The ring steward waved me on and I pushed my pony on, cantering around the arena. It was busy, the waves of crowds lined up behind the rope, some sat with picnic blankets others with foaming beer in hand. This was the county show, a win here was a stepping stone to bigger and better things. I imagined how I looked, my immaculate hacking jacket, the Pony Club tie and brilliant white jodhpurs finished with my polished boots. I knew that my mother despaired that I could so easily prepare for a show and look handsome, but would look a mess in school uniform. I tried to make her understand, this was my passion, this was my life.
I had plans. Schoolwork was irrelevant, I was going to keep improving my riding, maybe get a working pupil position with one of the great riders, one of the Olympic show jumpers who would take me under their wing as their new protégé. From there, owners would fall over themselves to give me their best horses to ride, I would rise up through the ranks. The local, national and international events and then, of course, Olympic gold, team and personal, naturally.
People at school didn’t understand, they laughed, said that riding was for girls. However, I knew. I was an athlete and focused on my goal. This was a stepping stone, these people would look back and think ‘I remember that day’. When I have my front cover of Horse and Hound, youngsters looking up to me, then I will know that this would have been worth it.
Concentration, I bring myself back to the moment, blocking out everything but the fences and my horse. I know the course, I know what to do. The bell rings and I turn. Fence one, it’s a simple starter two red and white crossed poles, simple. I push on and we clear it with ease, but calm, it’s a tight turn into fence two a spread, somewhat more challenging, wider and more daunting but still, nothing we haven’t done before. I count the strides. Three, two, one and we are over. Onto the next, a vertical. I know he has pulled out of these before so I maintain the impulsion, a half halt to calm his pace and get the stride right before we pounce and clear it with room to spare.
There’s a ripple of applause, obviously, we are looking good, but I bring myself back to the ring. Concentration is everything. The gate is forth, turn, stride and jump. Clear, we are getting there. Onto a double upright, this is painfully open with space to run out if I don’t concentrate. I am visualising my strides, counting them in my mind as I clear the first, two strides and then over the second element before turning quickly towards the water jump. It’s a simple Liverpool under an upright, it shouldn’t be a challenge but almost every other rider has had a pole down here. I pull back, slow the pace and we are clear.
A quick turn and then down the straight, there is a double oxer against the rope. We approach, a small dog charges across my line, I pull up as it rushes away as the audience gasp but I kick on, and with a cat leap we are over the first element. The strides are out, but I have confidence and we clear it.
It’s a final race to the cross pole to finish, half halt and we are over. There is applause and cheering, I hear my name called over the Tannoy and I know I have done it. The only rider clear. I see my sister, I am sure she will be jealous of my performance, but I was always the better rider.
I wave as I leave the ring. To me, this is Olympia and Hickstead all rolled into one, not just a county show. I have ambition and drive. There’s nothing that can stop me.
39
Waiting Time
“He looks so peaceful.” Kate looks up to me, she promised to be brave but we both want to cry, I feel tears pricking my eyes. She reaches down and touches his hand.
“Adam… I love you.” Oh God, that sets me off, I fumble for tissues and wipe my eyes. Kate looks away but I see her shoulders shuddering. I sit down and take his hand. “Adam…” Oh God, what do I say? There is so much to say, but. “Do you think he can hear us?”
The nurse looks up from her clipboard. “I like to think they can.”
“How long will he stay this way?” Her look tells me all I need to know, the way she breaks her eye contact, the gentle cough. She puts down the clipboard.
“Be strong, your brother has been through a lot. The extreme cold shut down his metabolism. In a way, it was that which saved his life, it stopped some more serious damage, however, his heart had been stopped for some time, his brain and organs were starved of oxygen, that is why he’s in this state now. This is his bodies way of starting the recovery process. Talk to him, hold his hand, make sure he knows that you’re here with him.”
“Will he…” The nurse cut me short.
“Let’s take each day as it comes. It’s hard to tell what will happen. We understand that your life has to go on, but spend what time you can with Adam. Just know that we will always be here for him and you are welcome to come and go as you please.”
After another hour we left, thanking the nurses, I wasn’t ready to go back straight away so we stepped into the coffee shop in the hospital lobby. I sat opposite Kate who was toying with her tea, dipping the spoon
