Though he’d obviously meant the words to be positive, she felt oddly deflated, as if he valued the professional over the personal. And, if that was the case, she despaired of them ever reaching common ground.
Luke had no idea what he’d said or done, but a light had died in Moira’s eyes while they were on the way to Sally’s. She went through the motions of eating her lunch but left most of her sandwich on her plate and, when the time came for dessert, she turned down the banana split she’d claimed to want.
Though he thought he was used to her mood swings, this one felt different. While he waited for Sally to bring their check, he tried to get Moira to meet his gaze.
“Mind telling me where you’ve gone off to in that head of yours?” he asked. “One minute we were celebrating and then you turned quiet. You’ve hardly said two words during lunch.”
She responded with a smile that was obviously forced. “Sorry. I suppose the pressure of everything that happened sank in.”
“What sort of pressure? Has Megan put you on a timetable? You can always tell her to back off if it’s too much.”
“No, it’s just all these expectations. I thought it was awful when nobody thought I was ever going to accomplish anything. Now that someone thinks I have this previously undiscovered talent, I feel as if I have to start taking myself seriously.”
“I’m confused,” Luke admitted. “Don’t you want to succeed?”
“Doesn’t everyone?” she said, though there was an oddly bitter note in her voice.
“Apparently not you, if your tone is anything to judge by,” he said, completely at a loss about her change in attitude from just a half hour ago. “You sound as if it’s this huge burden that’s been placed on you, when you should be dancing with sheer joy. You were, just a short time ago.”
“And then reality set in, I suppose. I know it makes no sense to you. The pub is your dream.”
“It wasn’t always,” Luke said. “I had no sense of direction not that long ago.”
“And neither did I,” she said. “But you seem to have latched onto the dream and are intent on riding it full throttle. I think maybe I’m just used to a slower pace. The speed of this has me reeling.”
“I’m sure it does,” he said, because that was a feeling he could understand. He’d watched members of his family get swept up in things, so he’d been prepared for the wave of exhilaration that had come with the pub’s opening weekend success. Moira was clearly more used to failures, had even come to accept that failing was all she deserved.
“Are you feeling as if you don’t deserve this?” he asked, still trying to understand. “Because obviously, based on Megan’s reaction to your talent, you do.”
She sighed. “I honestly don’t know what I’m feeling right now. Would you mind terribly if I left and went for a walk? That usually clears my head.”
Though he wanted her to stay so he could get to the bottom of this, he gestured toward the door. “Go, if that’s what you need.”
“There’s nothing you need me for at the pub?”
“Nothing that won’t wait,” he assured her. “Will you come back after your walk?”
She hesitated. “Maybe we should take a break, just for tonight.”
Luke frowned at the suggestion. “Okay, though I’m suddenly getting the feeling here that your mood has as much to do with me as it does with your future in photography.”
She sighed. “It probably does,” she admitted.
“If that’s the case, then you need to stay right here and spell it out for me, Moira. Let’s deal with it head-on.”
She gave him what might have been the saddest smile he’d ever seen. “I don’t think this is something that can be fixed, Luke. I really don’t. Certainly not with a chat or a snap of the fingers.”
“Just tell me and let me decide if it can or can’t be,” he said in frustration.
“Okay,” she said. “You’ve once again made the assumption that a career is the only thing that matters, is the only thing that measures the worth of a person. I don’t think like that at all.”
“I never said it was the only thing that matters,” Luke protested. “It’s important. There’s no denying that, maybe more so for a man than a woman.”
She frowned. “I imagine there are a few in your own family who’d take exception to that statement.”
“Probably so,” he agreed readily. “More important, though, is whether you’re one of them. How do you feel about this? Do you not understand why I want to succeed with the pub?”
“Of course I understand. You feel you owe Nell for her faith in you, for one thing. For another, you’re holding yourself up to the O’Brien gold standard of accomplishment. Success is what matters, no matter what the personal cost.”
Luke regarded her with shock. “I’ve never said such a thing. Nor do I think that way. Don’t you suppose I can recall what thinking like that cost Uncle Mick? He lost Megan and made things difficult for all my cousins by being so committed to his career above all else. He thought he was working so hard for his family, but it was really all about feeding his own ego, I think. I’m not doing that.”
“Perhaps not, but what you have said is that until you’ve attained whatever constitutes success by your standards, everything else remains on hold.”
“By everything, you mean a wife and family,” he guessed, finally making sense of where this whole afternoon had gone off course.
She nodded. “And that’s the very difference between us, Luke, because for me the only thing that really matters is family.”
She
