“And you think I’m withholding the cake,” he said quietly.
She nodded. “And it scares me, not because you say you’re not ready for anything more now—I could handle that—but because I’m terrified that you never will be.”
Luke wanted to reassure her that wasn’t the case, but how could he? Work was his priority for now. He didn’t have an end date for that. He had no measure for when his feelings might change. Would it happen when the pub had been successful for six months? Or a year? How could he predict something like that? He simply knew he’d recognize the moment when it came, just as Matthew had known Laila was the woman for him and Susie had fallen in love with Mack and spent years waiting for him to return her feelings. Was that what he expected from Moira, that she’d wait quietly until he was ready? He knew better, or should.
Or, and this was the real rub, was his hesitation because he didn’t trust his feelings for Moira, at least not enough to act on them? Gram had told him often enough to listen to his heart. He’d thought he was. But if he kept pushing Moira away, refusing to make promises, maybe that wasn’t the case. All he knew for sure was that his indecision was hurting her, and that wasn’t fair.
“I’m sorry,” he said quietly. “I wish I could tell you what you want to hear. I can only say that there’s no one else I’d rather have in my life right now. You matter to me, Moira, in so many ways, but if that’s not enough for you, I’ll understand.”
She looked shocked that he’d put it so bluntly, offered her the chance to walk away. He held his breath, waiting to hear her verdict, because it was her decision to make. He prayed she’d have the same patience as Susie, but he also knew they were two different women. There was nothing patient about Moira.
A tear spilled down her cheek. “It’s not enough,” she said, her voice barely above a whisper. “It’s not nearly enough, when we could have so much more.”
And before he could blink or apologize or beg her to stay and reconsider, she was gone.
Luke sat in stunned silence, realizing immediately that without a doubt, he’d just made the worst mistake of his life. The only problem with seeing that was that he also had absolutely no idea what he could have done differently.
19
Moira couldn’t believe what she’d just done! She’d taken Luke at his word and walked away. How had her fears overtaken her last shred of sense? That was the only thing that could explain what had just happened. She’d panicked, seen the future unfolding and herself being in this exact same position months, maybe even years, from now, waiting for Luke to be ready for a family.
Even as tears rolled down her cheeks and she walked faster and faster back toward Nell’s until her breath was catching in her throat, she was still stunned that it had ended so easily. This was the man she loved, the man she wanted as a husband, as a father to her children, as the core of that family she claimed so desperately to want. And she’d just folded and walked away as if it were a foregone conclusion that she’d never have it.
But was it? In her view, Luke’s priorities might be all screwed up, but he wouldn’t have let her leave Sally’s if even some tiny part of him had envisioned a future for the two of them. He obviously couldn’t see it happening, so this was for the best.
Even though she kept telling herself the same thing for the entire twenty minutes it took her to reach Nell’s cottage, it didn’t feel as if it were for the best. It felt awful. It hurt deep inside, where an emptiness was opening up that she couldn’t imagine ever being able to fill again.
She debated going down to the beach and walking and walking until the pain went away, but if she tried that, she knew she’d be down there for weeks. No, what Moira really wanted was to crawl into her bed under one of Nell’s Irish quilts and never show her face in Chesapeake Shores again. If she thought she’d be able to slip out of town in the dark of night, she’d have planned to do just that.
But, she thought with a sigh, there was her ticket, which had already been canceled for the original return date. There was her grandfather, who might feel compelled to leave with her if he thought she was suffering from a broken heart.
And there was her pride, something she’d always had in spades. She wasn’t going to let Luke drive her away from a place she was starting to love and an opportunity that might give her life a sense of direction and purpose, at least for now. The jobs Peter had lined up in Dublin might suit her, but what Megan was offering held hope of real success. It might not be the goal she’d envisioned, but it promised financial security, something she’d come to value thanks to her mum’s struggles to make ends meet.
Maybe she’d even find someone else who had his priorities in order, marry and settle down right here just for the sheer joy of driving Luke nuts. She smiled at the thought.
She
