My suggestion to go to New Zealand surprised Dad. For a while he didn’t know what to say, just a long eeegh, an unusual response for him, but in the end he didn’t seem to have any objections. He nodded, which made me feel so relieved. What would I have done to persuade him, if he’d said no?
“Why New Zealand?”
I had an answer ready. “Have you heard of the Animal and Environmental Protection Association?”
He looked confused. “Yeah. Aren’t they the ones you donate to?”
“That’s right.” I put on my most passionate look. “In about a month and a half they’re organizing a climate change conference there. It’ll be a big event, and it’s open to the public. They’ll have big names from all around the world speaking, and fighting for new laws. I’d like to go, you know how important the environment is to me…”
“Why am I only hearing about this now?” He frowned. “It must have been in the works for ages…”
You have no idea… Along with spreading the plague, The Collective had also planned out several excuses to get the chosen people to New Zealand, and the conference was one of them.
“I’d heard about it a while back,” I lied unwillingly. “I thought I wasn’t gonna go because it’s abroad, but in the end I changed my mind. I don’t want to go alone, so if you and Ruby join me, we can make a holiday out of it. We can relax, explore the place, and I’ll attend the conference. I’ll get some rest from work, spend quality time with you two…”
As I was speaking Dad raised his hands, chuckling. “You don’t need to convince me, I’m in!”
I sighed in relief and smiled back at him. “Alright then. I’ll talk to the sergeant and see how many days off he can give me. I’ll get the tickets.”
Just then there was a knock at the door and I jumped. I immediately pictured Mark standing there, or someone else from The Collective, for a check up or something.
I was completely incapable of movement. Dad had no such qualms, going to open the door. I counted three heartbeats before a familiar face showed up in the entrance.
“Emma,” Dad exclaimed happily and turned to me with questioning eyes. “I didn’t know you were coming over!”
I shrugged and let him think I’d forgotten to mention it. The truth was that our weekend plans had totally slipped my mind. I didn’t particularly feel like going anywhere either, to be honest I’d have much rather started researching plane tickets and the itinerary for the beginning of our New Zealand trip. After all, I couldn’t very well ask Dad and Ruby to just sit quietly in the safety of their hotel room until the world declares a state of emergency.
“I won’t keep you long, Frank,” she said sweetly and quickly kissed him on the cheek. The two of them had always got along. It was strange that Dad missed the flash of sadness in her eyes when she turned to me. “I just came over to pick Connie up, we’re going for a drink.”
I frowned. “Wasn’t that supposed to be tomorrow?”
“I didn’t feel like waiting.” She shrugged and took a deep breath. Was she also forcing herself to stay calm?
“I’ll just get my bag,” I said after a moment and went to the bedroom. I changed from my casual jeans and a long-sleeved t-shirt while listening to the two of them chatting.
Afterwards in her car Emma and I just stuck to small talk. When we got to my friend’s favourite bar–”It’s stylish and the drinks don’t cost a fortune!”–and sat down at a small table in the back corner, I finally told her everything about my cancer.
“Frank doesn’t know, does he?”
“No,” I said quietly and felt a sudden weight on my chest, as if I was being smothered by a buffalo.
“Why the hell not?”
“I can’t hurt him. Not yet,” I added when I saw my friend open her mouth to protest. “He’s been going through a really tough time and I can’t make it even worse. I guess it doesn’t make sense, but I just can’t do it yet. I… I don’t want him to look at me like I’m a walking corpse. I want as much time with him to be normal, without us breaking into tears, thinking about how much I have left, and…”
A panic attack stopped me from talking. I only had to think about the moment of truth and my entire body was fighting against it with all its might. Emma then did probably the best thing she could. She hugged me until I regained control over myself.
“You see? This is exactly it. You know I’m dying, you pity me and I react with tears. And that’s exactly what I want to avoid with Dad, for as long as possible.”
We then spent a long time talking about my diagnosis, the previous hospital visits, my feelings, nausea and chest pains.
After a while she tilted her head as a new idea suddenly occurred to her. “Do you have a bucket list?”
I wiped my eyes and nose. “What?”
“I hope it’s not too forward to ask. Or too morbid.” She looked unsure. “I was just wondering if you have a list of things you’d like to experience, before…”
“Of course I do,” I replied. To get rid of eight billion people certainly wasn’t one of the items, but… “I want to go to New Zealand. Explore, enjoy nature, learn a bit more about the Maori culture.”
If I talk about it often enough, maybe I’ll convince myself that that is the only reason for my visit.
“That sounds nice,” she smiled sadly. “What
