Surely, he thought, he and Kelly felt some of those same things. Maybe he’d just never put a label to them before. Maybe he’d repeatedly come back to west Texas, back to her, because he knew that with her he felt whole as he did with no one else on earth. Was that love?
He’d called himself in love with Rexanne and with others before her. He’d tacked the label on his feelings, because it seemed to be expected. But whatever emotions he’d felt then now seemed pale in comparison to the depth of what he felt when he was with Kelly and with Dani. He felt passion with Kelly, but he also felt a rare contentment, the kind that would endure. It was that, he knew, that had drawn him back to her.
Maybe he could say he loved her and say it in all honesty. Damn, but it was complicated, though. He didn’t want to lie to her about something this important. He didn’t want her to marry him under false pretenses. He’d been fooled before by love. So had she. He didn’t want to make a mistake like that again, especially not with Kelly. She deserved only words he could back up with total conviction. One man like Paul Flint was more than any woman deserved.
It would be easy enough to say what she expected, to utter those three little words that would end this stalemate, but would it be fair? Would it be honest, when he was filled with so many doubts and questions?
He resolved to his regret that it would not be. If she accepted his proposal, it would have to be with the understanding that his feelings were still unclear, even to him. She would have to say yes knowing that while the commitment was as solid as granite, his emotions were more like quicksand, riddled with uncertainty.
He spotted her off in the distance just then, the sun glistening off her hair, the hat she wore only under duress dangling around her neck. Dani was seated on the saddle in front of her, a tiny cowboy hat perched on her head, her short legs clinging to the sides of the horse. Something inside him melted at the sight of them. If what he felt wasn’t love, it was something darned close to it.
Dani saw him first and waved. “Hi, Jordan,” she shouted, the greeting carrying on the still, hot, dry air.
Kelly’s head snapped up. She was obviously startled to see him riding toward them. “I thought you’d be long gone by now,” she said when he neared.
There was an uneasiness in her eyes that he deeply regretted. He knew he’d put it there with all of his pushing. Yet he knew this was too critical to their future for him to back off.
“I still have a very important matter pending,” he said, his gaze even with hers and unrelenting.
She seemed to squeeze Dani a little more tightly against her body, the protective instinct of a mother with her endangered child. Or was it the mother who felt endangered in this instance?
“Jordan, this isn’t the time,” she said briskly, warning him to silence with a glance at Dani, then adding pointedly, “I have work to do.”
“And I’ll help,” he promised. “But you have to break for lunch sometime. Why not now? I see the perfect spot over there under that old cottonwood.” He gestured toward the basket he’d filled with sandwiches and ice-cold lemonade. “I brought a picnic.”
“With potato salad?” Dani asked, oblivious to the undercurrents between the two adults. “And peanut butter and jelly?”
“You bet,” he said, relieved that he’d thought of a child’s tastes and included the peanut butter and jelly. “Cookies, too.”
Kelly shook her head. “At this rate, you’re going to win by default,” she accused, relenting and turning her horse toward the shady spot to the west. “The ranch will fall apart because the work’s not getting done, then where will I be?”
“You’ll always have a place with me.” He gazed directly into Kelly’s eyes again as he set Dani down and sent her off to unpack the picnic basket. “Would it be so awful?” he asked when Dani was out of hearing.
A glint of determination flashed in her eyes. “Under those circumstances? Yes,” she said without hesitation. “I told you that fixing this place up is important to me.”
Jordan couldn’t help admiring the streak of pride that kept her focused on making a go of this ranch entirely on her own, even if it was making his task a whole lot harder. “Then I’ll just have to help ensure that it doesn’t fall apart, won’t I?”
She frowned. “We’ve been over this already. I won’t take your money, Jordan.”
“How about my help?” he retorted softly.
She hesitated, then sighed. “No rancher ever turns down an offer of help,” she said. “As long as there are no strings attached.”
“No strings,” he assured her. Just when she appeared to relax slightly, he added, “For now.”
Kelly was losing the battle. Every time she turned around all week long, Jordan was there, offering support, muscle and laughter. Every night Dani crawled into his lap after dinner and begged to be told a story about when he and her mother were little like her. Jordan seemed to enjoy the reminiscing almost as much as Dani did.
Even the old tomcat had turned traitor. He’d taken to curling up at Jordan’s feet, purring loudly whenever Jordan deigned to rub his stomach.
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