you firing me?"
Alex's emotions welled up, and she swallowed hard around the lump in her throat. "This is our last session."
"Why?" Alex stood and walked out the door, leaving Rachel scrambling to follow. "Tell me, Alex. You owe me that much."
Alex turned and said, "Do you know why I don't want to see Lexi?" Rachel shook her head. "Because every time I look at her I see what my mother should be. Lexi, more than any of the others, reminds me of exactly what I lost." Her heart ached at the pain that was now evident in every fiber of Alex's being. "Do you know what I see when I look at you or Dani?" As understanding dawned in Rachel's eyes, she nodded. "Exactly. It hurts, Rachel, and I don't want to hurt anymore." She continued on towards the front door as she followed slowly behind.
"You've not lost us, Alex, we're still here and we still care about you."
Alex opened the front door and said, "Give Madison my love. Good-bye, Rachel."
Rachel heard the finality in her voice and fear gripped her, causing her heart to race. "Alex, please promise me you won't do anything stupid."
She gave Rachel a disparaging smile. "I do stupid things every day. I'm afraid that's a promise I just can't make."
"You know what I mean."
She nodded. "Yes, I know what you mean, and while I can't make any promises, I'm not thirteen anymore and have no intention of swallowing a handful of pills."
"Please, Alex," she pleaded as tears welled up in her eyes.
"I need to go, Rachel. I have a book to write." She placed a kiss on her cheek. "Good-bye." She stepped back inside the house and softly closed the door, sliding the deadbolt home as her heart broke once more. She shook off her sadness and headed back into her office to resume writing her story. A short time later the ringing of her telephone interrupted her. She was surprised when she looked at the caller ID and saw that it was Nikki.
"Hello."
"Alex. Why did you stop seeing Rachel? I really don't think that's a good idea right now. You need…"
She hung up the phone, and turned back to her book. When her phone immediately rang again, she turned it off. She was afraid the ache in her chest had become permanent, and knew that Nikki was the only one that could ease it. She also knew that Nikki wasn't ready to forgive her, and she wasn't ready to stop hiding yet. Maybe when the book was complete she would be ready. She only hoped Nikki would wait. With that thought in mind, she once again began writing.
Alex woke screaming from the nightmare that plagued her every time she fell asleep these days. It always started out the same, with her father killing her mother. Now each time her mother looked into the closet as she died, she morphed into Nikki. Knowing she'd never get back to sleep, she climbed from the bed and headed for the shower before getting back to work.
As she sat down and fired up her laptop, she noticed her phone and remembered she'd turned it off. She turned it back on and saw she had multiple missed calls from Nikki as well as several voicemails. She listened to them and heard the anger in her voice turn to fear as she asked Alex to let her know she was okay. Knowing she'd fall apart if she heard her voice again, she responded with a simple text message. 'I'M STILL ALIVE.' She set the phone down and pulled up her book so she could continue writing. As she began to type, her phone chirped announcing a new text message.
'THANK GOD. PLEASE TALK TO ME.'
Alex leaned back in her chair, her book forgotten as she read the message. "Oh baby, I wish I knew how." She was startled when the phone in her hand rang and felt it slipping from her fingers. She managed to trap it with her leg against the desk, and realized it stopped ringing when she finally managed to get it back in her hand. She looked at the screen to see who had called only to see that she'd inadvertently answered the call. "Hello?"
"I didn't think you were going to answer."
Alex was both elated and pained by the sound of Nikki's voice. "I almost didn't," she replied.
"I'm glad you did. I was worried about you."
She felt her hopes deflate as she realized the only reason Nikki called was because she was afraid she would hurt herself. "There is no need to be concerned, Nikki. I haven't tried to kill myself for a long time. I have no desire to try again. You can walk away with a clear conscience."
Nikki felt her anger rising. She blew her breath out forcefully before saying, "Damn it, Alex. You need –"
"I can't do this, Nikki. It hurts far too much. I'm sorry. Good-bye." She heard Nikki call her name as she hung up the phone, turning it off once again.
Alex cut herself off from the world. She immersed herself in her writing, spending hours at the computer, and only stopped to sleep when she could no longer see to write. She hardly ate, causing Maria to worry and fuss. After just a couple
