“I don’t understand,” I said, because I didn’t. He had what he wanted and could move on to his next assignment. What did he still need me for?
“I know you think this was all a cover, but you couldn’t be further from the truth.”
I put my hand to his chest, applying pressure. He didn’t move back an inch but rather leaned into my touch, closing his eyes. I sat, mesmerized by his beauty, intoxicated by his smell. If he kept this up, I would forget he ever broke my heart.
“Are you saying you didn’t hook up with me because of my connection to Jim?”
He opened his eyes, stepping closer. I let out an undignified squeak, not sure my emotions would be able to withstand this conversation. He looked like he was in pain and I was his remedy.
And then I finally understood what this was all about. He was a good guy. I’d always known it; the girls at the club had said the same thing to me. And he was trying to soften the blow. Let me down easy. It was time I acted like the adult society deemed me to be instead of the heartbroken fool I really was.
“I loved our time together, and it’s no secret I’m attracted to you. It’s not something I can just switch off. But don’t worry, I’ll get over it eventually. I want you to know I forgive you and I understand. It was a job, and one you did well,” I said, the words tasting like poison on my tongue.
Sebastian shook his head and lifted one hand behind my back, the other into my hair. “Nora, I—”
I couldn’t stand to hear how he enjoyed our time together or something equally as painful. “Don’t feel guilty. And for the love of all you hold dear, don’t stick around because of it. I don’t ever want to be someone’s second choice. Or worse, a charity case. I have great memories I’ll cherish forever. Don’t turn this into something it’s not.”
He pulled me closer. “Nora, listen to me—”
“Stop trying to be the good guy. Not everyone gets their happily ever after, and I’m a big girl. I’ll be okay. Find your person, Sebastian, and don’t settle for anything less. I think—”
He put his hand over my mouth and stopped me from continuing my bullshit speech. It hurt to even say the words and to give him absolution.
“Shut up,” he growled. “I’m not going anywhere. Not because I feel guilty about what happened between us but because I fucking love you. I nearly lost my mind when I found out you were connected to Jim. The only reason I never approached you until I had no choice was because I tried to keep you out of his mess.”
Well, that’s not what I thought he was going to say.
His hand was still over my mouth, making it impossible for me to respond.
“Do you really think I’ll let you kick me out that easily? I’m a stubborn bastard and hard to get rid of when I see something I want. And newsflash, baby, you’re the only thing I want.”
Now he’d gone and done it. I was speechless, my eyes wide, my hands clenching into fists on his shirt. He dropped his hand from my mouth and stepped between my legs, which automatically widened to accommodate him.
When I didn’t kick him in the nuts, he must have deemed it safe to proceed, and he pressed close and his mouth found mine. I felt crippling relief at his lips on mine. I thought I would never again experience the sensation of completeness that seemed to come with his touch.
He pulled back slightly and spoke against my lips, each brush melting me further. “You are everything to me.”
I leaned closer, not finding the right words, my mind going into overdrive.
“I heard about Jim being here too late to do anything about the raid,” Sebastian explained. “I thought you were safe with Gears watching the house. I never thought Jim would be so ballsy as to knock him out.”
“I’m not blaming you for Jim getting arrested at my house or for me getting taken to the police station,” I replied, meaning it.
No matter how much I looked for more things I could blame on him so I could hang on to my anger, this wasn’t one of them.
I let out a deep breath, overwhelmed with today, overwhelmed with Sebastian sitting right next to me, and really just overwhelmed with life.
“You lied to me,” I said, my whisper cutting through the heavy silence. “You used me. And worst of all, you broke my heart. I don’t even know your real name.”
I still couldn’t believe he really wanted to be with me. Our kiss should never have happened. I was sending mixed signals and hated myself for it. I wasn’t one to play games. What you saw was what you got with me. But when it came to Sebastian, I seemed to jump right onto the crazy train. Especially if he made all my dreams come true by telling me he loved me.
“Sebastian is my middle name. My first name is Lincoln. But I’ve grown to love it when you call me Sebastian.”
I stared at him, not sure what to respond and he took it as his cue to continue.
“I’m sorry for how things went down, but I’m not sorry for what happened between us. I stayed away from you for a year. And a man only has so much self-control when everything he ever wanted is right in front of him.”
Oh God, did he really just say that?
Oblivious to my inner turmoil, he took my hand. “How can I make you trust me again?”
“I don’t know,” I said, studying his beautiful face, wincing at the pain shining in his eyes. “But I need to think. Can you give me some time?”
He lifted my hand and pressed his lips to the back. “I can do that.”
I stood
