Nothing could have prepared me for seeing Adam, his eyes were sunken, his hair lank. The oversized prison sweatshirt made him look thin, almost gaunt. He sat down opposite me, I had to bite my lip to stop myself from crying.
“Hello, Sis…”
“Adam…” I sniffed. Come on girl, hold it together. I told myself. “How are you doing?”
“Crap…” He snorted. “I didn’t do it…”
“I know… Oh Adam, of course, I know you couldn’t do something like that.”
“How’s Kate doing?”
“She’s coping, just. This is tough on her, but she is tough. Adam… Why didn’t you allow Kate to …?”
“Why didn’t I ask her to see me festering in prison? Is that what you were about to ask? Amanda, this is horrible. I can’t put her through this.”
“But she needs you, she’s beside herself with worry… Adam, let her see you.”
“Sis, I need you to give her a message.”
“Yes?”
“I want a divorce.”
* * *
I stared at the clock. The yard was quiet but I knew this was well past the time that Amanda would have seen Adam. She had said she would call as soon as she left, but that had been hours ago. Had there been an issue, Oh God, had she been involved in an accident? There was a sound, someone calling out from the back door. I stood up, walking through I saw Amanda standing on the doorstep.
“Come in… Oh, Amanda…” I ran towards her, grabbing her in a hug. “How was he? … Tell me is Adam coping?”
“Kate, let’s sit down.”
Amanda pulled out one of the dining room chairs, gesturing for me to sit before she busied herself in the kitchen, boiling the kettle and finding mugs.
“Amanda, I don’t want tea, please just tell me, how was Adam?”
She ignored me, still facing the kitchen units, filling the mugs and bringing them to the table before she finally sat down opposite me, staring into my eyes. Her eyes were red, I could tell she had been crying, so had I.
“Tell me…”
She sighed. “He’s not good Kate, look, he’s not thinking straight…”
“Why won’t he let me see him?”
“Kate…”
* * *
“Adam what the fuck!” I cried out, one of the guards looked up, starting to walk towards me. I looked around at the other visitors staring my way. I waved my hands in apology. Leaning into the table. “What do you mean? You want a divorce…?” I hissed.
“I didn’t kill that girl. I liked her, she was driven, but she was starting to realise, I think she could have got better… But I’ve read what the papers are saying about me, I’ve seen the news reports. No one believes I didn’t kill her. The police have their case sewn up. I’m going to go to court and I’ll be sent down for at least twenty years or more. Twenty years Sis, that’s my whole life. I can’t let Kate wait twenty years for me. I told you before, I love her enough to let her go. It’s the only thing I can do…”
“But Adam… You’re innocent, you’ll get off. The justice system is on your side…”
“Ha! … Yeah right. Maybe you don’t understand. The police aren’t looking for anyone else. I’ve been stitched up; they have a video of me getting a pitchfork. No, not ‘a pitchfork’, the pitchfork which killed her. They found my chain in Olivia’s hand. There was nobody else there… Shit! Maybe I did do it? … Perhaps I’ve just blanked it out in my mind… Sis, I’m fucked! I’m even doubting myself now. There is nothing you can do. Kate has to forget me. Hell, she’s only known me for a year, she can move on. Tell her, I’ll sign everything over to her. The stables, the farmhouse, she can have everything and she needn’t see me again. I’m not going to ruin her life as well as my own.
Please, let her forget me. I’m going to die here… No… That’s not a cry for help, I’m going to fester away. Whoever steps out of prison in twenty years’ time will be a different man. It won’t be the man Kate married; a whole lifetime will have passed. What the hell will happen to me? A lifetime in prison and, when I get out, I’ll always be that man who killed a girl in cold blood. Kate deserves so much better than that…
Dry your eyes, Sis. This is the last time I’ll see you also… No… Please. Don’t make this worse for me, I want you to all move on and forget me. Live your lives. Don’t be tied down by me. You have your own life, you and Dan. He doesn’t need to be associated with a murderer. I am sorry. I don’t know what happened, why I’m here or what will happen to me… But I am sorry for ruining everything.”
“Adam, you can’t do this to Kate… It’ll kill her…”
“And making her wait won’t? Making her come to court to see me convicted, making her live with the whispers on social media and in the press, the lies and accusations. What the hell will this do to the business? Nobody will send their kids for riding lessons with the murderers’ wife. And then make her come to prison every month, to see me, trapped here… No… This is for the best.”
“Adam…”
“Amanda, I brought you here to tell you this, not to
