She thought back to the few moments she’d had with Erik at the hospital after Luke had come to tell her that her husband was dying. Alert for just a heartbeat, he’d turned that gentle, understanding gaze of his on her.
“Be happy, Jessie,” he’d whispered, clutching her hand in his.
“Not without you,” she’d insisted, as the life slowly seeped from his body with each weakening beat of his heart.
He’d squeezed her hand fiercely. “Tell him, Jessie.” Then more emphatically, he’d said, “Tell Luke.”
At first she hadn’t realized what he meant. “What?” she’d pleaded. “Tell Luke what?”
He’d struggled for air, then managed to choke out two words. “Love him.”
“Of course, I will tell him that you love him,” she’d soothed, caressing his cheek.
He’d smiled faintly at that. “Not me. You.”
Remembering how stunned she’d been, how consumed with guilt, Jessie thought no man had ever displayed more love, more generosity than Erik when he’d clung to her hand and said, “‘S okay, Jessie.”
“Oh, Erik, forgive me,” she’d pleaded.
That sweet smile spread across his face one last time. “Nothing to forgive,” he’d whispered. “I love you.”
She gazed across the table at Luke and wondered how much she should tell him about Erik’s final words. Would they free him to love her?
Or, as they had with her, would they merely renew his own deeply ingrained sense of guilt? Knowing that Erik had guessed how they felt about each other, even if neither of them had ever acted on those feelings, was a heavy burden. She could attest to that. It had driven her from White Pines.
In the end she kept silent and the moment to confide passed.
“You’re not in love with me,” Luke said sharply, cutting into her reverie.
Jessie’s head snapped up. She almost choked on the bubble of hysterical laughter that formed in her throat. He seemed to think by saying it enough, he could make it true.
“Lucas, that is not for you to say.”
He slammed his glass of wine onto the table with so much force, it was a wonder the crystal didn’t shatter. Wine splashed in every direction. He glared at her. “I won’t have it, do you understand me?”
She gave him a compassionate look. “Maybe you can control your feelings, maybe you can sweep them under the carpet and pretend they don’t exist, but you can’t do the same with mine. I won’t allow that.”
His expression turned thunderous. “You won’t allow it?” he repeated slowly.
Jessie held her ground. “They’re my feelings.”
“They’re crazy.”
She shrugged. “Maybe so. In fact, at this precise moment, I’m almost certain you’re right about that. I would have to be crazy to fall in love with such a mule-headed male.” She gave him a resigned look. “But, then again, there’s no accounting for taste when it comes to matters of the heart.”
She watched Luke’s struggle to get a grip on his temper. In a perverse sort of way, she almost enjoyed it.
“Jessie, be reasonable,” he said with forced patience. “It’s not me you’re in love with. It’s the family. I’m taking care of that.”
She went perfectly still. “You’re taking care of that?” she repeated carefully. “What exactly does that mean? Did you suggest Harlan and Mary adopt me? What?”
A dull red flush climbed up Luke’s neck. “No, I...um, I spoke with a private investigator.”
Stunned, she just stared at him. Dear heaven, it was worse than she thought. “About?”
He winced at her curt tone. “It was supposed to be a surprise.”
“Tell me now.” She bit off each word emphatically. She couldn’t think when she’d ever been so furious. He’d denied that this had anything to do with his family. So, if she was interpreting all of the stuttered hints and innuendoes correctly, he had decided to get himself off the hook with her by presenting her with her biological parents. Definitely a tidy solution from his point of view. “What exactly is this investigator investigating?”
Luke heaved a sigh. “He’s looking for your mother.”
At one time that announcement would have thrilled her. She would have leapt from the table and thrown her arms around him for being so thoughtful. Now all she felt was empty. He was expecting her to trade her very real, very deep love for him for a stranger’s possible affection. Couldn’t he see it wasn’t the same at all?
He seemed genuinely puzzled by her lack of response. “I thought this was what you wanted. You said... You told me how much you’d wanted to find your biological family.”
“I did. I still do,” she said wearily. When she could manage it without weeping, she met his gaze. “But not if it’s going to cost me you.”
The instant the words were out of her mouth, she ran from the room. Upstairs in her suite, she sent Lara away and took Angela in her arms.
“Can’t he see it, angel? Can’t he see that the two of you are the only family I need?”
Well, that had certainly gone well, Luke thought in disgust. Maybe he was every bit as bad as Harlan, trying to manipulate lives and control feelings. He’d only wanted to give Jessie the possible—her real family—to make up for the fact that he could never give her the impossible—himself.
After apologizing to Maritza for spoiling the meal she’d worked so hard to prepare, he slowly climbed the stairs. His thoughts were in turmoil... again.
What could he say to Jessie to make her see that it wouldn’t work? No matter how badly he wanted her, no matter how much she professed to love him, Erik would always be between them. There would never be a
