Alex changed out of her bikini and curled up in the middle of her bed. She looked over at the picture of Nikki and felt her heart breaking again. "What have I done?" Rolling over, she looked up at the ceiling. "I need help, Momma. I think I've pushed Nikki away, and I'm not sure she's going to come back to me." A single tear slid down the side of her face and into her hair. "I'm not sure if I can survive losing her again. It almost killed me the first time."
A memory of her sister flashed before her eyes. In it Raychel turned to a young Alex and said, 'If you really want it, then go get it. Don't wait for someone to just hand it to you, because no one will.' A smile slowly spread across her face as she whispered, "Thanks, Ray." She headed towards the kitchen to prepare lunch while she thought about how she was going to win Nikki back. Dani walked in just as she put a pot of water on the stove.
"What can I do to help?"
She lit the burner under the pot and adjusted the flame before turning to Dani. "I'd love it if you would set the table for me."
"No problem, just point me in the right direction." Alex pointed to the correct cupboards and Dani set to work. Within just a few minutes the table was set and lunch prepared. They all sat down around the table and quietly filled their plates.
"This looks and smells wonderful," Rachel said as she picked up her fork. "Thank you."
"I hope you enjoy it," Alex replied as she reached for a crostini.
"Oh my god, this is amazing." Dani closed her eyes and moaned. "You've got to teach me how to make this."
"If you like." She reached for her glass of water and took a drink as she watched Nikki push the food around her plate. "So, Nikki." She smiled gently when Nikki's eyes met hers. "Tell me about the woman you fell in love with." She heard Dani's fork clatter to her plate and her sharp intake of breath. Alex held Nikki's gaze as she said, "Nikki feels like I'm not who she thought I was. I want to know what it was that she fell in love with."
Nikki carefully placed her fork on the edge of her plate and leaned back in her chair. "Do you really want to do this here?"
"Why not? I asked them to come here to help us work through our issues. The only way they can do that is if they know what those issues are. They've heard mine, isn't it time they heard yours?"
"Fine." Nikki sat quietly for a moment before saying, "The woman I fell in love with was self-less, courageous, and strong. She wasn't afraid to step in front of a speeding car to save a child she didn't know, or open her home to complete strangers to mend their relationships. She was thoughtful and generous. Giving Dani and Rachel a romantic trip away when they couldn't afford it, even though she had to work multiple jobs to pay her bills." She paused as she reached for her glass.
Alex pushed her plate away, unable to touch her lunch. She reached for her water to keep her hands busy as she waited for her to continue.
Nikki took a deep breath and looked up. "She was honorable, private, and so stinking independent. There were times I wanted to do things for her but she just couldn't let me. Above all she was passionate and sensual. I think I lost my heart to her the first time she held my niece close and looked up at me with those beautiful blue eyes." She looked down at her plate as she picked up her fork.
Alex sat back and took a deep breath. "Tell me something, Nikki. What changed?" When she failed to respond Alex continued. "I've never thought of myself as self-less, courageous, or strong. I've always thought of myself as more of a survivor. I ran in front of that car because I wouldn't have been able to live with myself if something had happened to that beautiful little girl and I could have stopped it. For such a private person, was writing that book for the world to see any less self-less, courageous, or strong?" Her hands shook as she lifted her glass to her lips.
"I had to get my story out there, first and foremost so that you would understand, and to help other girls and women get through abusive situations. To let them know that they are not alone." She looked down as she ran her finger through the ring her glass left on the table. "I am no less generous now than I was five months ago. I am far more generous than you ever thought." She looked back up at Nikki and asked, "How have I changed? Why am I not the person you thought you knew?"
When Nikki failed to answer after several minutes of silence, she pushed away from the table. "Excuse me. I think I need some air." She walked out the back door, hopped over the low wall, and disappeared into the rows of grapevines.
"Nikki –"
"Don't start with me, Dani."
Dani held her hands up. "Easy, sis. I was just going to ask if you were okay."
Nikki's shoulders slumped. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to snap at you." She looked over into Dani's eyes and saw understanding. "I just feel so betrayed."
Rachel reached over and placed a hand on Nikki's where it rested on the table. "Has Alex really changed or is it just your view of her that has changed?"
"She made her point quite clearly. She hasn't changed, not really." She sighed and shook her head. "I guess that means my opinion of her changed. How can I trust her to be honest with me?" She looked up at Rachel with a frown. "How can you?"
Rachel pulled her hand
